Loud House of Horror
by Mr. Imitator
Summary: A tribute/rewrite of the Simpson's Treehouse of Horror! From tales of Halloween, to dated parodies of old horror movies, and even cameos from old Nickelodeon characters, such as Invader Zim, Jimmy Neutron, Danny Phantom, and so on, these horrifying tales of terror will chill you to the bone! Funny bone, that is! HAHAHAHAHA! Get it? Rated K , might be rated T later on. (On Hiatus)
1. Loud House of Horror: Intro

**Hello, everyone! As you're about to see, following the popular trend of rewrites for Loud House stories (mostly for Genderbent stories and Spongebob rewrites), I've decided to do my own series of rewrites based on the Simpson's Treehouse of Horror episodes. I honestly see a lot of the Simpson's in Loud House, so I thought it'd be pretty fitting. So, while this first part is short, please enjoy the first chapter of "The Loud House of Horror!" *Cue Orson Welles-style maniacal laughter***

* * *

The scene opens on a dimly lit auditorium stage, with only a single spotlight hitting the stage curtains. From behind said curtains came Lynn Loud Sr., who clears his throat and tells the viewers, "Hello, everyone. You know, Halloween is a strange holiday. Personally, I don't understand it. Kids worshiping ghosts, pretending to be devils; things in stories that are completely inappropriate for children. Things like the following story. Nothing bothers my kids," He corrects himself, "Except for Leni's fear of spiders, but this fanfiction, which I totally wash my hands of, is really scary and is basically plagiarized from another animated sitcom about a big family. If you're the sensitive type or looking for something more original, maybe you should go to bed early tonight or read a different story instead of writing us an angry review later. Thanks for your attention."

The scene changes to a dark and stormy night, where the title "Loud House Halloween Special", completely written in blood, comes flying towards the viewer. The scene closes in on the Royal Woods Cemetery, where it bypasses a number of headstones, with the following names: Ezekiel Loud, Ishmael Loud, Cornelius V. Loud, Spongebob, Black Sabbath, Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, Elvis, Your Name Here, Justin Timberlake, Disco.

The scene passes a tree, where Cliff was sitting on a branch, and screeches. The scene goes into the window leading into Lori and Leni's room, where Leni was wearing Lori's vampire costume from last year, and Lori was already in her usual pajamas. Leni was holding a bag of candy and smiles, "Thanks again for letting me wear your old costume, Lori. This vampire costume looks totes adorbs on me, don't you think?" She pops in her fake teeth and says in a Dracula-esque accent, "I vant to suck your butt!"

Lori corrected, "It's blood, Leni."

"Ew! Gross! Why would I want to suck someone's yucky blood?"

As Leni leaves the room, Lori asks, "Well, why would you want to suck someone's…" She stops herself, "Nevermind. I literally don't want to know."

Leni makes her way pass Luna and Luan's room and looks into her candy bag, "I love Halloween." She stops in front of Lynn and Lucy's room, where she overhears the kids, "Huh. What's going on in here?" She opens the door and sees Lincoln, Lynn, Lucy, Lana, Lola, and Lisa sitting around, with Lisa holding a flashlight to her face, "Hey, guys! What's going on?"

Lola answered, "We're telling scary stories!"

Lana asked, "Wanna join us?"

"Oh! OK!"

Leni promptly sat down beside the twins as Lisa finished, "And the policeman on the phone said: "We traced the call. It's coming from the floor below you! Get out of the house!" But it was too late." She lowered the flashlight away from her and says, "End of story."

Lynn said, "Yawn. I heard that one in 3rd grade. It's not scary."

Leni shuddered, "I thought it was scary."

Lincoln told his older sister, "You only heard the end of it."

Leni gulped, "THERE'S MORE OF IT?!"

Lynn swiped the flashlight from Lisa and said, "Allow me to tell you a really scary story."

Lisa chuckled, "Very well, Lynn. I'll humor your little request."

Lynn pointed to light to her face, "Here's a story that's _really_ scarifying."

Lisa remarked, "Not a real word."

Lynn responded, "Shut it!" She continued, "It's called… Bad Dream House!" Lynn laughs as her tale of terror was about to begin.

* * *

 **Sorry to make it so short, but the next chapters will be longer. Also, I decided to put Lynn Sr. in the opening instead of Rita since it's established Lynn Sr. hates Halloween, while Rita loves it. Hope you enjoyed!**


	2. Bad Dream House

On top of a large hill, where a long, curvy road stretches upward on it, there was a rather large mansion. In said mansion, the Loud family appeared to be moving in, as a moving van was just outside and a man was wheeling in the last of their belongings.

Rita was walking down the stairs, holding Lily, and presumably just coming down from looking at the second level. The kids were all fiddling around with the boxes as Lynn Sr. took a clipboard from the mover.

The mover tells him, "That's all of it. Sign here."

Lynn Sr. signs the paper, speaking in his British accent, "There you are, old man! And a Pound for you!"

The mover sighed, "A buck." He walks away and says to himself, "I'm glad there's a curse of this place."

Lynn Sr. overheard the mover say something, but since he couldn't make out what the man said, he simply replied, "Huh?" He turns his attention to his family, "Well, it's all ours!"

Lori remarked, "I literally can't believe we're moving in here! Finally, we can have some privacy in our lives!"

Rita added, "Well, _I_ can't believe how inexpensive it was."

Lynn Sr. answered to her worries, "Motivated seller, dear."

"Well, he must've been motivated. Prime location, 18 bedrooms, moat. We shouldn't be able to afford this."

Without noticing, Rita walks pass Leni, who is busy unpacking a box. She was stacking a pile of books, one of which kept on mysteriously floating back into the box, only for Leni to take it out and stack it again.

Lynn Sr. sat in the big comfy chair and shrugged, "So, we got a good deal for once! Quit fighting it."

Rita was unloading some pots from a box, oblivious to a book floating out of a different box, "It just seems too good to be true."

The book then flew across the room, without anyone seeing it, and it hit Lola in the back of the head, "OW! Mom! Leni threw a book at me!"

Leni pulled her head out of the box and asked, "Huh? I didn't throw anything!"

Lola scoffed, "Well, the book didn't just magically float by itself and fly right into the back of my head, now, did it?!"

Suddenly, a deep, booming voice said, "GET… OUT…"

The family were frozen for a moment, only for Rita to ask, "What was _that_?"

Lynn Sr. shrugged, "Eh. Probably the house just settling."

Rita gave an unsure groan and headed into the kitchen, where she notices the doors, cabinets, and counters were oozing blood, causing her to drop her pots and scream "Good gravy!"

Lynn Sr. rushes over and asks, "What is it, Rita?!"

As he arrived, the blood was no longer there, and she stuttered, "B-b-b-b-b-but the cabinets a-a-a-and the blood and the-the-the…" She notices something on the wall, "Swirling vortex in our kitchen wall?"

Lynn Sr. notices it too and shouts, "Kids! Come look at this!"

The kids all gather into the kitchen, with Lisa adjusting her glasses and saying in an awestruck voice, "Fascinating. It must be a vortex into another dimension."

Lynn grabs an orange out of a bowl of fruit, "Sweet!" She throws it like a baseball, "Catch!" The Orange hovers in the air for some time, only for it to disappear into the vortex, "Hey! Pretty slick!"

After that, a paper ball makes its way out of the vortex. Lynn catches it, only for Lincoln to swipe it and unravel it. He reads the message, "Stop throwing your garbage into our dimension. Love, Linka and the Loud's."

Leni gasped, "O! M! Gosh, you guys! There are people in that vortex with the same name as us!"

Suddenly, there was a cry that sounded like Lana, "HELP! HELP!"

Everyone rushed into the living room, where objects were flying all around, with Lana being choked by the cord of a lamp, and Lily flying freely in the air, happily giggling.

"GET… OUT…"

Rita and Lynn Sr. rush over and let Lana and Lily down, Lynn Sr. unraveling the cord from her neck, "You OK, sweetie?"

Everyone then began to shudder and shake, as if they were very cold, with Luna remarking, "Dude! I'm as cold as ice! Who turned on the AC?"

Lincoln remarked, "I don't think this place even _has_ AC."

Lucy stood in the middle of the living room and spoke, her breath showing, "I can sense an evil presence in this house."

Rita gulped, " _Evil_?!"

Lynn Sr. told Lucy, "Stop it, Lucy. You're scaring your mother."

Rita ordered, "Get your coats, everyone! We're leaving this house!"

The ghost helped her out with that, not only handing the kids their coats, but helping each of them put them on.

Lynn Sr. tries to stop them, "Now, wait a minute, guys! Sure, I admit there is something freaky going on with this house, but it's natural there'd be _some_ things wrong with an old house. It's a fixer-upper! What's the problem?"

Rita glared, "Lynn, we are _not_ living in a house of evil just to save a few dollars!"

Lynn Sr. snapped, "Don't be so stubborn! We're not talking about a few dollars!" Lynn Sr. then began to float upward, completely oblivious to the fact, "We're talking about a few _thousand_ dollars!" Finally, he notices he's floating and yells, "AHH!" He hits the ceiling and nervously chuckles, "It's got great high cielings?" After that, the ghost lets go and he plummets to the ground, "AHH!" After a second of adjusting to the pain of the fall, he tells the family, "Tell you what. Why don't we sleep on it?"

Rita rolls her eyes, "Alright; but it _anything_ happens…"

Lynn Sr. finished her sentence, "We get the heck out of here! I promise!"

That night, as the Loud's did their best to sleep in their new, creepy home, Lincoln nervously lies in his bed, when a voice calls to him, "THEY ARE ALL AGAINST YOU, LINCOLN…" The walls began to move as the voice spoke, "YOU MUST KILL THEM ALL…" Lincoln sat up in his bed, "THEY ALL MUST DIE…"

Lincoln asked, "Are you my conscience?"

The voice wasn't sure how to respond at first, merely stuttering, until he finally answered, "YES, I AM…"

In Lisa's room, the voice calls to her, "LISA…" The window moves as he talks, "LISA…" Lisa sits up in her bed, "THE BUTCHER KNIFE, LISA…"

Lisa got out of bed and walked over to her nightstand, where she opens the top drawer and pulls out a knife. She carefully checks the sharpness and gives a sinister grin.

In the parent's room, Lynn Sr. picked up an axe and says to himself, "They are all against me… They all must die…"

In the other rooms, the Loud's grabbed various weapons. Lori picked up one of her golf clubs, Leni brandished one of her belts like a garrote, Luna holds a shotgun and says, "Luna's got a gun!" She then cocks said shotgun. Luan grabs a cleaver and jokes, "A hack, am I? I'll show you a real _hack_." She laughs evilly. Lynn grabbed a bat, which was full of nails, Lucy grabbed a wooden stake, Lana grabbed a monkey wrench, Lola grabbed a sock and filled it with coins, and Lily was simply in her crib. However, her head was spinning 360 degrees.

In the kitchen, Rita grabbed a bread knife from the knife holder. Just outside the kitchen, Lynn Sr. creeps up and calls out in a sing-songy voice, "Rita… Oh, Rita…"

She responded in the same eerie tone as Lynn, "I'm in the kitchen, honey…"

Before he could go in, though, he noticed all of his children. Each of them walked into the living room, looking as if they were in a trance. They were all holding their respective weapons, and even Lily was crawling around with a knife between her teeth. Lynn Sr. approaches his kids, and they all circle around one another, like a pack of lions ready to pounce on one another.

"DIE… DIE… EVERYBODY DIE…"

The family gave off maniacal laughter, holding up their weapons as they prepare to strike. Rita brings down her knife, only to show she was spearing mayonnaise on a slice of bread. However, she stopped when she heard the sound of her family. She walks out the kitchen, sandwich in hand, only to gasp and drop it. " _What's going on out here_?!"

This caused the family to snap out of their trance and drop their weapons, promptly apologizing to one another, with Lily saying, "Poo-poo!"

Rita picked up her baby daughter, "Alright, everyone! We're leaving this place!"

Lynn Sr. nodded, "I hate to say it, but your mother's right, kids! Our family has had our differences and we've squabbled, but we've _never_ tried to kill each other until we moved into this dang house!"

Everyone heard a gasp and saw Lana had opened the door to the basement and pointed, "Mom, Dad, look!"

The family rushes over and in the basement was a burial ground, where many tombstones with the names of Native Americans lied.

Lisa remarked, "It's an ancient Native American burial ground."

Lynn laughed, "Whoa! Wicked!"

Lynn Sr. fumed, "Ancient _what_?!" He pulls out a cell phone and calls someone. He talks into the phone, "Mr. Ploot! Lynn Loud Sr. here! When you sold me this house, you forgot to mention one little thing: You didn't tell me it was built on top of an INDIAN BURIAL GROUND!" He loses his anger and asks, "You told _who_? She said she'd let us know? OK. Thank you for your time." He hangs up and looks to Leni, "Leni… did Mr. Ploot mention the burial ground to you?"

Leni thought and remembered, "Oh, right! I heard him talking to himself about it, and he told me everything! I was going to tell you, but then Chaz shared this video of a kitten, and…"

"YOU WILL DIE… YOU WILL DIE SLOWLY…" The family started to get concerned as the voice began to speak again, "YOUR STOMACH WILL SWELL, YOUR INTESTINES WITH WRIGHT AND BOIL, YOUR EYES WILL BURST, AND SOME HORRIBLE STUFF… POSSIBLY YOUR BRAINS WILL START COMING OUT THROUGH YOUR NOSE…"

Finally having enough of it, Rita shouted, "SHUT UP!" She ordered, "Shut up! Stop trying to push us around! Stop saying those horrible things and show some _manners_!" This quieted the voice down to a gentle breath, with Rita shivering, "Look at me. I've never been so angry." Lynn Sr. held her hands, "My hands are shaking."

"Better than your eyes bursting."

Lynn ordered the house, "Do it again!"

"WHAT?"

"Make the walls bleed!"

Lana smiled, "Yeah! Do it!"

Lucy added, "Please, do."

"NO!"

Lynn frowned, "Hey, man! We own you! Let's see some blood!"

"I DON'T HAVE TO ENTERTAIN YOU…"

"Do it! Do the blood thing. Come on!"

She and Lana started chanting, "Do it! Do it! Do it!"

Lincoln asked, "Why are you trying to scare us?"

Lisa asked, "Are you trying to keep us from getting close to you? Maybe even loving you?"

"LEAVE ME ALONE…"

Rita warned, "Don't you talk to her that way."

"LISTEN, LADY…"

"Oh, don't you call me "lady"! My name is Rita Loud, this is _my_ family, and we're not going anywhere! We're going to have to live here together, so you better get use to it!" She then politely added, "Please."

"CAN I HAVE A MINUTE TO THINK ABOUT THIS?"

Rita answered, "Sure."

The family left the house, leaving it to contemplate.

"HMM. LIFE WITH THE LOUD'S. WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE?"

As the family looks on from a distance, the house begins to disappear into itself, almost as if being sucked into a wormhole.

Once it finally disappeared, Lisa told the family, "It destroyed itself rather than live with us. You can't help but feel a _little_ rejected."

With all said and done, the Loud's walk away from where the house once was, their fate and the fate of the house remaining unknown.

The End.


	3. Hungry are the Danged

**Before we begin, I'd like to point out that to type up Zim's deliveries, I decided to use caps and italics to represent his yells and drawing out of words, respectively. Sometimes, I do both.**

* * *

Back in the room, Lana scoffed, "That wasn't scary."

"She's right, dude." The group sees Luna, holding Lily, and Luan walk into the room, "That story was kinda weak."

Luan walked over to Leni and asked, "You know what _is_ scary, though?" Leni shook her head and Luan pulled out a small box, which covered her right index finger, "This severed _finger_!"

She removed the lid on the box, showing what appeared to be a bloody severed finger.

"AHHHHH!" Leni jumped up and ran off, running into the door frame before running down the stairs, "AHHHHH!" She ran into the door and opened it, running off again as she kept screaming, "AHHHHH!"

After that, Lily grabbed the finger and suckled on it, making Luan pull back and remove her finger from the box, "Ew, ew! Baby spit!"

As she wiped her finger using her shirt, Lori popped her head in, "Luan, did you scare Leni _again_?!"

Luan hesitated and shrugged, "Maybe."

Lori rolled her eyes and walked down the stairs, "I'll go after her."

Lincoln grabbed the flashlight and said, "OK, now that Lynn's story is out of the way," He pointed the light to his face, "It's time for my own macabre tale, which I call…"Lightning flashes, showing the title of the next story, "Hungry are the Danged!"

* * *

One summer evening, the Loud's were gathered in the backyard as they set up for an outdoor barbeque dinner. Rita, Lori, and Leni were setting up the table, Lynn Sr. was showing Lincoln how to man the grill, and all the other Loud's looking at the stars as Luna strums on her acoustic guitar.

Lori was swatting at the many flies and mosquitoes, "Dad, will you do something?! There's literally hundreds of bugs!"

"Not to worry, honey! Just let Papa turn on the trusty ol' bug zapper." Lynn Sr. turns it on and walks away to grab the lighter fluid from the table. As he had his back turned, the zapper gave off a big zap and what sounding like a pained groan, "WHOA! That was a big momma!"

After, he took the lighter fluid and began to cover the charcoal in it, with Lincoln concerned over the amount he was using, "Uh, Dad, are you sure you're not using too much?"

"Oh, relax, son! I've been grilling my whole life! I think I know what I'm doing." Lynn Sr. gives the fluid one last squeeze and tosses it aside, "I tell you, son, there's nothing better than a hamburger," He lights a match and tosses it, "Grilled to perfection…" The match caused a giant mushroom cloud to erupt into the night sky.

Lynn saw it and laughed, "Cool!"

"LOUDS!" Mr. Grouse pokes his head out the window and shakes his fist, "Watch the fireworks! Remember the last time you people had a barbeque!?"

Lynn Sr. apologized, "Sorry, Mr. Grouse!"

As Lisa was chewing upon a piece of wheatgrass, Lola pointed to the sky, "And that one?"

"That is Canis Major, aka the Big Dog. You can tell, because it possesses the brightest star in the night sky: Sirius."

Luan joked, "Well, it Sirius-ly is bright! Hahahahaha! Get it?"

All of her siblings groaned at this, and Lana remarks, "You sure, Lisa? Cause that big, glowly star is pretty bright."

Lisa gasped, the wheatgrass falling from her mouth as she sat up, "That's no star."

Just over, there was a giant UFO in the sky, which looked like The Massive from Invader Zim, only about half the size. As it made its way down, emitting a green aura around the family, the Loud's look on in shock, but Lisa looked on in glee, "Ooooh! Where's my camera when I need it?!"

Leni walked up, typing on her phone, "Hey, guys! You gotta see this cute dress I found onli..." Leni finally looked up, dropping her phone and staring in awe.

Out of nowhere, many lights emitted from the UFO, sucking each of the Loud's into their own little beam and bringing them upward. All of them were screaming in terror, with Lily crying.

Lincoln screamed, "WE'RE BEING ABDUCTED!"

Lisa grinned, "I KNOW! ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?!"

Lori screamed, "I LITERALLY CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING!"

After everyone goes into the ship, it flies off. Mr. Grouse pokes his head out again, "LOUDS! I thought I told you to…" He notices there are no longer in the backyard, "Eh. Nevermind."

Once the ship was in outer space, the Loud's were together on the ship, quivering and huddled together in fear. Lisa, however, was jumping up and down in sheer joy. A strange green alien approached them, speaking in a strange voice, "GREETINGS, EARTHLINGS! I am _ZIM_!" He tells them, "Do not be frightened. I mean you no harm."

Rita stuttered, "Y-you… y-y-you speak English."

Zim chuckled, "Actually, I am speaking Irken. By an astonishing coincidence, our languages are exactly the same."

Lincoln asked, "Well, what are you going to do to us?"

Zim explained as Gir, his robot assistant appeared, "Gir and I are going to take you to the planet Irk! A world of infinite delights to tantalize your senses and challenge your intellectual limitations."

Gir shouted, "WE ABDUCTED YOU!" He walks over to Lisa and asks, "Will you be our new friends?"

Lisa approached Zim, "Look, we know that to you, us Loud's are a lower order of life. We face that prejudice every day of our lives. But we are happy on our little planet." She drops to her knees, "We throw ourselves on your mercy! Please, return us to…"

Lisa was cut off by a table appearing before the family and Zim announcing, "DINNER TIME!"

The Loud's smiled, with Lynn saying, "Whoa! Get a load of that spread!"

"Here you go, Earthlings. Take all you want but eat all you take."

Rita thanked, "Oh, well, thank you, Mister… Zim, was it?"

Zim ordered, "GIR! Remove the _lids_!"

Gir turned red and saluted, "At once, oh master!" He jumped onto the table, doing his famous Duty Mode moves, before turning back to blue and removed the lids one at a time.

Each plate had their favorite foods on it, which they all happily announced.

Lisa smiled, "Sardines!"

Luna grinned, "Bangers and mash!" She threw up the goats and said in her accent, "Rockin'!"

Lincoln smiled, "Chicken nuggets!"

Lynn Sr. laughed, "And goulash!"

Rita gasped, "Oh, my. Radish rosettes! These are very hard to make. You really _are_ an advanced race."

Zim told them, "Come, Earthlings. EAT! GROW _LARGE_ with _food_."

The Loud's began to eat, with Lisa commenting, "There's something not quite right about this."

Lincoln nods, "I see what you mean, sis." Lincoln asked, "Could I get some barbecue sauce for these nuggets?"

Gir nodded and ran off. Zim stayed and stared at the Loud parent's, drooling the entire time.

Lynn Sr. asks, "What are _you_ looking at?"

Zim chuckled, "My apologizes. I was just admiring your wife. She's quite the dish."

Rita gasped, "Oh!" She blushed and gave a girlish giggle, "Why, thank you."

Zim looked at the Loud girls and commented, "I see where your daughters get it from." This made all of them also blush and giggle. He looks to Lincoln, "Not sure where he got _his_ from."

Lincoln glared, "What's that supposed to mean?!"

Later on, Lisa and Lincoln look out the ship's window into Outer Space, both looking as though they couldn't shake off a strange feeling.

They see their family beside a huge TV, with Zim telling them, "It is our great pleasure to provide you with unlimited entertainment on your… intergalactic journey." The TV turns on, showing an episode of ARRRGH! "We get over a MILLION channels from the _far_ reaches of the _GALAXY_!"

Lynn asked, "Do you get HBO?"

Zim bluntly answered, "No, that would cost extra." He shows them over to another screen, showing a game of Tetris, "Here's our achievement in amusement technology. It is a game where you fill up different geometric shapes in a finite area, and each…"

Lincoln cut him off, "Hey, wait a minute; that's just Tetris! Get with the times!"

Lynn Sr. joked, "Rita and I played _that_ old game before we were even married."

Zim defended, "Well, I did build this spaceship you know. _RAISE YOUR HAND_ IF YOU'RE FROM A SPECIES THAT HAS MASTERD INTERGALACTIC TRAVEL!" Zim raised his hand, and so did Gir. The Loud's didn't raise their hands, probably so as not to offend him any further. However, Lynn raised hers, which prompted her mother to slap it. She quickly got the message and brought her hand down.

"Yeah. I thought so."

Rita apologized, "We're sorry. Your game is very nice."

Zim shouted, "I know that! Don't tell me things I already know!"

This made Rita give an uncomfortable look.

Gir wheeled in a cart of food, and Zim tells the family, "Dinner time."

Lisa asked, "Hey, wait a minute. How come we never see _you_ eat?"

Lincoln got suspicious and asked, "Hey, that's right! Why don't you eat?"

Zim, drooling again, explained, "Oh, uh… I wish not to spoil my appetite for… the Great Feast when we land on Irk."

Gir removed the trays, and the angle made it look like the Loud's had their heads literally on a platter. Lynn Sr. smiled, "Oooh! The Great Feast?"

Rita asked, "Will we be invited?"

"Oh, you'll be at the feast. I have a feeling you'll be the… guests of honor."

Zim and Gir shared a laugh, with Zim's sounded evil and maniacal, but Gir's sounding like genuine laughter.

Lynn Sr. asked, "Tell us more about this feast."

"NO! Eat now! When we arrive, there will be plenty of time to… chew the fat."

Zim and Gir laugh once more, and while the Loud's eat, Lisa looks on with a look of suspicion.

Later, the Loud's were in line to step on a scale, with Lincoln stepping on and Zim remarking, "Very good, Earth boy, very good." As he steps off, Zim orders, "NEXT!" Rita steps on the scale and Zim observes how large she apparently was, "My, my, Mrs. Loud! Fat and healthy, I see!"

Rita was alarmed by the weight, "Dang it!"

"No, no! No cause for alarm! I like my Earth women with a little… meat on them."

Lynn Sr. showed up behind her and hugged his wife, "So do I." He kisses her cheek, making Rita laugh and blush.

Lisa walks over to her brother and whispers, "Are you as suspicious as I am?"

Lincoln nods, "I think it's time for a little investigating."

Lisa and Lincoln go off into the spaceship and approach a door. Lisa presses a button, opening to reveal the kitchen. They both hide out of sight as Gir cooks away, singing, " _Cooking, cooking, cooking food! Make tasty food for humans! Make them nice and fat! Give them the perfect flavor! Doo!_ " He picks up the pot he was stirring and walks away, leaving a cook book on the counter. Lincoln quickly retrieves it and reads it, along with Lisa. Both gasp at the title of the book: HOW TO COOK HUMANS!

Lincoln and Lisa make their way to their family, who were currently eating a huge spaghetti dinner.

Lincoln shouted, "STOP!"

Lisa explains, "Do you people understand the seriousness of our situation! These astronomic interlopers are subjecting us to an increasing of our biological mass so they can devour our very beings!"

The Loud's merely looked on in confusion, Lana slurping up some spaghetti and burping.

Lincoln translated, "They're fattening us up so they can _eat us_!"

The family understood this and seemed quite skeptical about this.

Lisa brandished the book, "If you don't believe us," She shows the title to them, "Then just look at this book we found!"

They all gasped, both from the book, and from Zim standing behind Lincoln and Lisa.

The family promptly spat out the food they were eating and Lynn Sr. shouted, "They're right!"

Zim commented, "Humans, you have stopped eating."

Lynn Sr. approaches the little green man, "Now listen here, you creepy little spaceman! Nobody, but nobody, eats the Loud's!"

"I beg your pardon?"

Lola pointed at Zim, "Don't play dumb with us!"

Lori explained, "We found your little "human recipe book"!"

Zim grabs the book, "Oh? You mean this?" He laughs, "Just a harmless little cook book. It's just a bit dusty." He blows on the cover and shows the new title: HOW TO COOK FOR HUMANS, "See?"

This made the Loud's sigh in relief, only for Lisa to look closer at the book, "Wait a minute!" She blows on it and points, "AHA!" The title now said HOW TO COOK FORTY HUMANS!

The family all gasped, but Zim realized, "Hold on! There's still a little bit of space dust on here." He blows one more time, and the final title read HOW TO COOK FOR FORTY HUMANS. As they sighed again, Zim asked, "Wait a minute. You people thought I was going to EAT YOU?!" He glares, "Is this some kind of sick joke?! I am an INVADER! My job is to _invade_ planets, not eat its inhabitants!"

Lincoln asked, "Then why were you trying to make us eat all the time?"

Zim shouted, "MAKE YOU EAT?! I merely provided you all with a sumptuous BANQUET! And quite frankly, you people made _PIGS_ OF YOURSELVES!"

Gir started to cry, "I slaved over a hot stove for days for you all, and this is the thanks I get?!"

As tears poured out of the little robot's eyes, Zim scolded, "Well, if you wanted to make Gir cry, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! It's not like you humans are the only beings in the universe with emotions, you know!"

Back in the Loud's backyard, the UFO opened up to make the Loud's walk down the stairs that led to the ground.

Mr. Grouse shouted again, "THAT'S IT, LOUD'S! I…" He sees the UFO, "Aye-aye-aye-aye-AYE!" He went back inside and closed the window.

As the Loud's exited and stood in the backyard, Zim said some parting words, "We offered you paradise. You would have experienced emotions greater than what you call _love_ and greater than what you call _FUN_! You would have been treated like GODS and lived forever in beauty. But, now, because of your distrustful nature, that can never _be_."

Rita groaned, "For a superior lifeform, he sure does love to rub it in."

As the UFO took off, Lisa said, "There were monsters on that ship."

Lincoln added, "And we were them."

Rita tells her second-youngest and middle child, "You see why we say you both are too smart for your own good?"

As the scene floats off into the night sky, the Loud kids kept on riding the two.

Luna frowned, "Way to go, dudes."

Lori added, "You literally ruined our chance at paradise."

Lola added, "We could've been Gods!"

Lynn added, "Thanks again for screwing things up, Lincoln!"

Lucy added, "You, too, Lisa."

Lincoln and Lisa both groaned at this.

* * *

 **For those curious, I kept the scolding end both for accuracy and, since Lincoln was telling the story, it could be seen as a way of him passive aggressively telling his siblings how much of a butt monkey they make him out to be. After all, half the fanbase seems to love making the sisters out to be abusive and hateful towards Lincoln, which is total bull, but different strokes and such.**

 **Hope you enjoyed and I hope you join me next time for the thrilling conclusion!**


	4. The Raven

Back in the Loud House, Leni and Lori walked back into the room and Leni waves, "Hey, guys! What I miss?"

Lincoln answered, "UFO story."

As she sits down, Lori sits down beside her, "Well, since I'm literally wide awake, mind if I join?"

Lucy answered, "Not at all." She pulls out a book and opens it up, "I was just about to read a classic tale of terror by Edgar Allan Poe."

Lynn took notice of the book and said, "Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that a school book?"

Lisa adjusted her glasses, "Don't worry, Lynn. You won't learn anything."

Lucy cleared her throat, "It's called… The Raven."

As Toccata and Fugue in D Minor started to play, the scene evaporated into the chambers of an old 19th century home, with Lucy narrating.

 _Once upon a midnight dreary, as I pondered weak and weary_

Lynn Sr. was shown on a comfy chair in front of a fire place, sleeping with a book in his hand.

 _Over a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore_

The book read _Forgotten Lore: Vol II_.

 _While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping_

The knock on the door had awoken Lynn Sr., who looked back at the door.

 _As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door_

Lynn Sr. scoffed, "Tis some visitor,"

 _I muttered_

"Tapping at my chamber door." He yawned, "Only this, and nothing more."

Lynn interrupted, _"Are we scared yet?"_

Lucy scolded, _"Quiet, Lynn. He's establishing mood."_

The scene takes Lynn Sr, still in his chair, to a spooky hill overlooking a field.

 _Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,_

 _And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor_

Back in the chamber, the burnt-out fire pit had ghostly hands appear from it, and began to caress the sleeping Loud patriarch.

 _Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow_

 _From my books surcease of sorrow_

Lynn Sr. stirred awake, the ghostly hands vanishing, leaving him perplexed. He looks to a framed painting, which showed Rita, but had the name "Lenore" upon it.

 _Sorrow for the lost Lenore_

Lynn Sr. stood before the painting and sniffled, "Oh, Lenore!"

 _For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore_

 _Nameless_ here _for evermore_

As he walked away from the painting, it had disappeared, leaving a black canvas, and the curtain nearby fluttering with the winds. It brushed against Lynn Sr., causing him to scream and jump back into the chair.

 _And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain_

 _Thrilled me- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;_

As his teeth chattered, many ghostly clouds floated past Lynn Sr, filling him with fear.

 _So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,_

Lynn Sr. hid under the chair and said, "'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door- This it is, and nothing more."

 _Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,_

Lynn Sr. got up from under the chair and slowly approached the door, "Sir,"

 _Said I,_

"Or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, and so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, that I scarce was sure I heard you."

He threw the door open and in fear, closed his eyes with his hands.

 _Here I opened wide the door;_

Luna interrupted, " _This better be good, dude_."

Lynn Sr. opened his eyes and saw only the dark hallway before him.

 _Darkness there, and nothing more_.

He looked all around and, seeing nothing before him, shrugged and closed the door back.

Back in the room, Lori, who was sitting next to a shaking Leni, asked, "You know what would've been scarier than nothing?"

Lucy asked, "What?"

" _Literally anything!_ "

As Lynn Sr. turned to return to his chair, Lucy continued.

 _Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,_

 _Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before._

He stopped as a loud banging sound was heard. With a gasp and a scream, he turned to his window and said to himself, "Surely,"

 _Said I,_

"Surely that is something at my window lattice: Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore. Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore!" Lynn Sr. went to the window and opened it.

 _Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,_

Lynn Sr. gasped as a small bird flew into the room, spooking him greatly.

 _In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore;_

The raven, whose face, beak, and hair greatly resembled Luan, started walking on its talons towards the chamber door.

 _Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;_

 _But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door_

The raven fluttered its wings, hoping from the doorknob to a candle on the wall, and then onto the top of the doorframe of the chamber door.

 _Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door_

The raven did just this, fluttering its wings and sitting upon said bust.

 _Perched, and sat, and nothing more._

The raven and Lynn Sr. locked eyes, the raven appearing to stare into his very soul.

Lynn Sr. laughed and said, "Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,"

 _I said,_

"Art sure no craven, ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore. Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"

 _Quoth the Raven,_

The raven spoke in Luan's voice, "Sounds like your stark _raven_ mad! Hahahahaha! Get it?!"

Back in the room, Lucy said, a sliver of emotion breaking through her monotone voice, "Luan, stop it! He says "nevermore", and that's all he'll ever say."

The scene returning to the chamber, Luan responded, " _Okay, okay._ "

As Lynn Sr. was disturbed by the raven's stares, he smells something in the air.

 _Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer_

Said censer had then hit Lynn Sr. on the head, making him mutter, "Stupid censer."

 _Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor._

Above him, Lola and Lily held the censer, both of them having angel wings and appearing to walk on air, with Lily tumbling over.

"Wretch,"

 _I cried,_

"Thy God hath lent thee- by these angels he hath sent thee respite- respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore!" Growing sad and tearful, he looks to the painting once more, "Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"

 _Quoth the Raven_

"Nevermore."

Lynn Sr. growled and starting to shout angerly at the raven, "Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend,"

 _I shrieked, upstarting-_

"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore! Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken!- quit the bust above my door! Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"

 _Quoth the Raven_

"Nevermore."

Lynn Sr. repeated, trying to quell his anger by gritting his teeth, "Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door."

 _Quoth the Raven_

"Nevermore."

"WHY, YOU LITTLE!"

The Raven gasped, "Uh-oh!"

Lynn Sr. lunged at the door, causing the Raven to fly about the room, "Come back here, you little raven!"

Lynn Sr. chased after it, using the chair to gain height, only to miss and grab the curtains, tearing them. As he continued the chase, he slammed into the book case, causing many books to topple off the shelfs. He grabs a vase and tosses it, but comes up short of hitting the bird, "Dang it!"

The vase hit him on the head, causing a line of little Ravens to walk around his head, repeating, "Nevermore! Nevermore! Nevermore! Nevermore! Nevermore!"

He shook his head, making the ravens disappear. He stood back up, trying to climb the book case to grab the Raven, but falling off. The Raven then started pulling books off the self, using them in self-defense and hitting Lynn Sr. over the head. The books were _The Pit and the Pendulum_ , _The Tell-Tale Heart_ , and _The Purloined Letter_.

However, it was shown that the raven was actually still above the chamber door, watching Lynn Sr. slip into madness as his chamber was now in shambles, and he stares at the Raven.

 _And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting_

 _On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;_

 _And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,_

 _And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;_

 _And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor_

 _Shall be lifted-_

The scene turns back to the Raven, and with each syllable of the last word, zoomed towards it.

 _Nevermore!_

The Raven let out a sinister laugh before the scene dissolves back into the room.

With the story over, Lola scoffed, "Lucy, that wasn't scary, not even for a poem!"

Lucy defended, "Well, this poem was written back in 1845."

Lisa added, "She's right. People were more easily frightened in that time period."

Lincoln nodded, "Oh, yeah. I get what you guys are saying."

Lynn added, "It's kind of like watching the first _Saw_ movie. It's pretty tame by today's standards."

After that, the kids hear their mother call from downstairs, "Kids! Time for bed!"

Lincoln stood up and proclaimed, "Well, I guess I'll have no trouble sleeping tonight!"

Everyone spoke in agreement and stood up, walking out the room, excluding Lynn and Lucy, since it was theirs, and Leni and Lori.

Lori noticed her sister was shaking like a leaf, "Leni? You OK?"

Later on, the Loud kids were shown to be sleeping peacefully in their beds. Lincoln cuddling his Bun Bun, Lily and Lisa sleeping soundly, Lana sleeping with her animal friends and Lola wearing her eye mask, Lynn in her bed and Lucy in her coffin, Luan snoring and Luna wearing her headphones.

However, in Leni and Lori's room, Leni was in her bed, shaking and whimpering, using her blanket to cover her face. As Lori reaches over to turn off the light, Leni begs, "No, no, Lori! C'mon! Please!"

Lori looked to her and said, "Leni, I'm not sleeping with the lights on. They're just kid's stories. They can't hurt you." She turns off the lamp and lies down, "Goodnight."

As Lori fell asleep, the room filled with an ominous green light similar to from the second story, and she looks out the window, seeing a raven perched outside on the tree next to the window. The raven looked like the one from the story and, with an eerily similar chuckle, flew off into the night.

Leni lied down and whined, "Oh! Oh, I hate Halloween!"

Leni covered her head with her blanket, and a wolf howl is heard in the distance, ending our story.

* * *

 **And done! Not to worry, though, folks! As you've voted, there will be more chapters of this story in the future, so you'll have those to look forward to! I hope you all enjoyed so far, and hope to hear what you think! See you next time, and just keep telling yourself,** _ **it's only a story**_ **. Bwahahahahahaha!**


	5. Loud House of Horror II: Intro

Just like the intro prior, a well-lit stage is shown and Lynn Sr. walks out from the behind the curtain, "Hello, everyone. Last time, I warned you all not to read this fanfiction, but you did anyway. Well, this time, the stories are even worse: they're scarier, more violent, and I think the writer snuck in some bad language, too. So, please, go read a different story, and…" He groaned, "Oh, well. If you didn't listen to me last time, you're not going to now. Enjoy the story."

The scene changes like before and the title appears: The Loud House Halloween Special II. The scene changes to the cemetery once more, and more comical headstones are shown: Zuko's Mom, Chris Savino's Career, Cajun Cooking, Walt Disney, and Lose Weight Now Ask Me How. The scene goes pass a tree, where a bat was hanging around and then flew off. The scene shows a group of kids, similar to the Peanuts gang from _It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown_ , run past the Loud House.

Inside, Lynn Sr. was sitting in the living room watching the news, holding a big bowl of candy and steadily eating from it.

On the TV, Katherine Mulligan was reporting, "And to end this special Halloween broadcast on a _scary_ note," She spoke in a spooky voice as she said "scary", "The midterm elections are less than one week away."

As she laughs at her own joke, Lynn Sr. glares, "Hey! If you don't like it, move to Canada, missy!"

The doorbell rang, so he stood up and went over to the door. He opens it and sees Hawk and Hank standing there, not even in costume, "Trick-or-treat!"

Lynn Sr. asks, "Hey. Aren't you kids a little old for this? You're not even wearing costumes!"

Hawk threatened, "Hand over the candy, old dude," Hank was shown with a carton of eggs, which he opened to show a full dozen, "Or we'll egg your house back to the stone age!"

Not wanting to take any chances, Lynn Sr. dumped the contents of the bowl into the bag and smiled, "Happy Halloween!" As he shut the door, he muttered, "Lousy punks." As he walked away, he heard the sound of eggs hitting the front door. He opens the door, but all he sees is eggs on the door and a smashed pumpkin, and hears Hawk and Hank's laughter as they run off.

The door opened and Rita's voice called, "We're back!" Rita enters the room, dressed as the Bride of Frankenstein, and the others follow in behind her: Lori holding the top half of a horse costume, Leni wearing the lower half, Luna dressed as Mick Swagger, Luan dressed as a killer clown, Lynn dressed as a pirate, Lincoln not surprisingly dressed as Ace Savvy, Lucy dressed as Griselda from her favorite TV show, Lana and Lola dressed as Peanut Butter and Jelly jars, and Lisa and Lily dressed as Dorothy and Toto, respectively.

Lynn Sr. asked asked, "So, how was the costume party, guys?"

Lori answered, "It was great!"

Leni added, "Except for when Lori farted in our costume."

Lori defend, "For the last time, it was my shoes!"

Luan told Lynn Sr., "You should've seen Luna on stage! She and Sam were shredding it!"

"You know it, dude!"

He turns to the Lynn, Lincoln, and the little ones, "And how about our little Trick-Or-Treaters?"

The kids opened their bags, Lynn chuckled, "Check it out!"

Each pile from Lynn, Lincoln, and Lucy were the same size, but Lana and Lola's were as big as the other three piles, but Lisa's pile was as big as all four piles together. Lisa picked up Lily, smiled and smugly proclaimed, "I believe the phrase is: Read it and weep."

Lynn Sr. approached the two youngest Loud girls, "Well, it doesn't surprise me!" He pinches Lisa's cheek, "You two look adorable!"

Lola whined, "Hey! We're adorable, too!"

Lana explained, "Yeah, but Lily's a baby, so she's got us beat."

As Rita removed her wig and placed it on the couch, she told the kids, "Now, kids, you can have one piece of candy tonight, and save the rest for…"

She stopped talking as she saw all the kids, even the teens, and Lynn Sr. eating from the big piles. Lincoln asked, "What'd you say, Mom?"

Rita warned, "If you kids eat too much candy, you'll have nightmares."

Lisa scoffed, "Oh, that's preposterous! As if we'll all have nightmares tonight."

Lincoln added, "Yeah. I mean, a bunch of bad nightmares?"

Lynn Sr. chuckled, "I'd like to see that!" As he gave a hearty laugh, lightning flashed and thunder was heard. Outside, it started to pour down rain.

Lincoln said, "Huh. That's weird. A moment ago, there wasn't a cloud in the sky."

Up in Lisa's room, as Lily rested, Lisa was in her PJ's, still eating at her huge pile of candy. However, in the middle of a piece of chocolate, her stomach starts to grumble, making her frown and place it on the table by her bed, "Perhaps I'll save the rest for tomorrow."

She removed her glasses, turned off her lamp and lied down, yawning as she began to dream, starting the first nightmare of the evening.

* * *

 **Sorry to stop short, but I hope you enjoyed it! A big thank you to author WyomingParmesan, whose story** _ **Unexpected**_ **gave me the idea for Lisa and Lily's costume. I highly recommend reading it. It's such a wonderful and adorable story!**

 **See you all next time for the first nightmare story!**


	6. Lisa's Nightmare: The Monkey's Paw

**Welcome back! Sorry this took so long to write. I was out of town on a family vacation, but now I'm back to writing! Also, I'm going to hold a poll for this story. I've been wanting to rewrite Simpsons Butterfinger Commercials like I've been doing these stories, and I'd like to see if you all would like to see them between chapters in the stories, to help break the monotony.**

 **Now, with all that said, let's continue with the first story: The Monkey's Paw!**

* * *

In Lisa's dream, the Loud's were visiting Marrakech, Morocco, which was filled with people and merchant tents. In the group, Lynn Sr. was wearing a fez hat and everyone was dressed for the warm weather. Lynn complained, "Man, what a dump! Why would that Prince Albert guy live here?"

Lisa corrected, "Lynn, that's Monaco."

Lynn frowned, "Dang it."

The group walks over to a bald man standing on a mat, who bends his body in a strange way, doing crazy moves before landing on his head and then using his ears to crawl away. Lynn remarks, "I can do that, but I don't wanna."

Lynn Sr. separated from the group and approached a merchant tent and picks up a hairy hand, "Ugh! What is this thing?"

The merchant steps out of the shadows, revealing his disfigured face and bulging eyeball, speaking in a thick accent, "It is a monkey's paw, dating back to dating back to Al-Al Ben Abdallah. It has the power to grant wishes to its owner."

"Oh, yeah? How much?"

The merchant warned, "Sir, I strongly advise you, do not purchase this. Behind every wish lurks grave misfortune. I was once president of Algeria."

Lynn Sr. explained, "Look, buddy, I've got 11 kids. I think I can handle a little misfortune."

Lynn Sr., monkey paw in hand, returns to his family. Rita was taking a picture of the kids next to a camel, which had a man sitting on its hump. Rita looks to her husband and seems grossed out by the object, "Eww, Lynn! Where did you get that ugly thing?"

"Why, at that little shop right over…" He points to where the shop was, only to see a small dust devil in its place, "There." He gasps, but then realizes, "Oh, no wait." He points to the actual shop this time, "It was over there."

The merchant waves, "You'll be sorry."

Back home, the paw was on the coffee table, the family circled around it. Lincoln asks, "Anyone else wondering why this paw only has four fingers?"

Lisa asks, "Well, how come _we_ only have four fingers?"

Lincoln conceded, "Touche." He asks, "So, what should we wish for first?"

Lori suggested, "Let's wish for a bigger house!"

Leni said, "No, Lori! Peace on earth!"

Luna suggested, "A rock concert!"

Luan suggested, "A circus!"

Lynn suggested, "Our own sports stadium!"

Lucy suggested, "To become vampires."

Lana suggested, "A zoo!"

Lola suggested, "A castle!"

Lisa suggested, "A hip-hop entourage!" Everyone looks at Lisa and she responds, "I have hobbies outside of science, you know."

Lynn Sr. told his kids, "Now, hold it, kids! Since I bought the paw, and since I'm the pants wearer of the family…" He hears Rita clear her throat, to which he sheepishly replied, "Besides your beautiful, smart mother, of course…" He continued, "I should be the one to make the first wish."

As he spoke, Lily grabbed the paw and said, "Poo poo!" As she giggled, the paw glowed and its thumb bent forward.

Everyone gasps, Lincoln saying, "Oh, no! Lily made a wish!"

Outside, there was the sound of a horn honking. They rush to the window and gasp, Rita commenting, "Good gravy!"

Outside was a fancy white car, making Lynn Sr. go, "Oooh! A luxury car!" He picks up his youngest daughter and smiles, "Good baby!" He hugs her, "Good Lily!"

There was a knock at the door, and upon them opening it, there was a driver holding a pillow with a shiny new binky on it.

Rita said, "Ooooh! A new pacifier."

Lily picks up the pacifier and pops it into her mouth, sucking upon it.

After that, the car promptly drives away, making the family go, "Dang it!"

Back inside, Lynn Sr. says, "Well, that's one wish down, but how do we figure out the next three?"

Later, everyone stood next to the machine seen in "Room with a Feud" and pulls out a piece of paper from it, "OK! According to the machine, the top three candidates to use the paw are… Lincoln, Leni, and father!"

The three winners cheered, only for the others to moan and complain.

Lincoln takes the paw and says, "OK! I'll make the next wish!" He closes his eyes and says, "I wish for the Loud's to be rich and famous!"

The paw moves its index finger and as Lincoln opens his eyes, he sees the family knee deep in money! They all threw it into the air excitedly. Lynn Sr. opens his wallet, to see it overflowing with cash! Rita rushes in, holding a big pile of money, "Look, everyone! My purse just exploded!"

Lynn Sr. announced, "Come on, everybody! We're going to the fanciest restaurant in town!"

Later that night, at a restaurant called The Flaxen Saffron, a snooty French host told a couple, "I am terribly sorry. We have nozing available until June." However, when the Loud's walked in, he gasped and smiled, "Ze Loud House! Right zis way, please!"

As the Loud's make their way through the restaurant, they take notice of the other patrons looking their way, Rita saying, "Well, maybe fame and fortune isn't as bad as they seem."

However, at one table, a lady comments, "If I hear one more thing The Loud House… I swear, I'm going to scream."

Another woman added, "At first they were funny and cute, but now they're just annoying."

Later, in a shop, Rusty was holding a shirt that had Lincoln on it, "30 bucks for this?!" He tosses it onto the counter, with the scene showing a bunch of other Loud's on shirts, "What a ripoff!" He then walks away in annoyance.

In a music store, there was a cardboard standee of the Loud's that said _Loud House Blues_. Next to it, Sam Sharp was listening to _Road Trippin' Blues_ , where she comments, "Man, this thing is getting out of hand!"

In a scene outside, Agnes Johnson sees a billboard with Lori and Leni standing with Maria Santiago, with Leni having a speech bubble that said "You should, like, get a mammogram." Lori also had a speech bubble, which only said, "Literally."

Agnes scoffs, "Is there anything they won't do?!"

Inside the house, everyone seems to be dreading how the wish was going, Rita groaning, "Oh, Lynn, this is awful."

Lynn Sr. explains, "Come to think of it, the guy who sold me this paw did say it would bring grave misfortune. I thought he was just being colorful."

Leni grabs the paw and says, "Don't worry, you guys! I'm sure my wish will make everybody happy!" She closes her eyes and says, "I wish for world peace!"

Just like before, the paw glows and bends the next finger.

A spinning newspaper appears, showing a picture of Leni, and the article titled "World Peace Declared".

At the UN, the representatives of Israel and Palestine making up, with the Israel representative saying, "Sorry about that whole conflict, my friend."

The Palestine representative replied, "I am even more sorry."

The two then hug, with the UN applauding their action. After that, people started to throw a multitude of weapons, such as guns and grenade launchers and everything in between, into a furnace. One of these was Flip, who dug out weapon after weapon, proclaimed, "Well, I won't be needing these anymore."

Also, the Pentagon was turned into what is called The Five Corners Mall, nuclear missiles were being hauled away, and children were playing happily in a garden area, where one took a DANGER sign and rearranged the letters to read GARDEN.

Then, people from all over the world were joining hands and singing.

 _Come on, people now, smile on your brother  
Everybody get together  
Try to love one another right now _

The group was so large, not only did they look like a giant peace sign, but said peace sign could be seen from space. However, in space, a certain spaceship sees this, with Invader Zim and Gir seeing said sign.

Zim proclaims, "Foolish humans. Earth is now ripe for the plucking!" After a diabolical laugh from Zim and a genuine laugh from Gir, they arrive on Earth. Zim was holding a slingshot, and Gir holding a club, "PEOPLE OF EARTH, we come to you in the spirit of HOSILITY and _menace_!" Everyone gasps at the sight of the aliens and their weapons, as more UFO's appear, "Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!"

Gir happily shouted, "WE'RE ENSLAVING YOU! After this, I'm making a cake to celebrate."

Scoots comments, "They conquered us with a club. Wish we'd saved an A-bomb."

More Invaders land as Zim orders, "MOVE ALONG, _HUMANS_!"

As all the humans are lead away by the invaders, Becky complains, "This is all the Loud's fault!"

Principal Huggins added, "At first, I was just annoyed by their antics and merchandise, but now, I wish they were _dead_."

At the Loud House, Lynn sees the newspaper with the headline "Monsters Okay Slave Plan", and says, "Great! And now we're slaves! This paw stinks!"

Lynn Sr. grabbed the paw and said, "OK! We've got one wish left! I've got a wish that won't backfire!" He orders, "Paw, I wish for a platter of turkey sandwiches, on rye bread... with lettuce and mustard... and…" He sternly explains, "And I don't want any zombie turkeys. I don't want to turn into a turkey myself... and I don't want any other weird surprises, you got it?"

The pinky finger bent forward, and the wish was granted, as a floating platter was presented to the family. Everyone seemed satisfied and grabbed a sandwich. As they ate, Lynn Sr. commented on it, "Not bad… Nice hot mustard, good bread. Turkey's a little dry…" Everyone gulps mid-bite and Lynn Sr. cries out, "The turkey's a little dry!" He held the paw up and cursed, "Oh, foul accursed thing!" He dropped to his knees, "What demon from the fiery pit of the underworld created thee?!"

Outside, Lynn Sr. was about to throw away the paw when he hears, "Nice monkey paw, Loud!" He sees Mr. Grouse standing beside him, "Whatcha been doing? Making wishes on it?"

"Yeah, but it's no good. No matter what I wish, it backfires." He tosses it to Grouse, "You know what? You have it."

As Grouse catches the paw, its fingers started to curl back up, showing Mr. Grouse had 4 wishes now. After that, Flip runs pass them, screaming as Zim chased him with a slingshot, "BOW BEFORE MY SLINGSHOT, _PUNY HUMAN_!"

Mr. Grouse pondered and said, "Well, I guess my first wish is to get rid of those dang aliens."

In the distance, Lori shouted, "For the last time, Bobby's family is here legally!"

Mr. Grouse shouted back, "I meant the _space_ aliens! For Pete's sake."

The paw glows and bends its pinky, and Zim runs by screaming, "AAHH! HE'S GOT A BOARD WITH A NAIL IN IT!"

Flip chases after him with said board, "Enslave humanity, will ya?!"

Zim orders Gir, who was dressed up like a king and eating a huge cake, "RUN, GIR!"

As the ship flew off, Flip waved his board at it, "That's right! You better run!"

On the ship, Gir was to Earth as it slowly disappears in the distance, "Bye, Earth! We'll miss you!"

Zim groaned, "Well, the humans have won. But not to worry. That board with the nail in it may have defeated us... but the humans won't stop there. They'll make bigger boards and bigger nails. Soon they will make a board with a nail so big... it will DESTROY THEM ALL!" As they fly off, Gir and Zim share one final laugh.

Back on Earth, the citizens carry Mr. Grouse above their heads, grateful for him saving them. Lynn Sr. says to himself, "Wishing the aliens away. What did _I_ think of that?"

As the group puts him down, he calls out, "Hey, Loud! This monkey's paw works great! Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll spruce up the old homestead."

Mr. Grouse walks inside and, after some time, his house turned into a giant European castle.

The Loud's see how well the paw is working for Mr. Grouse and merely say, "Dang it!"

* * *

 **For those wondering, I kept out the part about the smuggling since I honestly can't imagine any of them doing that, and the joke doesn't work too well in our Post 9/11 world. Still, hope you all enjoyed it!**


	7. Lincoln's Nightmare: The Linc Zone

**The following is a parody of The Bart Zone, based on the Twilight Zone episode, "It's A Good Life". I was originally wanting to make this parody a nightmare for Leni, since her voice actress is the daughter of the actor who played the kid in the original episode, but I decided to make it about Lincoln, so it would fit better.**

* * *

In Lincoln's room, Lisa shakes her older brother to wake up. The middle Loud stirs awake and turns to see his younger sister, "Huh? Lisa? What's the matter?"

Lisa explained as she normally does, "Sixth-eldest-sibling, I'm afraid that during my REM cycle, I was awoken by a terrifying nightmare and wish to take refugee in your bed for the remaining astronomical night."

Lincoln yawns, "What?"

Lisa's voice turned more scared and whinier, "I had a bad dream! May I sleep in your bed tonight?"

Lincoln smiles, "Sure thing, sis." He shuffles over and lifts up his sheet, "Climb aboard."

Lisa crawls into bed next to her big brother and covers herself, "Thanks, Lincoln."

Lincoln yawns and lies his head back down, "Sleep tight, Lisa."

As Lincoln falls asleep, his nightmare begins, featuring a narration by a Rod Sterling soundalike, "Submitted for your approval: Royals Woods; an average little town, with a not so average monster."

In the town, many minor characters are shown, smiling happily for no real reason, going about their lives as the narrator continues, "The people of Royal Woods have to think happy thoughts, say happy things, because this particular monster can read minds, and if displeased can turn people into grotesque, walking terrors."

Mr. Grouse shows up muttering, "Happy thoughts, happy thoughts," He scoffs, "Boy, I'm getting mighty sick of this." Suddenly, he was turned into a dog, but still had his face and voice, "Ruff ruff ruff. Bow wow."

At the Loud House, the family was sitting down and eating breakfast, and the announcer asks, "And did I mention that the monster," Lincoln walks into the room, "Is an eleven-year-old boy?" Lincoln keeps standing there, looking happy and smiling, "Quite a twist, huh? Bet you didn't see that one coming."

Lincoln waves, "Good morning, everyone!"

The family spits out their breakfast, and with obvious looks of fear on their faces, smile and Lori says, "Good morning!"

Leni waves, "Morning!"

Luna throws up the goats, "Sup, bra?"

Luan says, "Morning!"

Lynn says, "Morning!"

Lucy says, "Morning."

Lola and Lana say in unison, "Morning!"

Lisa says, "Good day, sixth-eldest-sibling."

Lily says, "Poo poo!"

Rita adds, "Good morning, Lincoln."

As Lincoln sits at the table, Lynn Sr. says, "Hiya, Lincoln!" Lincoln pours himself a bowl of Savvy Puffs, the official cereal of his favorite crime fighter, Ace Savvy, "How's my boy?!" He chuckles nervously.

Lincoln notices Charles whining as he rubs himself against Lincoln's leg, "Everyday, same old dog." He looks back up to his family, who merely keep smiling, "I'll make him more interesting."

Lincoln gives a hard look at Charles, and in no time at all, morphs into an anthropomorphic version of Ace Savvy and says, "Time to deal out some justice! Ace Savvy, ruff, ruff, and away!" He flies off, crashing through the ceiling.

The family gasps, and Lincoln comments, "Ah! That's better!"

Rita says, "Much better!"

Lynn Sr. says, "It's good that you made that awful thing!"

Lisa adds, "I for one am positively ecstatic that you transformed one of our beloved animal companions into an anthropomorphic sin against nature."

Lincoln looks at the time and says, "Well, guess we better get to school, then!"

The kids all stood up and walked out, the Loud parents waving as they left the house. Once gone, Lynn Sr. tells Rita, "He gets it from _your_ side of the family, you know. No monsters on _my_ side."

As everyone piles into the van, Lincoln asks, "Hey, Lori, could I drive today?"

Lori smiles and says, "Sure, Lincoln. I like letting my little brother drive recklessly."

As Vanzilla speeds through the town, almost hitting many cars and almost hitting people, the police wave, "Hi, Lincoln!"

Lincoln looks down and says, "Put the pedal to the metal, sis!"

Lori was in the floorboard, controlling the gas and brake, "Hey, this is fun, right?! We're all literally going to die!"

At Royal Woods Elementary, which had been changed to the Lincoln Loud Unified School of Royal Woods, Vanzilla was on its side, looking like it was crashed. Lincoln and his sisters were in one classroom, surrounded by all their respective friends and crushes, and even Bobby, Ronnie Anne, and the Casagrande kids, all of whom had fearful smiles on their faces.

Lincoln is sitting on a throne in the back, being fanned by Clyde and drinking a milkshake held by Ronnie Anne, while Mrs. Johnson announces, "Good news, everyone! Effective immediately, the grading system has been changed from how well you do on tests and homework to how much fun you have in a day, and every Monday at lunch will be Sci-Fi Movie Monday!" She says, "Thank you, Lincoln, for completely spitting in the face of education! It's much better now!"

He smiles, "You're welcome, Mrs. J."

On the intercom, Principal Huggins announces, "Your attention, please. This is Principal Huggins. Lincoln, this one's for you." A pitch pipe is played, and he begins to sing.

 _Hello, my baby  
Hello, my honey  
Hello, my ragtime gal_

 _Send me a kiss by wire_

As he sings, Lincoln snaps his fingers, "Luan! Prank call, if you please!"

Luan pulls out her cell phone and dials a number.

Over at Flip's Food 'n Fuel, he picks up the phone and says, "Flip's Food 'n Fuel. Hold on, I'll check." He looks to the few patrons in the place and says, "Hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt!" Everyone unsurprisingly laughs at this, and Flip suspiciously says, "Hey, wait a minute."

As Luan hangs up, she and Lincoln share a good laugh. Then, Principal Huggins says, "One more time!" He plays the pitch pipe again and sings a little faster.

 _Hello, my baby  
Hello, my honey  
Hello, my ragtime gal_

He says, "Double time now!"

Lincoln grins and proclaims, "I love school."

Back home, Lynn is watching a football game with Lana next to her, "Come on, come on! Please win!"

Lincoln walks in and looks at his sister, "Hey, Lynn. I want to watch ARGGH!"

Lynn glares, "Shut it, Stinkoln! If they get this field goal, they win the game!"

Lincoln glares as his big sister, and she disappears! He sits in her spot and watches what transpires on TV, "The kick is up! It's looking good! The ball is turning into a 13-year-old girl!" On TV, Lynn screams as she heads for the field goal, only to hit one of the posts and plummet to the ground, "And it's no good! And you know what we say, when something strange happens, it's good that Lincoln did that." Lincoln smiles at this and grabs the remote, "It's very good."

He changes the channel to ARGGH!, where Hunter Spector looks pale and tired, "And we're still on! 346 consecutive hours, and all because of one little boy who…" He snaps, "WHO WON'T LET ME STOP!" He goes back to smiling and walks, "Now, let's walk over here and see if we can find a ghost in the coffee machine."

Outside, a cab shows up and then speeds away. Lynn walks in, holding a baseball bat and her head covered in bandages. She walks over to Lincoln, thinking, "Slowly, slowly, don't make a sound. Don't even think, because he can hear your thoughts, and when he's least expecting it," She stands behinds the couch, her bat held high and ready to swing down, "Bash his head in with the bat, end of monster, Hehehe!"

Before she could, she found herself transformed. Only a silhouette of her new form was shown, and then it's shown she was turned into a Jack-in-the-Box, her head swaying back and forth.

Rita and Lynn Sr. come into the living room and gasp at the sight. Rita glares, "Lincoln!"

Lynn Sr. approaches his son and stomps his foot, "That's it, young man! You're coming with us!" Lincoln glares at his father, who smiles and politely asks, "Please?"

They arrive at the office of Dr. Lopez, who asks, "You like getting your own way, don't you, Lincoln?"

Lincoln nods, "I sure do!"

"Well, we all do. The problem with you is you don't care if you get your way the right way, like doing a good deed or high marks in school and getting reward, or the wrong way, like," She points to Lynn, who was sitting next to the parents, her head swaying back and forth, "Say, turning your sister into a Jack-in-the-Box." Dr. Lopez looks to her and says, "Lynn, I see you agree with my theory."

Lynn glares, "I'm not nodding. It's the air conditioning."

"Well, too bad, because Lincoln probably feels like this because you and your sisters always keep him from getting his way. I'd want you both to spend some quality time together, get to know each other, maybe even love each other."

After that, Lynn and Lincoln start spending time together. They go to a baseball game and, as a ball comes into the stands, Lincoln tries to catch it. However, it hit Lynn on the head, making her sway back and forth as she shouts. We then see them at the movie theatre, Gus's Game and Grub, teaching Lincoln how to throw a football, and riding a roller coaster at Dairyland. However, on said coaster, as they go over one of the hills, the coaster goes down, while Lynn's springy head stays up, before being pulled back down.

As the end of the day, the sun sets and Lincoln and Lynn enjoy it. They sit on the end of a pier, licking ice cream cones, with Lynn's head going back and forth and licking each time she went forward.

Lynn asks, "It's beautiful, ain't it, Stinkon… er, Lincoln."

"It sure is." He looks to his big sister, "You know, sis, these last few days have been great. I sure wish there was something I could do to repay you."

"Well," Lynn suggested, "If you wanted to, you could give me my body back."

"You got it!" He looks at Lynn, and she's suddenly turned back to normal.

She smiles and hugs him, "Thanks, Lincoln."

Lincoln smiles, "I love you, sis."

Lynn smiles, "I love you, too, bro." Lynn tops it off by giving her little brother's cheek a kiss.

In his room, Lincoln wakes up, sitting up and screaming, "AAAAAAAAAH!"

* * *

 **Thanks to Starco-Ladynoir for helping me with the ending. I wasn't sure to make Lincoln turn Lynn Sr. or Lynn into the Jack-in-the-Box, so a big thank you for helping me decide!**


	8. Lynn's Nightmare: If Only I Had A Brain

At 4:00 AM, Rita and Lynn Sr. were fast asleep in their bed when all of their children burst into the room, screaming in terror. They both stir awake, Rita asking, "What's wrong, kids!?"

Lincoln explained, "We all had nightmares!"

Leni explained, "I dreamt I was being chased by a giant spider!"

Luan explained, "I dreamt Mr. Coconuts came to life and tried to murder us!"

Lynn explained, "I dreamt that Lincoln had psychic powers and turned me into a Jack-in-the-Box, and then we," She shuddered, "Bonded."

Lincoln cocks a brow, "Huh. That's weird. I had the same dream." Lincoln and Lynn shoot each other an awkward look and back away from each other.

Rita bluntly said, "I told you so."

Lola asked, "Can we sleep in here with you tonight?"

Lynn Sr. asked his children, "Can't you kids sleep in the living room?"

Lori shook her head, "That's literally too far from you both!"

Rita sighed, "Alright, but just for tonight."

All of the kids crawled into the bed, thanking their parents for relieving their fears a bit. Lynn Sr. looks at the clock, "4:00 AM." He yawns as he goes back to sleep, "In a few hours… I have to go to work…" As he falls asleep, the third and final nightmare begins.

Lynn Sr. was at the Aloha Comrade, his place of work, closing up for the night. As he took a deep sigh, he said, "Another day, another…"

He is cut off by Sergei tapping him on the shoulder, "Lynn, I must have a word with you."

"Everything OK, Sergei?"

Sergei shook his head, "I am afraid not. I just looked over our numbers, and… I'm afraid I have to shut down."

"Shut down?!" Lynn Sr. panicked, "B-b-b-bu-but-b-but why?!"

Sergei sighed, "We haven't been getting any customers lately!" He points out the window, "Not since that new restaurant opened up."

Outside the window to see a restaurant with a sigh that read "US EH?", and had a miniature Statue of Liberty and a flag with Old Glory's stripes and a giant Maple Leaf in place of stars.

"The US EH? American Canadian Fusion restaurant?" Lynn Sr. smiles, "Oh, yeah! I took the family last week! It was great!" He sees Sergei shoot him a look, and Lynn Sr. goes, "Oh, right. Sorry, Sergei."

Sergei sighs, "I'm afraid we must be the Aloha Comrade aloha, comrade." He adds, "It means hello _and_ goodbye."

Lynn Sr. sighs, "Well, guess I'll have to tell the family the bad news." He walks out the backdoor, "Aloha, Sergei." He closes the door behind him, only to open it back up and say, "That was me saying goodbye."

Sergei bluntly responded, "Yeah, I get it." Once he was gone, Sergei grinned and shouted, "Flip!"

Flip walked in, "You called?"

Sergei said, "To the laboratory." Sergei and Flip walk over to the walk-in freezer and Sergei placed his hand upon the wall beside it, making a noise similar to a scanner. The freezer moved to the side, showing a dark stairway, which the two proceeded to go down. As the walked down, the only light being the torches on the walls, Sergei says, "That US EH? Has been a pain in my жо́па for too long!" He opens the door, revealing the laboratory. The two walked through it towards a table with a tarp over it, "But, we shall see how high and mighty they are once I destroy their puny restaurant with," He pulls off the tarp, "This!"

Under the tarp was a giant robot, which greatly resembled Lynn Sr.

Flip asks, "No offense, chief, but wouldn't it smarter to just build robots to work in your restaurant?"

Sergei snapped, "I'm not paying you to think!" He turns his attention back to the robot, "Speaking of think, all we need for it now is…" He says ominously, "A human brain."

Flip shrugged, "Eh. As long as I'm getting paid."

Back at the Loud House, Lynn Sr. sighed as the family ate dinner, "Well, I can't take back my old IT job, so money's going to be tight for a while."

Lisa spoke up, reading a newspaper, "Oh! Here's a good job, father!" She frowns, "Oh, wait. It says here you have to know how to work an ultrasonic lithontriptor."

Lynn Sr. asked, "How hard can it be?"

Lisa shakes her head, then Lucy speaks up, "You know, Dad, my friend Silas's dad could hire you." She explains, "$28 hours an hour, plenty of fresh air, and you get to meet _lots_ of interesting people."

He smiles, "Sounds great! What kind of job is it?"

" _Gravedigger_." Lucy lets out an evil laugh as spooky organ music plays.

Another day, Lynn Sr. is seen digging a ditch as his new boss orders, "Deeper, wider, faster! I wouldn't bury my turtle in the mud puddle!" He scoffs and walks off, "Oh, what's the use?"

Lynn Sr. huffs, "Sheesh! What a slave driver." He keeps digging, only for the angel statue above the grave to have its head break of and hit him on the noggin, "OOF!" He goes crosseyed, "Tennis, anyone?" He falls to the dirt below, passing out.

The day transitioned into night, and in the dead of the night, Sergei and Flip were walking through the graveyard, Sergei holding an old lantern and Flip holding a shovel and pickax. Flip asked, "So, what corpse should we unearth, chief?"

"Oh, I don't know." Sergei smiles, "I feel like a kid in a candy store!" They come across the grave Lynn Sr. passed out in, "Приве́т. An open grave." He orders, "Flip, remove him from the grave, before someone sees!"

Flip recognizes, "Hey! Is that Loud's father, the one who worked for you? That bozo couldn't hurt a fly, much less destroy that restaurant!"

Sergei scoffed, "Well, who could destroy," He stops and grins, "The restaurant?"

Flip was then shown in Sergei's mind to be just a floating brain atop a body. Flip worriedly remarks, "Uh… He'll do!"

Once in the bag, Flip dragged Lynn Sr. alone the ground, the rocks and stones beneath causing Lynn Sr. to moan and groan in pain. Flip stops and says, "Hey, chief, you hearing that?"

Sergei turns around, "No, I'm not!" He jokingly asks, "Who was it? Dracula? The Baga Yaga?"

Flip asks, "Baba what?" He shook his head, "No, no, no! It's the man in the bag! I think he's still alive!"

"Oh." Sergei walks over and starts beating on Lynn Sr. with the shovel, "Bad corpse! Bad! Stop! Scaring! Flip!" With that last hit, Lynn Sr. gave a pained groan and passed out once again, "Satisfied?"

Flip drags the bag once more, "Thanks, chief."

Back in the lab, Flip used a circular saw to remove the top of Lynn Sr's head, and Sergei approaches, slipping on his latex gloves. He puts his hand out, "Flip, hand me the ice cream scoop?"

Flip asks in confusion, "Ice cream scoop?"

"Dang it, man! This is not rocket science! Is brain surgery! Scoop now!" Sergei takes the scoop from Flip and digs at the brain. He pulls it out, yanking the stem out with it, "Hello." He puts the brain on his head and jokes, "Look at me! I am Davy Crocket!" He laughs, and removes the brain from atop his head, "OK, enough fun."

Sergei places the brain into the robot, attaches clamps onto it, welds the brain compartment shut, he and Flip have a quick pizza dinner, and finally, Sergei orders the switch to be flipped. After a long process of powering up, Sergei orders it to be turned off.

Finally, the robot arm starts to move, "Look, Flip, a twitch! It is moving!" He then imitates Dr. Frankenstein, "It's alive! Oh, that fellow at the Radio Shack said I was mad! Well, who is mad now?!" He gives a maniacal laugh and turns to the robot, "Hi, there." The robot's vision was all red and blurry, and he heard Sergei's voice, only it was electronic, "I am your papa."

The robot sits up and looks about, and his sensors pick up something through multiple walls. He stands up and walks, crashing through the walls with each. Turns out to be a plate of goulash, which he promptly poured down his robotic mouth and said in a mechanical voice, "Hmm. Needs salt."

Back at the Loud house, the kids and Rita were busy making calls and missing posters. Rita hangs up and says, "Well, nobody has seen your father!"

Leni sounded worried, "I hope he's OK."

Lori also seemed worried, "I literally can't imagine what could be happening to him right now!"

Back in the lab, Sergei was on his knees, crying, "It wasn't supposed to be this way!" He sobbed, "It was supposed to be a thing of beauty, not this _abomination_!"

Lynn Sr. Bot was shown working in the kitchen, making plate after plate at rapid speed.

Flip suggested, "The robot chef thing is looking pretty good right now, eh?"

Sergei grabs Flip's shirt and says, "No, Flip! Can't you see? I was wrong to play Bog!"

Flip asks, "Who?"

"Life is precious, not a thing to be toyed with. We must remove the brain and place it back inside Lynn Loud!"

Flip whined, "Oh, come on! It's 11:30! Couldn't we just flush it down the toilet or something?"

Sergei orders, "Remove that brain, or you can kiss your payment aloha!"

"Is that aloha as in "hello", or…"

Sergei cuts him off, "JUST DO IT!"

The brain was out of the robot and Sergei was sewing him up, Lynn Sr. saying, "Ow… ow… ow…"

Sergei tells him, "Oh, quit whining!"

After Sergei bits off the thread to finish the sewing, Flip says, "Hey! He _is_ alive!" He frowns, "Guess I owe ya a Flippee."

Sergei turns to the robot and scolds, "And as for you, you clinking, clattering cacophony... of collagenous cogs and camshafts, take... that!" Sergei kicks the bot, only for it to start giving way and fall forward, "AAH!" Sergei tries to run, but just barely misses escaping, the robot crushing him, "Every bone... shattered... organs... leaking vital fluids... a slight headache, loss of appetite. Flip, I'm going to die."

Flip shrugs, "OK!"

Before he could walk away, Sergei shouted, "Wait! If you save me, I will double your pay!"

"Double, eh?" He stops, "I'm listening."

"Go over to that table and grab those surgical tools and some ether. I have an idea."

Lynn Sr. wakes up, screaming, "AAAAAAAAH!"

Rita woke up and asked, "Lynn, what's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?"

Lynn Sr, still covered, shuffles in the bed, "No! Lynn Jr. bit me!"

Lynn poked out from under the blanket and said, "Hey, man, you were suffocating me!" She told the family, who were all now awake, "I tried to scream, but Dad's love handle was muffling me."

Lynn Sr. got out of bed, "Well, time to shake the dew off the lily."

Leni called out, "You really shouldn't shake Lily, dad! Just change her!"

Everyone shook their head at Leni's misunderstanding.

In the bathroom, Lynn Sr. was washing his when he screams, noticing Sergei's head on his body. Sergei explained, "Perhaps you're wondering why you have two heads? Well, my body was crushed, so I had my head grafted onto your body."

Lynn Sr. panics, "Gotta wake up! It's just a dream. It's all a dream!"

"Oh, that's right. It's all a dream." Dramatic violin music plays as the screen turns black, "Or is it?" All that was heard was Sergei's maniacal laughter.

The End.

* * *

 _Next week on the Loud House_ …

At breakfast, Lincoln says, "Don't forget, Dad. Tonight, my class is having an all-you-can-eat lasagna dinner!"

Lynn Sr., with his second head, smiled, "I wouldn't miss it for the world, kiddo!"

Sergei reminded him, "But, Lynn, tonight's the night we host the private dinner party for the mayor."

Lynn Sr. frowns, "Dang it! I hate have two heads!"

* * *

 **Thanks again to Starco-Ladynoir once more for giving me a hand with this! You continue to be a big help for me on here as always, my friend!**


	9. Loud House of Horror III: Intro

The scene opens up ala Alfred Hitchcock, with a silhouette behind some lines resembling a hefty person's physique. The lights turn on and shows Mr. Grouse, "Good evening. I've been asked to tell you that the following series of stories are very scary, with stuff that may give younger readers nightmares. You see, there are some crybabies out there… Democratic types, mostly… who might be offended. If you are one of those, I suggest you hit that backspace button now." Nothing happens, so he repeats, "Come on, I dare ya!" Nothing happens again, so Mr. Grouse starts bawking like a chicken at the viewer, "Chicken!" The screen cuts to the Loud House Fanfiction page, and Mr. Grouse says, "Hey!" Footsteps are heard and he says, "Alright, Loud, I did it! Where's my lasagna?"

Lynn Loud Sr. is heard telling him, "Mr. Grouse, I heard what you called the viewer."

"I still stand by what I said! You know I vote Republican!"

"Not that! I meant calling them "chicken"!"

"That only proves my point further."

The scenes cuts to the graveyard scene, with the title reading "The Loud House Halloween Special III", and more comedic tombstones are shown: Welcome to the Wayne, I'm With Stupid with an arrow pointing to the left tombstone, John K's career, American Workmanship, which then crumbled to reveal the Loud House.

Inside, the ending of the theme song takes place, but with all the Loud Kids looking like skeletons, the sound of their bones rattling, and Lily saying, "Poo poo!"

 **Sorry this intro was short. Since this is when the episodes start using the couch gag, I figured it'd be fitting to keep the intro chapters short, sweet, to the point, and save the first story set up for the actual first story, rather than split them up like the last two. See you next time!**


	10. Ace-Die

At the Loud House, there was a Halloween party going on with several friends of the Loud kids attending and in costume: Lori and Carol as the Statue of Liberty and Miss America, Leni as in a seafoam green Arabian princess costume, Chaz in normal clothes and a brown wig, Luna as Alex DeLarge from A Clockwork Orange, Sam as Elvis, Luan and Mr. Coconuts wearing pale white makeup and a white dress and suit, respectively, Lynn and Margo dressed as 1940's female baseball players, Lincoln and Clyde unsurprisingly dressed as Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack, Lucy dressed as Jake the Ripper and Haiku covered in fake blood as if she was a murder victim, Lana and Skippy dressed as monkeys, Lola and Winston dressed as a Queen and King, Lisa as an astronaut and Darcy as a Giraffe. Rita, dressed as Cleopatra and carrying Lily, was walking around through the somewhat chaotic party, and Lynn Sr. stepped out of the bedroom, dressed as Julius Caesar.

"Behold, mighty Caesar," He walks out, not noticing his toga getting caught on a protruding nail and ripping it off of his body, leaving him in his underwear, "In all his glory!" This made all the kids point and laugh, making him notice and cover himself, "Dang it."

Carol walked over to Leni and say, "Nice costume, Leni." She looks over to Lola, "I see you and Lola are both princesses this year."

Lola scoffed, "I'm a princess every day! Tonight, I am," She pauses for dramatic effect, "A Queen!" This made all of her siblings facepalm themselves.

Lynn walked up to Chaz and asked, "What the heck are _you_ supposed to be?"

Chaz answered "Oh! I'm Nickelodeon network producer, Dan Schneider!"

Lynn was silent for a few seconds before responding, "I don't get it."

Luna complained in her famous accent, "This party is right boring. Wish we was out trick-or-treain'."

Lincoln frowned, "You said it, sis."

Rita told her daughter and son, "Now, kids, don't complain. You can find just as much horror around the house." Rita was holding a bowl in her hands, "Now, you kids might not know this, but once, there was an evil witch, and she died a horrible death!" Lisa turned off the lights, and Rita took a pair of grapes from the bowl, "These are her eyeballs."

She hands them to Darcy, and she and all the kids went, "EEEEEW!"

Rita pulled out some noodles, "This is her hair."

"EEEEEW!"

She took out a t-bone steak, "And these are her _brains_!"

Darcy took it and shuddered before passing them along. Luna spoke up, "Hey, Mom! We didn't get the eyeballs yet!"

Rita turned on the flashlight, and everyone saw Chaz holding the steak and slurping up the noodles, "Chaz! You're ruining it!"

Chaz frowned, "Sorry, Mrs. Loud! I was so hungry!"

Rita turned on the light, "Well, now we need to find another Halloween activity." She thinks it over and asks, "Does anybody know a ghost story?"

Mr. Coconuts spoke up, "What's _that_ supposed to mean!?"

Luan calmed down her puppet, "Now, now, Mr. Coconuts. She didn't mean anything by it." She explains, "He prefers the term 'spiritual American'." She laughs, "Hahahahaha! Get it?"

Everyone groaned, but then Lori spoke up, "I've got one! It's about a boy and his action figure."

Lynn Sr. scoffed, "That's not scary."

"An action figure," Lori made a diabolical face, "That _kills_!"

Lynn Sr. said in a scared tone, "I have to go to the store."

Lori laughed as the scene transitioned into the first story.

* * *

On an outside shot of the Loud House, the title was spelled out in blood: _Ace-Die_!

Inside the house, Lincoln was opening a present from his grandfather, who smiled and said, "Happy Birthday, Lincoln!"

Lincoln opens the box to see a bunch of money inside, "Wow! Thanks, Pop Pop!"

Rita asked, "Where'd you get the money from, Dad?"

Albert answered, "The government. I didn't earn it, I don't need it, but if they miss one payment, I'll raise heck!"

Lincoln looked around and looked to his sister, Leni, "Hey, Leni. Where's _your_ gift?"

Leni realized she forgot a gift for him and said, "Dang it! Uh, I mean…" She smiled and spoke enthusiastically, " _Dang it_ , Lincoln," She frowned and spoke regularly, "I was so busy planning your party, I forgot to get you one. But don't worry! I'm going to go get you one right now!"

Somewhere in town, Leni stops at a place called House of Evil, with the slogan "Your One Stop Evil Shop". Leni looks around, creeped out by a few of the strange things in the shop. She sees someone at the front counter and asks, "Do you sell toys?"

Out of the shadows, an old, greenish skinned stereotypical old Asian steps forward, smoking a long pipe and answering in a sinister tone, "We sell forbidden objects from places men fear to tread." He says in a more natural tone of voice, "We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call "frogurt"."

Leni tells me, "Everyone just calls it Froyo, now."

The man frowned, "Dang it."

Leni explained, "I need something for my little brother's birthday."

The man turns around, "Perhaps this will please the gentleman." His hand travels past a shrunken head, a stuffed two-headed cat, a beating hard in a jar, and finally grabs an Ace Savvy action figure with a string attached to its back. He turns back around, "Take this object, but beware: It carries a terrible curse."

The man hands the doll to Leni, who grabs it and frowns, "Oooh, that's bad."

"But it comes with a free frogurt!"

Leni smiles, "That's good!"

"The frogurt is also cursed."

"That's bad."

"But you get your choice of toppings."

"That's good!"

"The toppings contain potassium benzoate." Leni didn't respond that time, so the man told her, "That's bad."

Leni asked in a worried tone, "Can I go now?"

Back at the house, everyone was around the door, playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Clyde was blindfolded, trying to pin it, when Leni swung the door open, "I'm back!" She hears a grown and moves the door back, showing she had slammed poor Clyde into the wall, "Whoops. Sorry, Clyde!"

Clyde asked, "Who's Clyde?"

Leni disregarded his words and gives a wrapped present to Lincoln, "Happy Birthday, Linky!"

Lincoln took the present and ripped it open, gasping, "Great Caesar's ghost! A talking Ace Savvy action figure!"

He takes the toy out of the box and pulls the string, and its mouth moves as it talks, "I'm Ace Savvy, and I'm ready to deal out some justice!"

Lincoln smiled and hugged his big sister, "Thanks, Leni. This is the best birthday I've ever had."

Lucy pops up, scaring everyone and saying, "That doll is evil, I tell you. Evil. Eeee-viiiil!"

Rita bluntly said, "Lucy, you've said that about all the presents."

Lucy looked to her feet, "I just wanted attention."

The next day, the Loud sisters were all in the living room when Lori comes in and sits down, but stands back up, grabbing her butt and yelling, "Ouch!" She looks down and sees Lincoln's action figure.

Luan joked, "Hey, Lincoln left his doll in here! Isn't that a _pain in the butt_? Hahahahaha! Get it?"

Lori picks it up and scoffs, "Seriously. What's so interesting about this thing?"

Lori pulls the string and Ace says, "I'm Ace Savvy and I don't like any of you."

Lori and the sisters all looked suspiciously at the action figure, Luna commenting, "Well, that was weird."

Ace spoke again, "I'm Ace Savvy and I'm going to kill all of you!"

Lynn chuckled, "Cool! You didn't even need to pull the string that time!"

Suddenly, Ace Savvy turned his head around to face the sisters, "I said I'm going to kill you!" He points at them, "You!" His eyes bulge a bit, "The Loud Sisters!"

Everyone screamed at this and Lori tossed him against a wall. They all back away, Lori asking, "Leni, where did you get this thing!?"

Leni answered, "Some creepy little Asian man in a creepy little shop gave it to me!"

Hearing this revelation, the sisters all facepalmed themselves, excluding Leni. They see Ace climb up the arm of the couch, and he was brandishing a butcher knife, a murderous intent in his eyes. Ace lunges at the sisters, and in the kitchen, Rita, Lynn Sr., and Lincoln heard them scream and rush into the living room.

Lynn Sr. asked, "What's going on in here?!"

As the sisters were huddled together in a corner, Lori pointed to the action figure, "That doll tried to kill us!"

The Ace Savvy toy was now motionless, so Lincoln picked him up and pulled the string, "I'm Ace Savvy and I'm ready to deck some bad guys!"

Lincoln looks at his sisters, "Very funny, guys."

Rita shook her head, "You girls have such active imaginations."

After that, the girls all gulped, fearing this wasn't the end.

Following that event, a montage began. Lori was taking a relaxing bubble bath when Ace Savvy popped out of the water, holding a knife. Lori screams, running out of the bathroom. While the viewer saw nothing, Lincoln and Clyde saw her run by, making Lincoln gag and Clyde to get a massive nose bleed. Leni was sewing up a new dress when Ace Savvy pulled a pin from her pin cushion and tried to stab her with it, which she managed to keep dodging. Luna opened up her guitar case, only for Ace to pop out, holding one of the strings like a garotte and hopping onto Luna to strangle her. Luan was carrying her case for Mr. Coconuts when she heard a rattling inside. She opens it, and Ace had a knife in one hand and Mr. Coconut's head in the other, making the comedienne run off in fear. Lynn was using her bat to swat away knifes that Ace was throwing at her. Lucy was being chased by Ace holding a lipstick dispense and mascara brush, making stabbing motions with both. He chases after Lola and Lana while he drives Lola's princess car at top speed. Finally, he is seen trying to blast Lisa with a laser beam.

Later on, Ace was in a doll house in Lola and Lana's room, sitting on a bed with an attractive doll in a bikini. He puts his arm around her and grins, "Hey, baby. Get comfortable. Relax." As he talked, Lori and the others slowly snuck in, "That sure is a nice swimsuit you have on. Maybe I should change into my speedo." While he kept macking on the doll, Lynn grabbed him and threw him into a bag that Lori was holding. Inside, there was a bunch of used diapers, "You think dirty diapers can stop me!?" As Lori ties up the bag, she places it in a small suitcase that Luan was holding, "Well… they are making me dizzy." After thrashing about in the bag for a few seconds, he finally passed out, and Lana closed the suitcase and chained it up.

Just outside Royal Woods, Luna tossed the suitcase off a cliff, saying "Goodbyyyyyye, Dolly!"

Back at the house, Lori parked Vanzilla in the driveway and everyone pilled out. Lori said, "I'm so glad this nightmare is literally over."

All of the girls nodded and spoke in agreement and walked away from the van.

However, underneath the van, Ace Savvy was held in place by a tightened belt, showing that he managed to escape and get back home with them. After releasing his restrain, he groaned in pain.

Everyone walked in, Lisa bringing up the rear. Ace appeared behind her and covered her eyes, "Guess who, Four-Eyes?!"

Lisa screamed in terror, which caused the others to scream in terror. Ace hopped from Lisa to Leni and hugged the dimwitted Loud's face, making her scream and run into the kitchen. Her mother and father see this and gasp, Rita asked, "What's going on here?!"

Leni answered as Ace wrestled her to the ground, "The doll's trying to kill us and the toaster's been laughing at me!" Ace dunked her into Charles's water bowl, trying to drown her. She comes back up for a second and exclaimed, "EW! Dog water!"

Lana frowned, "Lucky."

Lynn Sr. grabbed the phone and grabbed the box, the back of which read "Problems? Call 1-900-DON'T-SUE". He dialed the number and when it answered, he said, "Hello!? Your doll is trying to kill my children! …Yes, I'll hold."

Some time later, the doorbell rings and Rita answers, asking, "What took you so long?!"

Ace was now trying to pull Lynn's tongue out of her mouth, but the worker grabbed the doll and moved his cape, revealing a switch on the back, "Yep. Here's your problem." The switch had Evil at the top and Good at the bottom, with the switch turned to the top, "Someone switched this thing to "Evil"."

He switches it back and places the doll on the ground, and he says, "I love you, Loud sisters!

After that, the girls all gushed, "Aaaaw!" They gathered for a group hug, Lori saying, "Come here, you."

The next day, the kids were all sitting down in the living room, with Ace and Lincoln sitting together on the floor. Ace said, "Hey, sorry for that whole "trying to kill your sisters" thing, Lincoln."

Lincoln shrugs, "All good, Ace!" He leans over, "To be honest, better them than me."

Lori glared, "I literally heard that!"

Lincoln gulped.

That night, Lola placed Ace in her doll house, "Good night, Ace!"

Lana crawled into her bed, "Welcome to the family!"

"Good night, girls!" Ace turns off the fake light in the dollhouse bedroom and walks over to the bikini doll, "Well, being part of the family is nice," He wraps his arm around the doll, "But nothing beats coming home to you, baby." He kisses the doll, causing her head to fall off, "Whoops!" He chuckles and places it back on, "Here! Let me get that for you!" He cuddles with the doll, and the story ends with a heart-shaped iris outro as cheesy 70's love music played.

* * *

 **Thanks to Starco-Ladynoir for helping me out with this chapter! Also, for those wondering, Chaz's costume is a subtle jab to the rumor about Dan Schneider. You know the one.**


	11. King Lynn

**Welcome back! Originally, I was going to change this story to surround Lori and Bobby in place of Homer and Marge, but I wasn't liking how that was turning out, so I'm just going to keep it with Lynn Sr. and Rita. Also, since Rita doesn't have a maiden name yet, I've decided to give her one. Points to whomever gets where I got her name from.**

* * *

Back in the living room, the lights were out and Lynn was holding the flashlight to her face, saying in an ominous voice, "And then his wife comes in through the door!"

Nobody reacted to this, and Lincoln shrugged, "So?"

"Did I mention she was dead?"

Lisa responded, "No."

"Well, she was." Lynn continues, "And she hit him in the head with a _golf club_!"

Lori asked, "And?"

Lynn glares, "Don't you remember!? He went golfing all the time, and it really bugged her!"

Lana reminded her big sister, "You said he went _bowling_."

Lynn frowned, "Dang it."

After that, there was a scoff and a familiar old voice saying, "Nice story, Loud!"

Everyone saw Mr. Grouse at the front door, and Lincoln asked, "Mr. Grouse? What are _you_ doing here?"

Mr. Grouse answered, "The power went out in my house and I was afraid to be alone." He approaches the group and says, "Point is, I've coughed up scarier things than that story!"

Leni enthusiastically asked, "Why don't you tell us a story, Mr. Grouse? You've probably led an interesting life!"

The old man shrugged, "Eh. Not really." The colors start to slowly turn black and white as he says, "But I have seen _a lot_ of movies."

The scene cuts to an old movie title screen, the title of which read "King Bobby". It then cuts to a scene where a large boat was in a foggy harbor, where Lord Tetherby and Howard McBride stood around. Tetherby was dressed like a wealthy man on safari and Howard like a sailor.

Out of the fog, Rita appeared, wearing a dress, a jacket over her shoulders, a pearl necklace, and an old timey flapper hat. She appeared to be holding a newspaper. She introduces herself, "My name is Rita Talley. I'm here about your ad." She reads from the paper, "Single, white female wanted for mysterious expedition. Must like monkeys. Non-smoker preferred."

Lord Tetherby examined her and said, "Well, you'd certainly be a welcome change of pace from these crude and uncouth sailors."

Two stereotypical sailors were behind him, saying "Arrgh!" over and over again.

Tetherby turns to Howard, "What do you say, McBride?"

Howard frowns and responses, "I think women and sea…"

Tetherby holds up his hand, "Don't. I know where you're going with that sentence, so don't." He turns his attention back to Rita, "Young lady, you're hired!" He then began to laugh maniacally, making Rita look quite unsure and spooked.

Some time later, the boat was out at sea and Rita, now wearing an old timey women's swimsuit, was sunbathing on a chair as three sailors watch from the ladder of a smokestack. These sailors all looked like Kotaro, Sergei, and an unnamed man, respectively.

Kotaro mentioned, "I heard we're going to Ape Island."

Sergei responded, "Yeah, to capture a giant ape! Wish we were going to Candy Apple Island."

The nameless one asked, "Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?"

Kotaro answered, "Apes, but they're not so big."

A shot of the island is shown, and there's mountain with a skull shaped formation, with two caves as eyes. The sound of tribal drums and natives chanting can be heard, "Ly-nn! Ly-nn! Ly-nn!"

On the ship, the captain, who looked like Flip, asked, "Hey, chief, who's this Lynn guy?"

As Tetherby read the map, he responded, "He's either a 50ft, prehistoric ape, or a tourist trap concocted by the Ape Island JC's. Either way, we're going ashore."

Rita approached the men and asked, "Am I going, too?"

Tetherby laughed heartily, "Of course! We wouldn't think of going without the bait!" He stammers and adds, "Uh, that is… the bait-thing beauty. The bathing beauty!" He chuckles, "I covered that up pretty well."

On the island, Tetherby, Rita, now dressed in cargo shorts and a matching shirt, and Howard come across the natives, doing a tribal dance and chanting, "Ly-nn! Ly-nn! Ly-nn! Ly-nn! Ly-nn! Ly-nn! Ly-nn! Ly-nn! Ly-nn! Ly-nn!"

The chief of the natives spots them hiding in the bushes, seeing the top of Rita's head and hearing Tetherby say, "Just try to remain inconspicuous."

The dance and music stop as the chief says something in their language, which translated in subtitles as, "The blonde-haired woman will make a good sacrifice!"

In the bushes, Rita asks Tetherby, "What's he saying?"

Tetherby hesitated an answer and lied, "He said, um… We wouldn't _dream_ of sacrificing the blonde-haired woman!"

Rita fell for it and said, "Aaaw! Well, isn't that-AAH!" She's cut off by the natives grabbing her, which shocked Howard but left Tetherby unphased.

Some time later, Rita was tied up to a sacrificial platform, wearing only a long skirt and what could only be described as a midriff. She thrashed about, screaming and trying to break free. As she does, her screams are heard in the distance, which reach off towards a part of the island where a giant ape, whose face look like Lynn Sr., fighting a dinosaur. The villagers ring a gong, which distracts him from the fight, causing the dinosaur to bite him on the arm, "YOWCH!" His scream of "YOWCH!" echoed through the island.

Back by Rita, as she screams and thrashes, King Lynn appears, looking down on her with a rather strange smile, which only made her scream louder.

Nearby, Tetherby told Howard, "McBride, this is a golden opportunity! If we get him alive, we can put him on Broadway! Dead, we'll sell monkey stew to the army!"

King Lynn had picked up Rita and ran his giant finger over her face and hair, making her warn, "You keep your hands to yourself, mister!"

After that, the giant ape sniffed at her, making him suggestively growl. Rita, for whatever reason, found this charming and giggled.

Then, the sailors and Tetherby showed up with guns and cannons, Tetherby ordering, "Now, we don't want to kill it! Shoot him around the groin and belly!"

They opened fire on King Lynn, which angered him greatly. He put Rita safely onto a nearby tree and beat his chest. He grabbed Kotaro and threw the Asian into his mouth.

Kotaro popped his head out and said, "Hey, Lynn, cut it out. Come on! Quit eating me!"

In that moment, Sergei fired a tranquillizer dart, but it hit Kotaro's arm by mistake, "Ow! Nice shot, Sergei."

King Lynn pushed Kotaro into his mouth, where he proceeded to eat him.

Tetherby was standing by a crate of gas bombs, one of which he held in his hand, "Alright, you big ape, get a snoot full of this gas bomb!" He removes the pin and throws it, but it didn't go far, landing a foot or two from him, "Dang it."

The bomb went off, covering the rich man in gas and making him shiver. King Lynn flashed his weird smile once again, and Tetherby began to dance and sing, " _I was strolling through the gas one day…_ "

Howard picked up a second bomb and threw it, making sure it landed by King Lynn. The bomb goes off, making the giant ape grunt and yell, which then turned into a murmur and yawn, and then silence as he passed out from the gas.

The two of them approach King Lynn and Tetherby praises, "Nice work, McBride! When we get back, I'm giving you a raise!" However, King Lynn, still comatose, accidently throws his hand over and crushes Howard. Tetherby, unphased by the moment, merely shrugged and said, "Oh, well."

On Broadway, the marque reads "King Lynn: The Eighth Wonder of the World", and underneath was a smaller one that read "Plus the Chubbiest Kickline in Town".

Inside, said kickline was finishing their routine and heading off stage, with Tetherby and Rita backstage. Onstage, King Lynn was restrained on a giant platform, grunting and moving about as if trying to break free.

A group of reporters show up and one asks, "What kind of show have you got for us, Mr. Tetherby?"

"Well, the ape's going to stand around for about 3 hours or so," He adds, "Then, we'll close with the ethnic comedy of Dugan and Dershowitz!"

"Sen-sational!"

On stage, Mr. Tetherby introduces, "Ladies and gentleman! In his native land, he was a king, but he comes before you in chains for your own amusement!" The curtain rises, "Behold, Lynn! The Eighth Wonder of the World!"

The audience gasps at the sight, while a man who looks like Coach Pacowski stands up and shouts, "Wow!" He points to the stage, "Look at the size of that platform!"

The reporters come onstage and start taking flash photography of King Lynn, which he obviously doesn't like, causing him to angrily growl and thrash about.

Rita rushes over to the reporters and says, "Stop that! Can't you see you're making him angry!?"

The reporter responds, "Come on! What's he gonna do? Run amok in downtown Royal Woods?"

In an ironic twist, King Lynn manages to break the chains on his hands and use them to free himself from the platform.

As everyone screams in terror, Rita runs off and King Lynn squashes the reporter who spoke, then proceeds to be on his chest in a fit of rage.

Coach Pacowski approaches King Lynn and says, "Hey, monkey!" He holds up a bag of peanuts and offers, "Want a peanut?"

King Lynn grabbed the bag and threw the entire thing into his mouth.

Pacowski angrily responded to this, "I said _one_!" He then kicks at the ape's foot, but this leaves King Lynn unphased.

After that, the King broke free from the building into another, where a child who looks like Lindsey Sweetwater in a Shirley Temple-esque sailor uniform was onstage, singing, " _On the good ship Lollipop, it's a sweet trip to a candy shop,_ " King Lynn seems to be enjoying the music, " _Where bon bons_ …" However, it soon ended as Lindsey noticed King Lynn, making her scream, and then her and the audience run away, screaming in terror.

King Lynn sees this and frowns, grunting sadly.

The next day, at the Empire State Building, Tetherby and Rita sat in a room as Tetherby sullenly said, "I'm dreading the reviews, I can tell you that."

King Lynn then appears outside the window, making Rita scream in terror. This in turn makes King Lynn grab her, making her scream even further. After that, King Lynn began to climb the building, soon reaching the top.

Rita begged, "Please! Put me down! Don't hurt me!"

King Lynn looked down at Rita and frowned. He smiled softly and places Rita by his face, letting her touch upon his furry cheek. She gently rubs it, and smiles. Seeing how tenderly he was treating her, she realized, "You're not really a monster, are you?"

King Lynn nodded and the two give a warm look towards one another. However, this was short lived as fighter jets soon came and tried to shoot down Lynn. In the battle, he manages to take down one of the jets, but the rest of them manage to shot him. As King Lynn starts to fall, he put Rita down, assuring she was safe, and falls.

At the base of the building, Lynn hit the ground, the impact causing a tremor and causing the street to crack. A huge crowd gathers, which had Tetherby looking at the giant ape. Rita appears and shouts, "Lynn!" She rushes over to the ape and hugs him, sadden at his apparent death.

A cop says, "Well, I guess the planes got him, huh?"

Tetherby shook his head, "No, it wasn't the planes. It was Beauty killed the beast."

Rita sniffled, but then gasps as she hears him breathing, "Wait! He's still breathing!" She smiles, "He's not dead!"

Tetherby remarked, "No, but his career is. I remember when Al Jolson ran amok at the Winter Garden and climbed the Chrysler Building. After that, he couldn't get arrested in this town."

King Lynn groaned in pain and Rita told him, "Don't worry, Lynn. I'll take care of you."

Then, a spinning newspaper appear with two headlines: "Woman Weds Ape" and "Dick Cavett Born". Then another spinning newspaper appears and reads, "Woman Gives Birth to Ape".

17 years later, in a giant version of the Loud House, 11 giant apes that resembled the Loud Kid's were sitting in a living room where the hung and sat from a tree branch, watching a TV that was on a different branch.

On a different branch far in the distance, King Lynn and Rita lied on a nest they had made for themselves. Rita sighs, "Look at them, Lynn. Our mutant human-ape babies are so beautiful."

King Lynn grunts in agreement.

Just then, all the Loud apes began to roar and holler at the TV, causing a voice to call out, "Louds!" They look out the giant window and see Mr. Grouse, "Keep it down before I call the cops!" He screams and quickly closes the window, causing a giant brown ball to splash against said window, covering the entire side of his house.

King Lynn laughed smugly at this, while Rita frowned, "That's gross." She then hugs her ape husband, "But I still love you, Lynn."

King Lynn hugs her back, grunting happily. After that, the heart iris and cheesy music from the last story played, signifying the end of the scene.


	12. Dial Z For Zombies

**Welcome back, kiddies! Hope you're all excited for the month of Halloween! I know I am. So, in addition to some other stories I'm working on, I've got plenty to do this month on this story, as I plan to finish this part and then move on to Treehouse IV, with the last part coming out on Halloween night, at the latest.**

 **OK. Boring Author's Note out of the way. On to the fun stuff!**

Back at the party, the kids were all conversating when Rita walks in with a bowl full of fruit, "Now, kids, instead of candy, I thought I'd serve an array of healthy, fresh fruits!"

This, of course, made all the kids groan and complain, only for Lisa to add, "You know, fruit is considered natures candy."

This only made the group complain even louder, to which Lisa and Rita both frowned.

In a scary surprise, a man burst through the door. Only this man had his head dangling from his own neck, showing his bloody skin underneath! He groans, and everyone screamed at this. However, out of the outfit came the head of Albert, aka Pop Pop, who laughs, "Hey there, fellow Halloweenies!"

The Loud Kids shouted happily, "Pop Pop!"

Lincoln said, "Nice costume, Pop Pop!"

Albert laughed as he approached his grandson, "Thanks, buddy! Hope I didn't scare you all too bad."

Mr. Grouse was shown gripping his heart, gasping and groaning, spouting gibberish. Ignoring his pain, Lucy said, "Nice try, Pop Pop, but I've got a story so scary, you'll wet your pants."

After that line, Mr. Grouse announced, "Too late."

This, obviously, made the entire group back away from the elderly neighbor.

The story begins, and the scene changes to an exterior shot of Royal Woods Middle School, where the title "Dial "Z" for Zombies" is shown, with the "Z" and "Zombies" spelled out in blood.

In a class room, Lynn was shown at the front of her class, flipping through the pages of a pop-up book, "From A for Apple to Z to Zebra, _Baby's First Pop-up Book_ is 26 pages of alphabetic adventure!"

As she returns to her seat, her teacher asks, "Ms. Loud, you mean to tell me you read a book intended for _preschoolers_?"

Lynn sheepishly responds, "Well… most of it."

The teacher shook her head, "Nice try, young lady. You have to read another book, and this time, pick something appropriate for your age!"

Lynn frowned, "Dang it."

In the library, Lynn is shown at a table, looking at a book called "Find Waldo Once More". She reads the title out loud, "Find Waldo Once More!" She opens the book, only to see Waldo, standing in a grassy field, waving to the reader. She remarks, "Man, he's just not trying anymore." She looks over to something, "Huh. Never noticed _that_ before."

There was a section of the library with a giant stone arch for an entrance way, which had candles on skulls to light it, a gargoyle above a sign, and the sign reading "Occult Section".

Lynn picks up one of the candles and walks into the section, passing by the shelves, which were all labeled "666". She passes one book case that had rats, but they scattered once she and her light walked by. Behind her, a book floats off of a shelf and throws itself at the back of her head, "OW!" The book drops onto her head, so she takes it off her head, "What's this?"

The book read _The Book of Magick and Spells Vol. II_. She opens the book, and sees many ghostly faces popping out of the page, saving things like "Evil", "Bad", and "Beware" in a spooky voice over and over again.

Lynn smiled, "Cool!" She slammed the book close, which made the voices inside react in pain.

Back at the Loud House, Lucy was sitting in her room looking at a framed picture of Geo I. She says to herself, "Sigh."

Lynn was on her bed, reading the book, "Chapter 8: Let's Talk Zombies. If a zombie bites you, you become a zombie. You must walk the Earth feeding on the brains of the living until the spell is broken."

Lucy tells her big sister, "Lynn, while I love that you're brushing up on your Occult, could you keep it down?" She picks up the picture, "Don't you know today is the 10-year anniversary of when Geo I died? If only Leni had remembered to feed Cliff that day." She falls back onto her bed, holding the picture to her chest, "Sigh."

Lynn asked, "Why do you care? You weren't even alive when Geo I was."

Lucy explained, "Or Great Aunt Harriet. Doesn't lessen the pain."

Lynn walked over to Lucy and said, "Hey, maybe there's a spell in here that'll bring him back from the dead!"

Lucy takes the book from Lynn and says, "Let's see what we've got." She flips through the pages and reads aloud, "How To Get Your Skeletons Their Whitest. Selling Your Soul In A Buyer's Market." She finds a page and smiles, "Ah, here we are. How To Raise The Dead."

At the Royal Woods Cemetery, lightning and thunder occurs in the night sky above, and a sign points over to the Pet Cemetery. Lucy and Lynn were over by Geo I's grave, with Lucy wearing her fortune teller outfit as she says aloud, "Jinkins, Clasky, Supco, Kricfalusi." Nothing happens, so she reads on, "Murray, Bartlett, Schuaer, Hannan!"

However, instead of raising Geo I, the effects had made the people buried in the regular cemetery to arise from their graves as zombies! Groaning and moaning, the undead arise and walk upon the Earth once more!

Lynn shakes her head as Geo I still wasn't coming out, "Well, I guess it didn't work." She then hears the commotion over by the cemetery and turns to see the zombies. She gasps, "Lucy, you cast the wrong spell. Zombies!

Lucy closed the book and said, "Please, Lynn, they prefer to be called "the living impaired."

Over at Royal Woods Elementary, the school janitor, Norm, was finishing up some work in the small garden just outside of the school entrance. He pats down the dirt and says "There! Pretty as a picture!" However, zombie children suddenly rise out of the area Norm had just patted down. As they growl and walk away, he shouts, "AHH! ZOMBIES!" However, this didn't phase him for too long, as he fixed up the hole and said, "There! Pretty as a picture!"

Back to Lynn and Lucy, they are shown running for their lives form a horde of zombies. Lucy says, "I normally like zombies, but only the ones that don't want to eat me."

Luckily, they both arrived home just as the zombies turn their attention to the house of their next-door neighbor. One of the zombies bangs on the front door and Mr. Grouse answers, "What do you want!?" The zombies force their way inside, muttering "Brains" over and over. A female zombie walks by and he says, "Sue Dokes, is that you? I thought you were…" However, this was cut off by an exterior shot of Mr. Grouse's house as he screams bloody murder.

Lynn and Lucy rush up the stairs and cross paths with Lincoln. He waves, "Hey, Lynn, Lucy."

Lynn shouted, "NOTHING!"

Lucy added, "We didn't raise the dead."

Lincoln stood there in silence for a second before responding, "OoooooK."

Back at Royal Woods Elementary school, Principal Huggins announces over the intercom, "Attention, students! Liam, report to my office at once!" In his office, Principal Huggins had become a zombie himself! "And bring that juicy, chess club brain of yours." He licks his lips in anticipation.

Liam was standing outside the principals' office and said, "Well, I know I probably shouldn't, but…" He walks right inside and closes the door behind him.

On the set of AARGH, Hunter Spector was announcing, "Greetings, fellow ghost hunters! Look what you can win in the AARGH! Sweepstakes!" He opens the door to a haunted looking house, only to scream as a gang of zombies inside said house pull him in! A Technical Difficulties sign is shown, and when it changes back, Spector was now a zombie! "To enter, send me your parents' brains..." He shows a small white card with "Parents' Brains" written upon it, "Or write "Parents' Brains" on a three-by-five card and send it to…"

As Lincoln watched, Rita tells him, "Lincoln, stop watching and help us!"

His family was busy barricading the house so he stands up and says, "OK, Mom."

As Lori stacked furniture in front of the front door, she looks over to Lynn and Lucy, "Thanks a lot, Lynn and Lucy!"

Lucy smiled, "You're welcome."

Lori glared, "That was literally sarcasm!"

In the kitchen, Lincoln was about to board up the door, but then a whole mess of zombies busted through. Lincoln screamed, "AAAAHHH!" He rushes out, "ZOMBIES!"

The zombies enter the living room and Luan jokes, "Hey! You guys can't be in here! This is the _living_ room! Hahahahaha! But seriously, RUN!"

His family rushed up the stairs, only for Leni to stumble on the steps. Leni sees the zombies approaching her, "AAAHH!"

Lincoln looks back, "LENI!"

Before he could go to try and save her, she said, "Forget about me, Lincoln!" She tells the zombies, "Spare my family! Take _me_!"

The zombies go to eat Leni's brain, only to notice something odd. The fiddle with the top of her head and tap it, noticing a hollow sound to it. They shrug and march up the stairs, leaving her be, "Brains! Brains!"

Leni joins her family in Lisa and Lily's room, with Lynn frowning, "I thought dabbling in the black arts would be good for a chuckle. How wrong I was. I never should've read that book."

Lucy suggested, "Wait, Lynn. Maybe the library has another book that will reverse the spell."

Rita, who was holding Lily, added, "It's our only hope!"

Lisa opens a secret hole in the wall and pulls out a shotgun. She cocks it and says, "To the book depository!"

Lynn Sr. promptly takes the gun from her, "Lisa, give me that! You're too young to use this!"

Lisa frowns, "Dang it."

The Loud's cautiously make their way outside, Lynn Sr. pointing the gun about just in case. As they make it to Vanzilla, the zombies draw near, with Mr. Grouse approaching Lynn Sr.

"Hey, Loud!" He was now a zombie, "I'm feeling a mite peckish. Mind if I chew your ear?"

Lynn Sr. shouts and hits Zombie Grouse with the butt of the shotgun, sending Mr. Grouse to the ground. After that, the Loud's peel out, hitting a few zombies along the way.

In outer space, a familiar space craft is shown hovering just over Earth. Inside, Zim looked down upon the blue planet and said, "The zombies have the Earthlings on the run. Soon, the human race will _wither_ and FALL... like the earth plums we have seen on the _OBSERVE-A-SCOPE_!" As usual, he laughs maniacally while Gir laughs genially.

At Royal Woods Middle, the Loud's make their way inside as a horde of zombies, all of whom were the friends and citizens they knew too well.

Lynn Sr. frowned and said, "Well, I hate to do this!" He starts firing away at zombies, blowing their heads clean off!

They come across what appeared to be Chaz chewing on a human arm!

They all scream and Leni shouts, "OMGosh! THEY GOT CHAZ!"

Chaz takes the arm out of his mouth and says, "Oh, I'm not a zombie! But hey, when in Rome!"

They turn a corner and shout, "AAAAH!"

There stood Lucy's friends in the Young Mortician's Club, but Lucy assure, "Relax, guys. It's just my friends."

Haiku waves, "Hi, Lucy."

Lincoln asked, "How are you guys still living?"

Haiku explained, "Thanks to our pale skin, the zombie's mistake us for one of their own." She points into the ground and shows Maggie, "That's why we have this emo girl with us."

Maggie looks at the zombies walking about and goes, "Zombies walking about. I can't think of a better metaphor for conformism."

Lucy says, "Riiiiiiiight." She tells them, "Well, we gotta go."

In the library, the Loud's enter the Occult section and start searching for the book. Lincoln pulls out the book, "Found it!"

Just then, the zombies beat at the door of the library and break the small glass windows upon them.

Lincoln hands the book to Lucy, "Hurry!"

Lucy begins to read, "Hartman, Vasquez, Burnett, Davis!"

Surprisingly, all that spell did was turn Lincoln into a human-sized rabbit! Everyone gasped and Lincoln asked, "What's wrong?"

Everyone was stammering before Rita lied, "We're all just surprised at what a handsome young man you're becoming, sweetheart!"

Lincoln smiled, and without opening his mouth, said, "Aaaaaw."

Lucy read on, "Hillenburg, DiMartino, Konietzko, Greenblat!"

Finally, the book began to float on its own, making Lincoln change back to normal and the book emitting green rings! The rings pass over the zombies, and into the night sky, where it spread over the town. Thus, the zombies made their way back to the cemetery and into their graves.

As a cowboy zombie gets into a grave with a tombstone that said "John Smith, 1882", a pilgrim zombie says, "Excuse me. _I'm_ John Smith."

"John Smith, 1882?"

"My mistake."

As the pilgrim leaves, the cowboy pushes the giant mound of dirt on top of himself, patting it down before pulling his arm back in."

Back at the house, the Loud's were in the living room, half watching TV and the other half on their phones. Rita says, "I'm so glad that's all over with! And I'm glad we didn't turn into mindless zombies."

Lincoln shushes his mother and says in a monotone voice, "TV."

Something happens on TV and Lynn Sr. says, "Man fall down. Funny."

As they stay silent, Lori says, "Bobby send video. Share."

The ones on their phones watch something and Leni says, "Kitty cat fit in slipper. Cute."

They all give a monotone grunt at the same time.


	13. IV: The Devil and Howard McBride

**Hello, boys and ghouls! As you can all tell, I've gotten rid of the commercial chapters, as no one was really reading/reviewing them and they were kind of just bloating the chapter count. To my readers who have reviewed these chapters already, I do apologize, but my anonymous reviews are open, so you can still put those in. So, with that said, enjoy the beginning of Loud House of Horror IV!**

* * *

The scenes opens on a dark and stormy night, where the title "Loud House Halloween Special IV", completely written in blood and the "IV" written in green blood, comes flying towards the viewer. The scene closes in on the Royal Woods Cemetery, where it bypasses a number of headstones, with the following names: Tupac Shakur (Accept It), Net Neutrality, Subtle Political Satire, TV Violence, the last one getting hit with dozens of bullets, and the bullet holes oozing blood.

In the Loud House, the Loud children burst through the floor, looking like zombies. They moan and groan as they take their respective places on the couch. As the scene shows the title of the show, Zombie Lily slowly toddles by and says, "Bwains…"

In a dark hallway, Lincoln is shown in his persuasion suit and walking past a series of famous paintings, with his family members in place of them: Rita's shadow on a wall in the style of de Chirico, Lori in van Gogh's self-portrait, Dali's "Persistence of Memory" with Lily's melted face, sucking on her pacifier and many other melting pacifiers nearby, Picasso's "The Three Musicians" with Luna, Chunk, and Sam playing their own guitars, Escher's "Ascending and Descending" with Lana being chased by Lola in her Princess Car, and Lisa in a version of "The Scream".

Lincoln tells the viewer, "Paintings: lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to heck, so scary and horrible and gruesome that…"

Rita walks in, holding Lily, and says, "Lincoln! You should warn people this chapter is very frightening. And maybe they'd rather read the new chapters of Mr. Animator's "The Sponge House," hmm?"

Lincoln rolls his eyes, "Yes, mother."

"Good." She hands Lily to Lincoln, "Now you hold Lily. I'm going to buy some earrings at the gift shop."

Lincoln sighs and walks over to a painting of what appears to be the devil surrounded by a sea of flames, "The subject of our first painting tonight is the most foul, evil, vicious, diabolical beast to stalk the earth. Of course, I refer to…" Before he could finish, Lily pulled out her pacifier and stuffed it into Lincoln's mouth, which made the white hair Loud mutter his last words.

Lily says, "Poo poo!"

She laughs as Lincoln spits out the pacifier and finishes, "The Devil!"

As he walks away, the painting is shown more, and with a flash of lightning, the title appears: The Devil and Howard McBride!

At what appeared to be an auditorium, there was a judge's table where Howard McBride sat, "Let's give a big hand for our next contestant, Mr. Raspberry Cream!"

A giant donut walks onto the stage, sporting muscular arms and legs, much like a Mr. Olympia contestant. As he poses and flexes his massive arms, the audience and judges applaud him.

Howard says to himself, "He may be a donut, but he's a regular beefcake."

The scene dissolves to Howard with his eyes closed, showing that he was merely daydreaming. As opens his eyes, sees what appeared to be a box of donuts right in front of him, and rubs his hands together, "And now to make the leap from dreams to reality!" He opens the box and gasps. The box was empty!

Harold shows up and says, "Sorry, Howard. While you were daydreaming, I threw the donuts out the window!"

Outside, a bunch of animals and Lana, who was on all fours, were eating the ground donuts. Lana hums, mouth full of donuts, "Mmm. Donuts."

Howard yelled, "Are you mad, man?!"

"Sorry, Howard. I'm cutting you off, little mister! As of this moment, no more donuts in this house!" He guilts, "How do you think Clyde would feel if his father died too soon from eating donuts all the time?"

"Oh, you're one to talk, fatso!" Howard runs off, crying.

Harold yelled back, "I have a glandular problem, and you know it!" Harold turns to Clyde, "Sorry you had to see that, sweetie."

Clyde asks, looking somewhat upset, "Are… are you and daddy gonna divorce?"

In the bathroom of the house, Howard opens up the back part of the toilet and pulls out a lead lockbox, "Desperate times call for desperate measures!" He opens the box, only to find a note inside. He picks it up and reads it, "Dear Howard, I threw this one out, too. Love, Hare-Bear." He angrily crumples up the note, "Dang it!" He tosses it across the bathroom, "He's always one step ahead of me!" Howard sit on the toilet, his elbows on his knees, resting his head on his hands, "Oooooh. I'd sell my soul for a donut!"

Suddenly, a huge wall of flames appears before Howard, and there stood Jancey Yates, wearing a saucy little devil costume, which consisted of a short red dress, red thigh highs, and red horns. She was also holding a huge pitchfork. She chuckles, "Well, that can be arranged."

Howard gasps, "Jancey Yates? _You're_ the devil?!"

She chuckles once more, "It's always the one you least suspect. Now, many people offer to sell their souls without reflecting upon the grave ramifications…"

Howard interrupts, "Look, sister, do you have a donut or not?"

Jancey reaches into her dress, "Coming right up!" She pulls out a contract and unravels it, "Just sign here!" She reaches back in and pulls out a pen, "Careful! Hot pen." She clicks the pen, and it catches on fire.

Outside the bathroom, Clyde knocks on the door and asks, "Dad? Are you OK?"

Howard answers, "Not now, son! Daddy's making a deal with the devil!"

Clyde walks away, asking, "Is _that_ what he calls it?"

After Howard signs, a demonic creature appears, wearing a "Hell's Kitchen" apron and holding a silver platter with a lid on it. The creature removes the lid, revealing a glowing donut. Howard gazes upon it and begins to scarf it down.

Jancey explains, "Now remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for…"

His mouth full of donut, Howard holds onto one small piece and asks, "Hey wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you?"

Jancey frowns, "Uh, technically no, but…"

Howard starts to taunt, "I'm smarter than the devil!" Jancey obviously didn't like this, as she glares at him, "I'm smarter than the devil!"

Suddenly, Jancey is surrounded by a giant wall of flames and transforms into a hulking version of the devil, speaking in a deep, booming voice "YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME!" Howard was obviously fearful of this new form, "I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, HOWARD MCBRIDE!"

As the devil disappears, Howard places the last bite in his shirt pocket, "Not likely." He laughs confidently.

At night, Howard shuffles into the kitchen and opens the fridge. He looks over the contents inside and spots his last bite of donut, which was on a plate and had many notes on it: "Stop!" "Don't Eat!" "Don't Touch!" "Daddy's Soul Donut!" "Keep Away!"

Obviously, he ignores the warnings and grabs it, "Mmmm. Forbidden donut."

He tosses the bite into his mouth and swallows, which made Jancey Yates appear behind him, "Well, well, finishing something?"

Howard screams in terror. Jancey conjures a hole of fire in the kitchen floor and Howard is dragged towards it, but he hangs onto the fridge door handle to avoid being sucked in. Harold enters the room and gasps at the sight, holding onto the fridge to avoid being sucked in

"Howard, did you eat that donut?"

Howard meekly lied, "No."

Harold glares and throws himself into the hole, getting stuck in it. He laughs, "Ha ha! Take _that_ , Beelzebub!"

Jancey fumes, "Oh, your husband's wide behind won't save you this time!" Lincoln and Clyde walk into the kitchen, and Jancey waves to the middle Loud, "Hi, Lincoln!"

Lincoln waves back, "Hi, Mrs. Yates."

Clyde begs, "Wait! Doesn't my father have the right to a fair trial?"

Jancey groans, "Oh, you Americans with your "due process" and "fair trials." This is always so much easier in Mexico. Very well, we'll have the trial tomorrow at the stroke of midnight. Until then," She points at Howard, "You're going to spend the day in Hell!"

She turns her pitchfork into a plunger and puts it on top of Harold's bald head. After a few plunges, he pops right out and the hole sucks Howard right it! Jancey jumps right in and the hole disappears.

Harold looks on and sadly asks, "Howie?"

Howard falls through a huge cavern, screaming all the way into Hell. He lands on a conveyor belt.

Howard, lying on his back, sighs in relief, "Well, that wasn't so bad." Almost ironically, a large demon takes a knife and starts chopping him up, Howard yelling in pain the entire time. The demon uses the knife to pick up his mouth, nose, and feet, and place them in a bin labeled "Chicken Nugget Meat".

We see a door that says "Ironic Punishments Department", where a giant, blue demon has Howard strapped to a chair, and some device around his nose, going over his head. In front of him was a plethora of donuts.

The demon asks, "So, you like donuts, eh?"

Howard answers, "Uh-huh."

"Well, then," One of the stacks of donuts leans forward towards Howard, showing they were stacked on some sort of pole, "Have all the donuts in the world!"

The demon laughs and the machine pushes the donuts forward, and the other machine forcing Howard's mouth open. He's force-fed donuts, four at a time.

Sometime later, Howard was now extremely fat, still scarfing down donuts, currently on the second to last stack. Once that was finished, he says, "More."

As Howard munches on the final stack, the demon says to himself, "I don't understand it. Ralphie May went mad in 15 minutes!"

Back at the McBride's house, Harold was pacing back and forth, with Clyde sitting on the couch. Clyde looks at his phone, which turns from 11:59 PM to Midnight.

In that moment, Harold stopped pacing as a cage of fire appears where Cleopawtra and Nepurrtiti were, causing the cats to screech and run off. Following it was Howard's body, sans his head, inside the cage. His head then appeared on the floor, which he promptly picks up and places onto his body.

Harold rushes over and asks, "Howie! Are you OK?"

Howard whines, "No."

Flip shows up, dressed in a suit and combing his hair with a fork, for some reason, "Eh, don't worry, chief! I watched Law and Order: SVU in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it."

Howard asks, "You got _this_ guy to defend me?!"

Harold explained, "He's the only one that didn't call me crazy or laugh at me after I said we were facing the devil in court."

A fiery pentagram appears in the room, and from it came Jancey Yates and the Judge's bench, with the Grim Reaper sitting in it. He bangs his gavel, "Hear ye, hear ye. The Court of Infernal Affairs is now in session."

Flip walks up to Jancey, "Very well, but first some ground rules. Number one, we get bathroom breaks every half-hour."

Jancey nods, "Agreed. Number two, the jury will be chosen by me."

"Agreed!" Flip realizes his mistake and says, "Hey, wait a minute…"

"Silence!" Jancey waves her hand, "I give you the Jury of Evil Nicktoons!" As she calls them out, famous Nicktoon baddies begin to appear, "Rodger Klotz, Angelica C. Pickles, Donald Trump…"

Trump protests, "But I'm not Nicktoon!"

Jancey glares, "Hey! I did a favor for _you_."

Trump frowns, "Yes, master."

Jancey continues, "The Flying Dutchman, Denzel Crocker, Vicky the Babysitter, Professor Calamitous, Vexus, Vlad Plasmius, Fire Princess Azula, and last, but certainly not least…" Plankton appears on the shoulder of Azula, "Sheldon J. Plankton!"

The McBride's all gasp at this.

After that, everyone started to take their seats, with some of them having to share a chair, given the limited seating in the McBride house. Clyde brings out an old highchair for Angelica, "Sorry, Ms. Pickles. We're short on chairs, and this is the last one."

Harold puts Angelica in the high chair and she whines, "Oh! I _always_ gotta sit in the high chair!"

The proceedings begin, with Jancey clearing her throat and showing her contract to the jury, "I hold here a contract between myself and one Howard McBride, pledging me his soul for a donut, which I delivered!" She says in a more cheerful tone, "And it was scrump-diddly-umptious!" She returns to her serious tone, "I simply ask for what is mine!"

After this, the jury begins to chatter amongst themselves.

Flip stands up and says, "Mr. McBride, you did sign that contract," He looks to the jury, "But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster's defines it as "an agreement under the law which is unbreakable."" He repeats with emphasis, "Which is unbreakable!"

The jury is deathly silent, obviously giving Flip a look of "really?" right at him.

With that said, Flip tells them, "Excuse me, I must use the restroom."

After he leaves, a lot of time passes, so Harold goes to the bathroom, "Flip? Are you OK in there?" He opens the door, and sees that the bathroom window was open, meaning that Flip had escaped out of it. Harold frowns, "Dang it."

Back in the living room, the Grim Reaper bangs his gavel and says, "Howard McBride," Howard was cowering in the cage, with Clyde looking on in fear, and Jancey grinning evil at him, "I have no choice but to sentence you to an eternity of…"

"Wait!" Harold returns and is holding a book, "Before you send him to Hell, there's something you should see." The jury looks into the book, which was actually a photo album. Harold explains, "That's a picture of Howard and I at our wedding."

The picture shows Howard on a hospital bed, dressed in a tuxedo, and Harold, a doctor, and a priest beside him.

Trump asks, "Wait, wait, you got married in an emergency room?"

Harold sheepishly answered, "Well, Howard ate the entire wedding cake by himself… before the wedding." This made the jury laugh uproariously, until Harold glared and yelled, "Read the back! The back!"

The Flying Dutchman looks at the back of the picture and says, "Arr, 'tis some kind of treasure map!"

Professor Calamitous snatches the picture, "You idiot, you can't read!"

The Flying Dutchman frowns, "Aye, 'tis true. My debauchery was my way of compensating."

Calamitous reads aloud, "Dear Harold: you have given me your hand in marriage. All I can give you in return is my... soul, which I pledge to you forever."

With this new information, the jury chatters once more, leaving the McBride's to await their answer.

Azula speaks aloud, "We've heard enough. Your Honor, we find that Howard McBride's soul is legally the property of Harold McBride and not of the devil."

With that, Jancey sighs sadly, while the McBride's cheer. The Judge bangs the gavel once more, making himself, the jury, and even the fire cage, disappear.

Harold and Clyde rush over to hug Howard, with Clyde saying, "Dad, we won!"

Howard tears up, "I love you, Hare-Bear!"

Harold hugs him tightly, "And I love you, Howie."

The family breaks up the hug and Jancey concedes, "Alright, McBride, you get your soul back," She grins ear to ear, " _For now_ ," This made both Harold and Howard gulp, "But let that ill-gotten donut be forever on your head!"

She points at Howard, a stream of lightning hitting his head, causing Howard to scream!

The next day, the McBride's are eating breakfast, with Howard now having a donut head with a small portion missing. He picks at the portion and starts eating a piece of himself.

Harold scolds, "Howard, stop picking at it!"

Howard whines, "Oh, but I'm so sweet and tasty!" He looks at his watch, "Oh, well, gotta go to work!"

Before he could stand up, Clyde told his father, "Dad, I wouldn't go outside if I were you."

Outside of the McBride house, there were a dozen cops, holding coffee mugs and standing around their cop cars. Officer Schoffner tells the men, "Don't worry boys, he's gotta come out of there sometime."

* * *

 **Thank you to Mademoiselle-Star2018 (formally known as Starco-Ladynoir) for the idea to use Jancey Yates as the devil, after I couldn't decide between Lynn Sr, Leni, or Bobby, and to Mitchell Movie Productions for the net neutrality joke!**

 **I'm going to regret having that joke and Donald Trump in this chapter, aren't I?**

 **Also, a hearty thank you to my inspiration, Mr. Animator, who gave me permission to put his name and story in place of the War of the Worlds joke. Be sure to check out his recent chapters for The Sponge House, and be on the lookout for his Loud, Loudd, and Louder chapter for Ed, Edd, n Eddy's Boo Haw Haw special!**

 **BTW, for those who've read the chapter before and are re-reading, I decided to change Chris Farley to Ralphie May, who died last year. Very funny guy, and I figured it'd fit the James Coco line better. RIP, Ralphie.**


	14. Terror at 5 and a Half Feet

**To Omni Spector: Jancey Yates is a character from the show. Just watch Future Tense, and you'll see.**

 **To OMAC001: Thank you for pointing that out! Though, for the future, I'd prefer all comments regarding any typos I missed to be in a PM rather than in the reviews. I just prefer it that way.**

* * *

Back in the gallery, Lincoln walks by more paintings, "The next exhibit in out ghoulish gallery is entitled..." He stops in front of one and waves his hand to it, only to show a painting of a school bus, ""The School Bus?" Oh, oh, they must mean "The Ghoul Bus"."

Lisa shows up and points out, "Nope, says right there: "School Bus"."

Lincoln jokes, "Well, there's nothing scarier than going to school!" He laughs at this, but seeing Lisa unphased makes him groan. The two of them leave and the scene zooms in on the painting. The next title appears over it: Terror at 5 ½ Feet.

The scene changes to the school bus driving down a street, presumably on the way to school.

In one seat, Clyde tells Lincoln, "Hey Lincoln, look. ARRGH! trading cards. The long-awaited eighth series."

Clyde opens the pack and Lincoln reads the cards, "Hunter Spector visits relatives in Annapolis, Maryland." It shows an uninterested Spector, with a cigarette in his mouth, with two plain looking relatives in front of him, "Hunter Spector poses for trading card photo."

Clyde gives an unimpressed groan, "Hmm… he seems to be running low on ideas."

"Well, at least you got the gum."

Clyde bites into the gum, and it shatters like glass. Clyde yells, "Ow!" He grabs his cheek, "It cut my cheek!"

Suddenly, one of the back wheels comes off the bus and it loses control. The kids and driver fear for their lives as they swerve around the road. It steers right into the path of an oncoming semi-truck. Lincoln screams, and as the bus hits the semi, the crashing sound had turned Lincoln into a skeleton!

He wakes up, screaming, and feels his damp blankets, "I hope this is sweat."

In the kitchen, Lincoln joins his sisters for breakfast. Leni says, "Morning, Lincoln!" She seems the blank expression on his face and asks, "What's wrong?"

Lincoln answered in a monotone voice, "I just had a vision of my own horrible fiery death."

Lucy said, "Lucky."

Rita walks in and asks, "You had a nightmare, sweetie?"

Lincoln sits down, "Yes."

Rita leans in and asks quietly, "Did you wet your bed?"

Lincoln hesitated and answered, "Maybe."

Rita placed a bowl of cereal in front of him, "Don't worry, honey. The scary part's over."

Just as she said that, Lincoln goes to take a bite of cereal, only to hear a loud airhorn. He throws the spoon in the air, screaming, "AAH!"

Lynn Sr. was shown wearing a bright orange vest and holding an airhorn, "Hey, gang! I was digging through the garage and found all our old emergency gear!"

He blows the airhorn again, making Lincoln scream and fall back in his chair.

Outside, it is pouring rain as Lincoln and his younger sisters are getting on the bus, where they see Bobby. Lincoln asks, "Bobby? What are you doing driving our bus?"

Bobby explained, "Hey, Lincoln! Your school hired me to drive you guys in the morning." He chuckles, "Plus, it gets me out of first period!"

Lincoln sees his principal in the seat behind Bobby. Principal Huggins says, "Morning, Loud. I'm going to be taking the bus with you kids today, since… well, my cart is in the shop."

Lincoln asked, "You don't have a car?"

Huggins glared, "That's none of your business, young man."

Lincoln gulps, "Oh, man." He tells Lola, "Being on the bus is making me nervous."

"Don't worry, Lincoln. I've got this." She yells at everybody, "LISTEN UP! My big brother is having a rough morning, so you all better be extra-nice to him!" She balls up her fist, "OR ELSE!" She flashes her famous smile and twitches her eye.

The kids all nervously agree to this.

Later on, Lincoln is sitting with his friend Clyde. Lincoln was by the window, looking as nervous as he did when he awoke from his nightmare. He looks out the window and on the side of the bus, sees something strange. A lizard-like creature with a face like Lynn and three long hairs upon his head. The creature had sharp claws and fangs, which made the white-haired boy stare at it.

The creature latches on the bus and sees Lincoln, flashing a sinister smile and hissing a forked tongue at him. He scratches his claws on the side of the bus, making large scraps in the side!

Lincoln grabs his friend, who was asleep, and shakes him, "Clyde, Clyde, wake up!" He wakes up and Lincoln says, "Quick! Look out the window!"

Clyde shakes his head, "No way, Lincoln! If I lean over, I leave myself open to wedgies, wet willies, or even the dreaded rear-admiral!"

Lincoln hops out of his seat and rushes to the front to tell Bobby, "Bobby, you gotta do something! There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!"

Bobby looks out the window and sees a '74 AMC Gremlin passing the bus. Bobby smiles, "Hey, you're right! It _is_ a Gremlin!" He rustles the middle Loud's hair, "Good eye, little dude!"

Later, Lincoln looks out the window once more, and sees the gremlin in the back, proceeding to pull one of the side-lights out, and tossing it into the street. It then proceeds to pull the wires and other parts out of the hole where the light once was!

Lincoln yells, "Aah! Everybody, there's a monster on the side of the bus!"

Hearing this, everybody rushes over to his side and they all look out the window, but see nothing!

Chandler said, "Hey! There's no monster!"

Ronnie Anne glared, "Very funny, lame-o!"

Bobby says, "I don't see anything!"

Clyde asks, "Hey! Who's driving the bus?"

Bobby realizes his mistakes, "Ooh!" He rushes back to the front, " _Una momento, por favor_!"

As the bus keeps on, the scene changes to Zim and Gir watching the bus through a TV screen.

"FOOLISH EARTHLINGS! Frightened of a creature that does not _EXIST_!"

He and Gir do their usual laugh bit, but then stop as they see a similar gremlin just outside of the ship, tearing it apart bit by bit!

Back on the bus, Lincoln looks out the window and sees the gremlin pointing at him. The gremlin takes his finger and makes a "cutthroat" motion before retreating under the bus.

Principal Huggins approaches Lincoln and says, "Now I've gotten word that a child is being disruptive, and I've come to put a stop to it."

Lincoln shook his head, "No, no, it's true! There's a monster on the bus!"

"The only monster on this bus is a lack of proper respect for the rules." Huggins reaches over and pulls down the shade for the window so Lincoln won't look out of it.

This, however, doesn't subside Lincoln's nervous feelings. Some time later, he goes to pull the shade back up, hesitating at first, but finally does it. There, he is greeted by a flash of lighting and the face of Norm, the janitor!

"AAAHH!"

Norm gets on the bus and says, "Thanks for picking me up! My car got stuck in the mud and I had to have it towed."

Lincoln eventually starts to go crazy and asks Clyde, "You believe me, don't you? You're my friend who believes me: sweet, trustworthy Clyde."

As Lincoln stares at his friend, Clyde responds, "Actually, Lincoln, you're kinda creeping me out." Clyde slowly inches away in the seat, which made Lincoln frown, "Uh, I think I'm gonna go sit... uh, with that foreign exchange student!" He points to a fat kid in a pair of lederhosen, which obviously meant he was German.

Clyde sits down with him, and the foreigner, who was eating some sort of purple stick candy, says, "Ah, guten tag! Would you care for a bite of my Vengelerstrasse bar?" He pulls out what seems to be a colorful back of another kind of candy, "I also have a bag of marzipan JoyJoys." The bag says "JoyJoy Mit Iodine!".

Back to Lincoln, he notices the bus hump underneath his seat is being hit, causing huge dents in it. His nerves getting the better of him, he looks out the window and sees the gremlin once more. The gremlin proceeded to take apart the wheel, pulled out one screw at a time, looking at Lincoln to obviously intimidate the boy. He takes off one screw and sniffs at it, and then grumbles as he tosses it away.

"The gremlin's taking off the wheel." He stands up in his seat and yells, "Stop the bus or we're all gonna die!"

In that moment, Principal Huggins grabs Lincoln, the white-haired Loud screaming and thrashing about to escape his grip. Huggins orders, "Does anyone have some rope?!"

Ronnie Anne pulled out the drawstring from her hoodie and asked, "Will this do?"

Huggins grabs it and says, "Perfect!"

Moments later, Lincoln's hands were tied to the railings under the seat, but he had enough slack to sit upright. He was also sitting with the German boy.

Said boy was now licking a blue and green striped stick and offers Lincoln some, "Would you like another lick of my flavor wax?"

Lincoln gives a hesitant smile and says, "Uh… sure!" He licks the stick, only to shudder afterward. He asks, "Well, now that we're friends, Gunter," He looks to his restraints, "Think you could undo this drawstring for me?"

Gunter nods, "Ja, das ist gut!" He pops the stick into his mouth and undoes the drawstring, and leaves Lincoln.

Lincoln rubs his wrists, obviously from the small burns from the drawstring. He looks out the window again to see the gremlin is still removing nuts from the wheel. He looks below his seat and sees a box of flares. He promptly lights one and pulls the emergency release on the window. This cause him to almost be pulled out of the bus, and causing the winds to suck everyone else towards the window, or would have, it they all hadn't a firm grip onto something.

He waves the flare at the gremlin in an attempt to get it away from the bus, but is stopped short as Huggins and Norm try to pull him back in by his legs.

Huggins orders, "Pull, Norm! Pull!"

"I'm pulling as hard as I can, you noodle-armed ninny!"

Eventually, Lincoln is pulled back in, but not before tossing the flare right at the gremlin, hitting the creature! It caught fire and was sent flying off of the bus!

However, he skipped along the street for some time before hitting the windshield of the Yates family. Bumper Sr. slammed on the brakes and the family rush over to the injured creature.

Bumper Sr. said, "Good gravy! What kind of hideous creature is _this_?"

Bumper Jr. said, "I think it's some kind of gremlin!"

Bumper Sr. unties his sweater from his shoulders and wraps the gremlin in it. He cradles it like a baby, "There, there, little fella. It's all gonna be okay."

The gremlin swipes at him, and Jancey giggles, "Oh, isn't that cute? He's trying to claw your eyes out, dear!"

Beatrix cheerfully asked, "Can we keep him, daddy? Can we?"

The gremlin whimpered, looking quite sad, and possibly lonely.

At Royal Woods Elementary, everyone sees the side of the bus in shambles! As they looked on, the bus then fell apart, making principal Huggins say, "Good gravy!"

Just then, Lincoln was shown being carted away on a stretcher, wearing a straight jacket. His eyes had bags and his hair was a mess, adding to his insane appearance. He rambles, "Look at the bus! I was right, I tell you! I was right!"

Huggins explains, "Right or wrong, young man, you're clearly not in your right mind."

Lincoln's eye twitches and his head jerks about in crazy ways, "What makes you say that, Princey!?"

Principal Huggins shakes his head, "I'm sorry, Lincoln, but we have no choice but to put you in the madhouse until you're sane again."

Lincoln is put into the back of an ambulance. The orderlies close the door, which read "Royal Woods Mental Health Institute".

As the ambulance sped away, Lisa shook her head, "I knew he would snap one day." She bluntly added, "Course, I always thought he'd snap at his own family."

Lana asked, "Like the other times he's snapped at us?"

"Touché."

In the back of the ambulance, Lincoln sighs, "Ah. At least now I can get some rest."

Suddenly, the gremlin appeared outside the window of the ambulance! He taps on the window and pulls up the decapitated head of Bumper Yates Sr.! The head says, "A good day to you, Lincoln Loud!"

Lincoln screams one last time, before the scene fades to black, leaving his ultimate fate unknown.

* * *

 **A big thank you to my readers for getting this story to over 10K views! You guys are the reason I keep on writing this story, and I look forward to writing some more in the future! With how things are going, I might have part IV done by Sunday, and with any luck, have V done by Halloween night! BTW, next Wednesday, I will in Orlando for Halloween Horror Nights, so the writing flow will be a little dead for about a week. So, do look forward to all of this before and after my vacation, and as always, thank you for reading!**


	15. Lincoln Loud's Dracula

**To Omni Spector: Let's answer your question with another question. Why don't you get your own account so I can reply to you personally? Also, I was thinking of using Chunk since he and Willie are both European (Willie is Scottish while Chunk is British), but I may just end up using Norm, since he's a janitor like Willie.**

* * *

Back in the gallery, Lincoln walks past a view more paintings, one of with showed Magritte's self-portrait, "The Son of Man", with Lincoln's face behind the apple.

"We come now to the final and most terrifying painting of the evening. To even gaze upon it is to go mad."

The scene pans over to Leni looking at "Dogs Playing Poker", which makes her scream, "Aah! They're dogs... and they're playing poker!" She screams and begins to laugh hysterically, running away as she alternates between the two.

Lincoln tells the viewer, "We had a story to go with this painting, but it was far too intense. So, we just threw something together with vampires. Enjoy!"

He walks away, and flash of lightning shows the final chapter over "Dogs Playing Poker": "Lincoln Loud's Dracula", written in the style of the 1992 film, "Bram Stoker's Dracula".

At the Loud House, the family were watching the news and hears, "This is Katherine Mulligan with breaking news! Another local peasant has been found dead. Drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene." There was a picture showing the cape, which had "Dracula" written on the back, "Police are baffled."

Officer Schoffner was being interviewed and says, "We think we're dealing with a supernatural being, most likely a mummy. As a precaution I've ordered the Egyptian wing of the Royal Woods museum destroyed."

The police are shown wrecking the Egyptian wing and burning priceless artifacts. One officer throws the Mona Lisa on the fire and Schoffner says, "Nice work, Eddie."

Lucy jumps out of her seat and says, "No, no. They're wrong." She tells her family, "The creature they seek is the walking undead: Nosferatu, Das Wampyr." Her family seems confused so she adds, throwing her arms in the air as if she was saying it dramatically, "A vampire."

Her family scoffs at this and Lynn Sr. tells her, "Oh, Lucy, sweetie, vampires are just make-believe!"

Lynn added, "Yeah! They're not real. Like Elves, Gremlins, and Eskimos."

Lisa puts up her index finger to explain, "Lynn, Eskimo…" Her mother slowly pushed the genius's hand down and shakes her, as if telling her "it's not worth it".

Katherine Mulligan adds, "In a completely unrelated story, local businessman and owner of the Aloha Comrade restaurant, Sergei Alucard … following his inheritance of his family fortune and castle in Transylvania… has just closed a deal to buy the Royal Woods blood bank."

Sergei is being interviewed and he seems to have what appeared to be blood coming out of his mouth, and running down his cheek, "Oh, I'm very excited about this deal." He notices the blood and uses his index finger to swipe it up. He then licks the blood from his finger and says, "Mmm… precious blood."

Lynn Sr. gasped, "Oh, no! Does this mean I'm going to get laid off?"

The scene changes to the family driving along a twisty mountain road in the middle of the night. Lynn Sr. says, "It sure was nice of Sergei to invite us for midnight dinner in his country house in..." He says in a creepy voice, "Pennsylvania!"

An ominous lightning flash changes the scene to show a sign reading "Welcome to Pennsylvania". The "Pennsylvania" was in the same color as the sign, but was styled to look like it was oozing like blood.

As they drive pass the sign, Lucy says, "There's something fishy about this whole set-up."

Rita scolded, "Lucy, stop been so suspicious." She turns to ask her children, "Now did everyone wash their necks like Sergei asked?"

Everyone except Lana answered, "Yes."

Lana pulled out a dirty rag, "Sure did!"

The family approach the castle, as a transparent Sergei appears in the sky, menacingly staring down upon them.

At the front door, Lynn Sr. rings the bell on the intercom and Sergei answers, "Welcome. Come in." He continues, "Ah, fresh victims for my ever-growing army of the undead." He laughs evily before noticing, "Oop! I'm still holding the button."

The large door opens and the Loud family walk inside, look around at the dark, Gothic architecture of the hall inside. In a puff of red smoke, Sergei appeared, and was dressed just like Gary Oldman's interpretation of Count Dracula, making the Loud's stare at him uncomfortably.

His vampiric shadow creeps along the wall, but Sergei walks from the opposite direction, so it returns as his own shadow. Sergei introduces, "Well, if it isn't my good friends, the Loud's. If you will follow me." Sergei walks away, but his shadow stays and plays with a yo-yo for a second before returning to its host.

Lucy asks, "Do you any of you notice anything strange?"

Lynn narrowed her eyes, "Hey, yeah. His hairdo looks queer."

Sergei turned around and shouted, "I heard that!"

Lynn points to Lincoln, "It was him!"

Lincoln frowned at his sister for passing the buck onto him.

In the dining hall, the family were treated to a feast and glasses of what appeared to be fruit punch. Sergei lifts his glass, "A toast to life!"

The Loud's lift their own glasses, "To life!"

Lily lifts her sippy cup and says, "Poo poo!"

As they drink, some spit out the drink while others make a face after drinking it.

Lincoln gags, "Yuck! This punch tastes sour!"

Lori smacks her lips, "Yeah! It tastes like iron!"

Lucy sniffs the drink and says, "You guys. I think this is…" She says dramatically, but keeps her monotone voice, "Blood!"

Sergei laughs at this, "Oh, good one, little Loud! Such an imagination on this one, yes?"

Lucy turns her head back and forth, and while no one was looking, she spills blood on herself, "Whoops." She stands up, "Lincoln and I have to go wash up."

Lincoln protested, "But I didn't get any on…" Lucy splashs some blood onto his shirt, "EW!"

The two siblings walk down a creepy hallway as Lincoln wipes blood from his shirt, "Lucy, Sergei is not a vampire. And even if he was, we're not going to stubble on his secret hiding place." Lincoln places his arm on a low hanging candle sconce, which pulls down slightly and a rumbling sound is heard.

As the wall moves, Lucy says, "Gasp!" However, the wall only revealed a laundry room. She says, "Sigh. I guess you're right. Let's go back to…" She turns around and says, Gasp!" She sees a red neon sign that read "TO SECRET VAMPIRE ROOM," and underneath was another sign that flashed in green neon, "NO GARLIC".

They walk down the stairs and find a room full of coffins. Lucy asks, "Satisfied?"

Lincoln nervously says, "Um… b-big deal! It's no different than the basement of the Funeral Home or Pop Pop's retirement home."

Lucy points over to a book stand, "Look." She and Lincoln walk over to it and once more says, "Gasp!" She reads the title aloud, "Yes, I Am a Vampire by Sergei Alucard. Foreword by Keanu Reeves." Lucy opens the book and reads an excerpt. She says, "Good… gravy."

As she read on, the coffins opened and an army of vampires arise from them! As Lucy was distracted with the reading, Lincoln saw them and started spouting gibberish out of fear. He grabs Lucy's shoulder and shakes her.

Lucy turns around and asks, "What is it, Lincoln?" She turns and sees the vampires. As the undead approach, Lucy says, "Oh, no. I'm not missing out on turning 18 just because I'm already immortal." She tells her brother, "Run!"

The white-haired and goth Loud's rush up the stairs, but Lincoln stops to see a lever that read "Super Happy Fun Slide". He says, "I know I really shouldn't, but when am I going to be here again?" He pulls the lever and the stairs turn into a slide. He slides down, "Wheeeeee!" He reaches the bottom and is ambushed by the vampires, "AAAHH!"

The creatures hold him down as bat appears, which turns into Sergei. "Well if it isn't little Lincoln."

His fangs pop out and he hisses, diving for Lincoln as the middle Loud screamed.

Lucy returns to the dining hall and tells everybody, "You guys! Sergei is a vampire and he has Lincoln!"

She hears Sergei chuckle and turns around to see him, "Why, Lincoln is right here."

Lincoln was shown to be slightly pale and speaking in a trace, "Hello, family. I missed you during my uneventful absence."

Lynn Sr. stands up and scolds, "Honestly, Lucy! You and your vampire stories!"

Lucy protested, "But, Dad…"

Rita interrupted, "No buts, young lady! We're going home, and I don't want to hear anymore about vampires from you. Understand?"

Lucy groaned, "Yes, mom."

Back home, Lucy was asleep in her bed, with Lynn snoring away. Lucy tosses and turns in her sleep when she hears a tapping at the window. She sits up in her bed and asks, "Hello?" She opens the curtain and outside her window, she sees Lincoln and his friends, Clyde, Rusty, Zach, and Liam, and her own friends, such as Haiku, Silas, and even Rocky, levitating! They all had red eyes and fangs poking out of their mouths. She screams, "Aah!" She asks, "Lincoln, you turned our friends into vampires?"

Lincoln answered, "Everyone except Rusty and Rocky."

Rusty bluntly says, "There's a reason people say gingers have no soul."

Lincoln pressured his little sister, "Come join us, Lucy. It's so cool! you get to stay up all night drinking blood!"

Haiku added, "And if you say you're a vampire, they give you a free small soda at the movies."

Lucy answered, "Lincoln, while everything about this is everything I've ever dreamed about, I'm going to have to decline."

Lincoln shrugs, "Yeah, well, we're not giving you a choice here."

Lincoln busts in through the window, scaring the goth girl. The screaming woke up Lynn and she asks, "What's going…" She screams as she sees Lincoln trying to suck Lucy's blood. She picks up a bat and says, "Sorry, bro!"

She hits Lincoln over the head, causing him to groan and go cross-eyed, "Tennis anyone?" He passes out on the floor.

Everyone rushes in and Lori asks, "What's going on in here?!"

Lynn told them, "Lincoln's a vampire!"

Lucy stood up and said, "I told you so."

Mr. Grouse rushes in, holding a mallet and wooden stake, "Quick, we have to kill the boy!"

Rita asked, "Mr. Grouse, how'd you know he's a vampire?"

Mr. Grouse drops his weapons and asks, "He's a vampire?!" He runs away, screaming in fear.

In the confusion, Lincoln awakens and turns into a vampire, flying off into the night.

Rita feared, "This is terrible! We have to do something!"

Luan joked, "Yeah! He's become a real pain in the neck! Hahahahaha! But seriously, we've gotta stop him!"

Luna asked, "Lucy! Isn't there some way to change him back?!"

Lucy answered, "There's one. We have to kill the original vampire: Sergei!"

Everyone gasps and Lisa realized, "Of course! How could I be so stupid?! Sergei Alucard? His last name is Dracula backwards!"

Lynn Sr. picks up the stakes and mallet, "Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"

Back at the castle, the family slowly make their way down the staircase to the basement. Rita complains, "This is dangerous. I wish we could have found a sitter for Lily."

The walk past the level for the slide and Leni sees it. She gets excited, "Oooh! Super Happy Fun Slide!"

Before Leni could pull the lever, Lucy grabs the airheaded Loud's wrist and shakes her head, "No, Leni."

The family reaches the basement and carefully make their way to a huge coffin in the middle of the room. They open it up and see Sergei resting in it.

Lucy explains, "You must drive this stake right through his heart."

Lynn Sr. nods and goes to do it, until Lola asked, "Daddy?" She sweetly asked, "Could _I_ be the one to kill your boss?" She gives her best doe eyes, "Pretty please?"

"Aaaaw!" He picks up his daughter and answers, "What kind of father would I be if I said no?" He gives her the hammer and mallet and hangs her right over Sergei, "Go ahead, Princess."

Lola puts the stake right above Sergei's heart and brings up the mallet, "Take _this_ , vile fiend!"

She slams the mallet down, driving the stake right through his heart! Sergei wakes up, screaming in pain before moan and turning into a pile of ash.

Lynn Sr. places Lola on the floor and everyone does their victory dances. Lynn Sr. cries out, "We did it! We killed the head vampire!"

Suddenly, Sergei reintegrated from the ash and point to Lynn Sr., "You're fired!" He then disintegrates once more.

Everyone stops mid-dance pose and Lynn Sr. frowns, "Dang it!"

The next day, the Loud's are sitting around, enjoying breakfast. Lucy smiles, "You know, I may have missed my one chance at becoming a vampire, but it's nice to have things back to normal around here."

On cue, Albert and all of his friends from the retirement home, as well as Mr. Grouse show up. All of them were levitating, with Scoots still in her scooter, and Mr. Grouse wearing a cape. "Hey, Loud! We're all vampires!" They flight about until Grouse runs into the wall and falls to the ground. He complains, "This cape is giving me a rash."

Lucy shouts, "Gasp! There are more vampires!"

Lincoln asked, "Didn't you know, Lucy?"

Lori said, "We're all literally vampires!"

The family floated upward, scaring Lucy out of her seat, "But that's impossible. We killed Sergei."

Lynn Sr. nodded, "True, but you have to kill the _head_ vampire."

Lucy asks, " _You're_ the head vampire?"

Rita shook her head, "Nope. I'm the head vampire!" Rita screeches, flashing her fangs and red eyes.

"Mom?!"

"Well, I do have a life outside of this house, you know."

The large group lunge towards Lucy, scaring the goth and stopping in what seemed like a freeze frame. Suddenly, they all stood straight up and wave to the viewer, "Happy Halloween, everybody!"

Then, they all begin to hum, mimicking the ending scene of "A Charlie Brown Christmas", with snow even fall in the house for some reason. The scene pans out to show Chunk sitting on the floor, playing a tiny piano, which Charles was Snoopy dancing upon.


	16. Loud House of Horror V: Intro

**Welcome back folks! As a change of pace, and since I'm already writing a lot of things for this Halloween, I've decided to end this month with Treehouse of Horror V, one of the episodes I've watched the most out of any of them and the very episode that got me into Treehouse of Horror (I was VERY young when most of them aired, so I didn't really know them too well until Middle school). Anyway, enjoy this first chapter, which returns to the tradition of having an intro chapter like the first three installments. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

In an opening similar to the first two stories, Rita Loud steps from behind a curtain and onto a stage. She waves, "Hello, everyone! Normally, my husband Lynn would be here to warn you all about how scary this new installment of the story is, but it's so scary that he won't even come out on stage. So, it falls on me to warn you that this installment is very, very scary, and any young children reading should find a new story and…" Someone offscreen hands her a piece of paper. She reads it and frowns, "Oh my, it seems the stories are _so_ scary, the site moderators won't let us show them. Instead, they've requested the author's Genderbent Loud House story, _Linka's Loud House_ , instead."

* * *

The story changes to the first chapter of _Linka's Loud House_ , entitled "Punch Bugged".

Loki asked, "Linka, are you OK?!"

She stands up and dusts herself off, "I'm fine." She looks down and notices the soccer ball, which was now flat as a pancake, "Can't say the same for this ball, though."

"Aw, man!" Lynn Jr. approached his sister and snatched the ball away, "Look what you did to my ball, Linka!"

* * *

Before the story could develop further, the computer screen when black! From that screen, a small dot forms in the middle and stretches out into a green line.

Lincoln's voice is heard, the green line reacting to his words, "There is nothing wrong with your computer. Do not attempt to adjust your monitor. _We_ are in control of the transmission."

Lynn Sr.'s voice can be heard, "What'd you say, son? We're in control? Hey, look! I can see my voice!" Lynn Sr. laughs and starts to make noises, "Brrrr! Beep! Beep! Blub-blub-blub-blub-blub!" He starts to sing, "This… is my voice… on the screen..."

"DAD! You're ruining the mood!"

"Sorry."

"For the next three chapters, we will control what you see and hear. You are about to experience the terror and foul horror of..." The line changes its shape to resemble the Loud's, "The Loud House Halloween Special."

The scene changes to the same cemetery seen in the past four installments. The title reads, "The Loud House Halloween Special V". Only one tombstone is seen, which read "Amusing Tombstones."

Suddenly, the scene pans over to a tree, where it shows Flip being hung! He appears dead, but as it gets close, he opens his eyes!

A flash of lightning changes the scene to Aunt Ruth, tied up to a pole and dressed in a witch's outfit, being burned alive by a priest.

Another flash of lightning, and Principal Huggins is shown in a guillotine. Below him was a basket that had the heads of Agnes Johnson, Norm, and Officer Schoffner inside. Lincoln shows up and, noticing how full the basket was, uses his foot to smash the heads down a bit. Huggins gives the thumbs up and the guillotine slices his head off!

On the couch, the Loud Kids take their positions, but they were all zombified and had body parts swapped amongst them, turning them into nightmarish mashups. As they all trade heads, the title is shown with the mashup Lily moaning, "Poo poo…"


	17. The Shunning

The scene opens to an overhead of Vanzilla, driving down a winding road, dramatic music playing. The title of the story is shown: _The Shunning_.

 _TUESDAY_

Vanzilla is driving on the side of a mountain, towards a large building in the distance.

In the van, we see the Loud's, including Great Aunt Ruth, for whatever reason. Rita tells her family, "Well, it was a long trip, but we're almost there!"

Lynn Sr., who was driving, asks, "Honey, did we lock the front door to the house?"

Rita frowned, "Dang it."

 _WEDNESDAY_

Back on their way, Rita adds, "Well, it's been two long trips, but we're finally almost there again!"

Lynn Sr. asked, "When we locked the front door, did we lock the back door, too?"

Rita frowned again, "Dang it!"

 _THURSDAY_

Back on their way, Rita looking quite mad and irritated. Aunt Ruth was no longer in the car, which made Leni gasp, "You guys! We left Aunt Ruth back at the gas station!" No one seemed to be phased by this, so they just kept driving. As they approached the large building, Leni asked, "But what about Aunt Ruth?"

The family arrived at the building, which could pass for a mansion of sorts. The Loud's piled out of the van and began unpacking, with Lord Tetherby watching from a distance. He rings his hands evilly and says, "Oh, good. The new caretakers of the lodge are here." He chuckles, "They work hard, they play hard." He narrows his eyes, "I'll see to it."

Inside, Tetherby is showing the Loud's around, "This house has quite a long a colorful history. It was built on an ancient Indian burial ground," The group passes a plate of armor, as well as a suspicious collection of axes on a wall, "And was also the setting for Satanic rituals, witch burnings, and five Netflix original films."

Lynn Sr. shudders, "Netflix."

Lucy asks, "Tell me more about the witch burnings."

There's a ding and an elevator opens up, releasing a pool of blood! As it reaches to everyone's ankles, they look freaked out, except for Lucy. Tetherby calmly explains, "That's odd. Usually, the blood gets off at the _second_ floor."

Lucy smiles, "I think I'm going to like it here."

Outside, near a hedge maze, Lincoln is walking around and comes across a familiar face. It was his school janitor, Norm! Lincoln approaches him, "Norm? What are you doing here?"

Norm smiles, "Well, if it isn't little Lincoln!" He explains, "I just got a job here as the groundskeeper. You and your family are the new caretakers I've heard of, eh?"

Before another word was exchanged, a chainsaw cuts through the hedge maze! A circle falls, showing Lynn and Lana. Lana was holding said chainsaw and behind her, there were many walls with circles cut through them.

Both girls step out and Lynn says, "Check it out, Stinkoln! We found a shortcut!"

Lana hands the chainsaw back to Norm, "Thank you, my good man!"

As they walk off, Norm growls, a look in his eyes that looked like he wanted to hurt Lynn and Lana, "Why, you little…" He stops and thinks to himself, " _No, no, go easy on them. Pretty soon, one of their parents will snap and chop them all to bits._ "

Lincoln gasps, "My parents will do _what_!?"

Norm gasps, "You read my thoughts!" He asks the white-haired Loud, "Lincoln, you're a middle child, right?"

Lincoln nods, "Yep."

"Just I thought." Norm explains, "My boy, you've got the Shunning!"

"You mean _Shining_."

Norm shushes him, "You want to get sued? Now, look, usually middle children… especially abused ones… are gifted with the Shunning, and you've got it!"

Lincoln defended, "My family doesn't abuse me."

"Whatever you say, No Such Luck." Norm warns, "Now, look here, Lincoln. If one of your parents goes crazy, you just use that… "shun" of yours to call me and I'll come running." As he begins to walk away, he quickly adds, "But don't read my mind between 4 and 5! That's Norm's time!"

He finally leaves, leaving Lincoln extremely confused.

Back at the lodge, Lord Tetherby cuts a wire that appears to be the connect for things such as the Wi-Fi and TV. He enters his limo and as it drives off, he says, "Well, with no TV and Wi-Fi, I can ensure an honest winter's work out of those lowlifes." He thinks to himself, "Hmm. I wonder if doing that is what caused all the previous owners to go insane and murder their families?" He shrugs it off, "Nah!"

Inside, the family is shown loafing around, Lynn Sr. is cooking, and Rita walks in, "Has anyone seen my folder? That's where I keep all the notes for my story."

"Poo poo!" Rita sees Lily writing all over her notes, the scribbles appearing as if she wrote "Redrum" all over them.

Rita shrugs, "Oh, well! Guess I'll just watch some TV with my kids."

Lori shakes her head, "No can do, mom! The TV is literally out."

Leni is flipping through channels, seeing only static, "All it keeps showing is this snow channel."

Rita shrugs, "Well, at least I have my phone." She takes out her smartphone but it was showing no service, "Oh! No service! How do you like that?" She smiles, "I guess I'll just go back to cleaning! Amazing how 11 kids can make such a mess of a mansion is less than a day, huh?"

Lynn Sr. turns to his wife, "I gotta say, Rita, you're taking this quite well. I'm proud of you!"

Luan joked, "Yeah. Nice to see you're not all _worked_ up! Hahahahaha! Get it?"

Suddenly, Rita snapped, looking at her family with a death glare, "I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU!"

Lynn Sr. shouted, "Rita!"

"Sorry. Sorry." Rita calmed down, "I'm OK. There's plenty of things to keep me occupied." She goes for the door, "Think I'll go have a look at that ax collection." She walks out the door. She then opens it up and pokes her head inside and says in a menacing voice, "See you later."

As she left, the kids looked spooked and Lola asked, "Daddy, is mommy going to kill us?"

Lynn Sr. knelled down and smiled, hugging his little girl, "Oh, sweetie!" He breaks the hug, his hands on her shoulders and frowning, "Probably."

Off in a bar in the lodge, Rita was sitting alone when a ghost of Flip shows up behind the bar itself, "What'll it be, sweetheart?"

"I don't drink. I just want some help around the house."

Flip suggested, "Well, if ya family won't help ya, you should just kill 'em!"

Rita gasped, "Kill them?! Why would I do that?"

Flip thought up a lie, "Uh… they'd be much happier as ghosts."

Rita bluntly replied, "You don't look too happy."

"Oh, I'm happy. I'm very happy," He starts dancing around, a stoic look still upon his face, "Lalalalalalalalala, see? Now waste your family!"

Rita thinks out loud, "Well, I normally don't listen to homicidal ghosts under principal, but what the heck? I've got nothing better to do."

In a large dark room, Lynn Sr. is walking around calling out, "Rita? _Rita_?" He sees a typewriter on a table and says to himself, "Guess she decided to rewrite her stuff on this typewriter."

He approaches the typewriter, slowly walking towards it and revealing what was written. It appeared to just be a normal story being written.

Lynn Sr. smiles, "Well, that's a relief!" Lightning flashes, spooking the Loud patriarch, and all over the walls was a phrase: ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES RITA GO INSANE! "That's less encouraging."

He turns around and yells as he sees Rita there, hair and makeup a mess, a glazed look in her eye and her clothing wrinkled. She asks in an ominous tone, "What do you think, Lynn?" She approaches her husband, who keeps backing up slowly, "All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of "All Work and No Play Makes Rita something something."

Lynn Sr. asked, "Go insane?"

Rita shouts, "DON'T MIND IF I DO!" She lunges for her husband, who scream and backs away. Rita was huffing and puffing, looking like a crazed maniac!

Lynn Sr. rushed towards a glass container that had "BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF SPOUSAL INSANITY" upon it and a baseball bat inside it. Lynn Sr. breaks the glass and grabs the bat, swinging it to keep Rita at bay, "Stay back, Rita! I don't want to use this!"

Rita pursues Lynn Sr. up a flight of stairs, the male still swinging the bay in a desperate attempt to keep her away, "Give me the bat, Lynn! Give me the bat. Give me the bat! Come on. Give me the bat."

Once they were up all the way, Lynn Sr. narrowly avoids tripping on one of Lily's toys. However, Rita stepped on it, causing her to lose her balance and fall down the stairs! Once she was at the bottom of the flight, Lynn Sr. goes down to check on her. She was unconscious, but alive, making him sigh in relief.

The kids were all standing there and Lisa tsks, "Cabin fever has claimed another victim."

Lynn Sr. grabs his wife under her shoulders and says, "Kids, help me carry mommy to the freezer!"

In the freezer, everyone brings Rita's body into the and they gently place her on the floor.

Lynn Sr. tells them, "Now, we'll just leave her here until she's no longer insane." He sees a can on a shelf and grabs it, "Who wants chili tonight?"

Everyone nods and agrees and they take their leave.

Some time later, Rita was conscious and was eating. As she ate through a tub of chocolate pudding, a knock came at the door and Flip calls out, "Rita? It's Flip! Listen, some of the ghouls and I think that the project isn't moving forward."

Rita responded, "Can't murder now. Eating."

"Oh, for crying out loud."

Flip, and his gang of ghouls, consisting of a mummy, werewolf, vampire, Freddy Kruger, Jason Voorhees, and Pinhead all drag out Rita against her will. She shouts, " **NO!** "

In the dining room, the Loud's eat their chili and Lori asks, "I just thought of something. If this is a parody of _The Shining_ , how come dad isn't the one trying to kill us?"

Lucy nodded, "Yeah. And how come in the second installment, only 3 nightmares were shown, and not all of ours?"

Lana asked, "And the zombie story? Why wasn't Pop Pop with us? He's a veteran, for Pete's sake!"

Lynn asked, "And how come in the vampire story, Lucy didn't want to become a vampire?"

Lynn Sr. answered, "Kids, stop pointing out the plot holes and eat your chili."

Everyone shrugged and did just that.

Rita was shown with an ax and was using it to break down a door! As a hole was formed in it, she stuck her face near it and said, "Here's Johnny!" She sees the room was actually empty, so she frowned, "Dang it."

At a different door, she makes another hole and goes, "Conan O'Brien!"

She sees Aunt Ruth, who waves, "Hi, Conan. I'm Aunt Ruth."

Rita frowns, "Dang it!"

At another door, she makes a hole and quickly says, "It all happens right now on The View! With Whoopi, Abby Huntsman, Joy Behar, and Sonny Hostin! Now, let's get things started!"

This time, the door was actually the one for the kitchen. The family screams at her arrival, Leni grabs Lily, and they all run away, still screaming. They go into another room and Lynn Sr. speaks into an old transmitter, "Hello police, this is Lynn Loud Sr."

On the other end was Officer Schoffner, who heard him say, "My wife is on a murderous rampage. Over."

Schoffner smiles, "Well, thank goodness that's over. I was worried there for a second." She turns off the transmitter.

Lynn Sr. panics, "No answer!"

Lincoln assured, "Don't worry, Dad. I can use my…" He reluctantly says, " _Shunning_ … to call Norm."

Off in a small shed near the lodge, Norm was lying in his bed reading a book. Suddenly, he sits up and gasps, "Lincoln and his family are in danger!" He bursts out of the shed, still in his jammies and runs through the bitter cold and snow, "I'm coming to rescue all of you!"

The opens the double doors to the lodge, letting the cold and snow inside. He walks in and puts up his fists, "All right loony, show me what you've got!" Rita pops up behind him and drives an ax into his back! Norm looks back and weakly says, "Is that the best you can do?" He falls to the ground, a thud signifying his own demise.

The family was nearby and Lincoln frowns, "Dang it."

Rita grabs another ax and says in a deadpan tone, "Must kill family."

As she growls, the family make their way outside into the snow. As they ran, Rita gave chase, still brandishing the ax. As the family walks further into the snow, it began to get deeper, and thus, harder for them to run. Lori falls face first into the snow, unable to keep her balance from the volume of it reaching her knees. She turns onto her back and sees her mother.

Lori crawls back a bit and begs, "Mommy, please! I'm your first born!"

Rita grins, "And you'll be first _dead_!"

As Rita raises her ax, Lori screams and the family looks on in fear, until a voice calls out, "WAIT!"

Everyone looks back to the lodge and sees Lincoln right behind Rita. He was holding a basket of clean laundry and smiles, "Don't worry, mom." He approaches them and places the basket down, "We'll help you."

Luna shouted, "Dude, what are you doing!?"

Lynn Sr. said, "Son, this is no time for laundry!"

Lincoln assured, "Relax, guys." He starts folding a shirt and says, "I read mom's mind. She's not crazy. All she really wants is a little help."

Rita lowered her ax and said, "Help… Lincoln help mommy…"

Everyone looked at this and smiled, quickly joining Lincoln to help fold.

Rita dropped to her knees, and said, "Urge to kill… fading… fading… fading…" The family stops and looks over, "RISING!" They promptly return to fold and Rita calms down, "Fading… fading… gone." She drops the ax and smiles, tears in her eyes.

As they finished folding everything except one shirt, which Lincoln was holding, they embraced in a group hug. Lincoln told her, "It's OK, mom. Everything's going to be O…"

The scene cuts to a closeup of Rita's frozen, smiling face. The entire family was seen frozen together, with Lori saying through her stuck face, "I literally can't believe we all fell asleep mid-hug."

Lynn added, "I can't believe how tacked on this ending was."

Lynn Sr. scolded, "Lynn... Plot holes…

Lincoln said, "I guess you never know how raising 11 kids can really affect a person, huh?"

Rita sees Lincoln with the shirt and asks, "Lincoln. You never finished that shirt."

Lincoln nervously chuckled, "I guess I didn't."

Luan joked, "At least there's _snow_ way things can get any worse."

Almost as if on cue, Lily, who was frozen as well, strains out a, "Poo… poo…"

There was a farting sound, and everyone screamed at this. Rita says, "Urge to kill… rising…"


	18. Time and Punishment

The scene opens up on a view of a window, showing two blue jays flying by. The scene pans over to the Loud's sitting at the table, eating breakfast. The title, "Time and Punishment", is shown. However, Lincoln didn't seem to be there.

Lynn Sr. says, "You know, Rita, I've had my share of troubles. But sitting here with you and the kids in our cozy home in this beautiful, free country, makes me feel like I'm a lucky guy."

There was a power surge, causing the lights to go out and Lincoln shout, "Dad! The toaster's broken!"

In the darkness, we see Lynn Sr.'s eyeballs as they form into a squint, "I can see that, son."

Luan jokes, "Don't you mean _can't_ see that? Hahahahaha! But seriously, someone should fix that thing."

Out in the shed, Lynn Sr. has the toaster on a workbench and says, "This shouldn't be hard to fix...with the right tools."

He pulls out a rock, and right before going to smash it, Lana asks, "Dad, are you sure I can't fix it?" She shows off the toolbelt she's wearing, "I do have a tool belt."

"Thanks, Lana, but I think I can manage it."

Lana shrugs and walks off, "Alright, Mr. Do-It-Yourself."

Lynn Sr. bangs away at the toaster with the rock, and eventually, the back of it falls off. Sometime later, the toaster was fixed, "There." The inside of the toaster looked extremely high-tech, with all shorts of blinking lights, mechanical bleeps, and even a lightbulb, "Better than new." He puts the back of the toaster back on and says to himself, "Good thing Lisa had that box of old stuff lying around. Now, time to take it for a test toast."

Lynn Sr. pulls out a piece of toast seemingly out of nowhere. He pops it in and turns it on. However, the toaster began to be surrounded by a force field of lightning! Lynn Sr. grabs the toaster, only for him and it to disappear!

He reappears in a strange place surrounded by clocks, Lynn Sr. falling forever. He looks around and asks, "What is it?! What's going on around here!?"

Suddenly, Jimmy Neutron and his friends, Carl and Sheen, are shown falling with the Loud patriarch. Jimmy explains, "Simple, Lynn Loud Sr. You've stumbled upon time travel."

Carl chuckled, "Got that right, Jim."

Jimmy glares, "Quiet, you."

In a flash of lightning from the toaster, Lynn Sr. appeared in prehistoric times! He sees hundreds of dinosaurs roaming about and says, "Wow. I've gone back to the time where dinosaurs weren't attractions in amusement parks." A pterodactyl flies by, tries to scoop up Lynn Sr., but he screams and ducks just in time. "Okay. Don't panic. Remember the advice Lisa gave you that one time."

A thought bubble shows Lisa explaining, " _If you ever travel back in time, don't step on_ _ **anything**_ _, because even the tiniest change can alter the future in ways you can't imagine._ "

The thought bubble dissipates and he nods, a serious look upon his face, "Fine. As long as I stand perfectly still and don't touch anything, I won't destroy the future."

A giant mosquito flies around him, which he tries to shoo away, until eventually he gets mad, "Get away, stupid bug!" He smashes the bug with his fist, killing it! However, he instantly regrets this, but tries to rationalize, "That was just one little insignificant mosquito. It's not going to affect the future, right? Right?"

A prehistoric sloth walks by him and shrugs, giving a groan that sounded like, "I don't know."

Just then, the toast pops out of the toaster, and it sends Lynn Sr. back to the future! He appears in the kitchen and rushes into the living room, seeing his family on the couch and Rita in the chair in the corner.

He sighs in relief, "Oh, my loving family. Nothing's changed."

Suddenly, a giant TV comes out of the floor, so Rita and the kids all stand in front of it. On the TV, it shows Mr. Grouse! He yells, "Louds! Still miserable as my slaves?"

They nod and answer in a grumpy tone, "Yeah!"

Lynn Sr. waves, "Hi, Mr. Grouse!" He then realizes, "Wait. Did he just say slaves?"

After his hello, an alarm sounds and Mr. Grouse says, "Well, according to the big board, we've got a Positive Pete over in Sector 2. All of you, freeze, and prepare for reeducation. Immediately!"

Lincoln explained, "Don't you remember, Dad? Mr. Grouse is the unquestioned lord and master of the world."

Lynn Sr. frowns, "Dang it."

Outside, the Loud House was hovering on a platform. Said platform was hooked up by a truck and taken away! It soon arrives at the "Grouse Reeducation Center", where a large number of people, including the Loud's, were sitting in chairs.

On another TV, Grouse says, "Alright, folks! Time to get rid of those stupid smiles!" Out of the chairs, hooks grabbed inside of the mouths of the people, turning their faces into grumpy scowls, "Just relax and let the hooks do their work."

Lynn Sr. looks to a guy on his left, "Don't frown, buddy. It's not so bad."

Afterward, everyone was in a line, and Lynn Sr. was grabbing his cheek in pain.

In the line, another TV has Grouse explain, "Well, if you aren't nice and grumpy after that, there's only one cure for that." He shows a plate of lasagna, "A nice lasagna dinner, falling asleep in your chair while watching TV, and a full-frontal lobotomy!"

Lynn Sr. gulps at this. Kotaro shows up, looking quite grumpy, "Don't be such a baby, Loud. It's not so bad. They go in through your nose and they let you keep the piece of brain they cut out." He shows a jar with part of his brain inside it.

Lynn Sr. sees his family with their jars, a glazed look in their eyes and drooling at the mouth. Scowls on their faces, they say in monotone voices, " _Join us, father_."

Rita, looking the same, says, " _It's…_ _ **bliss**_."

Lynn screams, "No! Never!" He runs away screaming.

An alarm sounds and a pack of vicious hounds are released. As Lynn Sr. runs, multiple screens of Mr. Grouse are watching him, the world leader looking quite angry at this.

Lynn Sr. sees the dogs, "Oh, no. They're gaining on me." He smiles, "Wait! I have an idea!" Out of his pocket, he pulls out a dog whistle, "This always works on Charles!" He blows into the whistle, making the dog stop in their tracks. They moan and howl, allow Lynn Sr. to escape.

He arrives at the house and says, "I've gotta go back!" He runs into the kitchen, "Fix future!"

He uses the toaster and returns to the prehistoric era. "This time, I'm not gonna touch a thing."

Suddenly, a T-Rex comes rampaging alone and roars, making the Loud father scream and run off. As he runs, he hops over various fauna, flora, and small animals, "Mustn't crush, mustn't kill!" He hops to safety, his back to a lake, "Made it!" A fish creature crawls out of the water and Lynn Sr. accidentally sits down upon it! He groans, "Oh, I wish, I wish I hadn't killed that fish."

The toaster pops and send him back to the present. However, the house was empty, "Hey. Where is everybody?"

From the living room window, a giant eye is look at him. He screams and suddenly the roof comes off, showing all of his kids as giants!

Lincoln says, "Hey, there's a bug that looks like Dad." He gleefully says, "Let's kill it!"

The giant Loud's all agree and go to squash him. Lynn Sr. yells and moves out of the way, using the toaster to travel back once more.

He huffs and puffs, relieved to have escape. However, the T-Rex from before shows up and prepares to eat him! In that moment, however, Lynn Sr. sneezed onto the dinosaur. This caused the T-Rex to sneeze, and then fall to the ground, dead. This proved contagious, as many dinosaurs began to catch it, sneeze, and fall dead.

Lynn Sr. worries, "That's gonna cost me."

He arrives back in the present, but sees he now lived in a bigger home, with a nice, huge kitchen and table, and his family were dressed all fancy, "Dang it!" He then smiles, "I mean, hey!"

He sits at the table and Lincoln hands him the paper, "Good morning, Father, dear. Hope you're well."

Lori and Leni were in the same outfit, with Lori saying, "Oh, Leni, dear sister, Charles is going to love your new dress."

Leni responds, "Not as much as Roberto is going to love yours, Lori, dear sister."

Rita tells her children, "Remember, Lori, tonight you have to take Luna and her friend, Samantha, to their violin recital."

Luna asked, "Can we drive there in the Lexus, Mother, dear?"

"Of course, sweetie!"

Luan said, "Anyway, back to my joke!" She clears her throat, "To which I responded," She says something in French, which made her entire family laugh. She added, "Oh, Benjamin loved that joke, and I thought I saw Margaret smile at it."

Lynn, who was dressed in a polo outfit said, "Oh, Luan, I'll have to tell the girls at the polo club about that one."

Lucy appeared normal and reading a book on Emily Dickinson, "Oh, Dickinson. How I hope to strive to be half as good a poet as you some day."

Lana and Lola, dressed like identical twins, are eating when Lola points out, "Lana, dear sister, you've got something on your cheek."

Lana pulls out a napkin and wipes it clean, "Thank you, Lola, dear sister."

Lisa was on the phone with someone and said, "Good news, family! I've just be rewarded with the Nobel Peace Prize!"

Rita says, "Well, I guess we'll have to build a new case."

There are many cases shown, filled with a multitude of awards.

Lynn Sr. smiles, "Hmm. Fabulous home, well-behaved kids, luxury Sedan." He cheers, "Jackpot! This calls for a celebration. Rita, my love, would you kindly fetch my cowbell?"

Rita asked, "Cowbell? What's a cowbell?"

This made Lynn Sr. scream three times and rush off, obviously using the toaster once more. Suddenly, thunder was heard and cowbells started falling from the sky! As they rung about, Rita commented, "Oh, it's raining again."

Somewhere else, Lynn Sr. appears back in the normal kitchen, and sees Norm standing there. He tells Lynn Sr, "You're still not in your own world, Lynn Sr. I can get you home, but you have to do exactly as I…"

Before he could finish his sentence, Norm screamed and fell forward. He was shown to have been stabbed in the back by an ax, which was held by Lily. She removes her pacifier and says in a deep voice, " _This is indeed a disturbing universe_."

Back in the prehistoric times, Lynn Sr. was holding a bat and shouts, "Don't touch anything!? I'll touch whatever I want!" He takes the bat and starts hitting anything and everything in his sight.

As he rampages, we see his family constantly changing. From their normal designs to their prototype designs, once to show Leni as a fat 8-year-old and another to show her in her ugg boots design. They then change into rabbits, their genderbent designs, in reversed age with Lori as a baby and Lily as a teenager, even classic Nicktoon characters: Lincoln was Danny Phantom, Lori was Ren Hoek, Leni was XJ9, Luna as Nigel Thornberry, Luan as Spongebob, Lynn as Otto Rocket, Lucy as Ickis, Lana and Lola were CatDog, Lisa as Timmy Turner, Lily as Tommy Pickles, and Rita was Mrs. Bighead.

Speaking of Nicktoons, Invader Zim and Gir watch the carnage from space, "Foolish earthling, totally unprepared for the effects of time travel."

They both do their maniacal laughter trope before Zim turns into Jimmy Neutron and Gir turns into Sheen!

Sheen asks, "What happened to us, Zim?!"

Jimmy responds, "Quiet, you."

Lynn Sr. returns home, panting and gasping after all that rampaging. He slowly walks into the dining room and sees his normal-looking family sitting down.

Rita stands up from her chair and says, "Morning, dear."

Lynn Sr. grabs his wife and asks, "What's my name? What color is the sky? What are cowbells? Answer me, woman!"

Rita answers, "Lynn, the sky is blue, cowbells are annoying, Friday is the author's 26th birthday." Rita asks, "Lynn, what's gotten into you?"

Lynn Sr. relaxes, "Nothing. Nothing at all. Let's just eat."

They all sit down, and Hops jumps up onto the table. Suddenly, Lana's tongue stretched out to eat, just like her pet frog! The whole family was eating like this, except for Hops, who put on a bib and used a fork and knife. He ribbits and begins to eat.

Lynn Sr. was shocked at first, but then shrugged, "Eh. Close enough." He begins to eat normally, content with how things had turned out.

* * *

 **Time for a fun little contest! With 99 reviews, I've decided to have the 100** **th** **reviewer choose the first victim for Nightmare Cafeteria! It can be anybody at Royal Woods Elementary or an OC. It's all up to you! See you all tomorrow for Halloween, and the final chapter of Part 5!**


	19. Nightmare Cafeteria

**Happy Halloween, boils and ghouls! Congratulations to Fireball Disaster for the 100th review! Sorry to everybody who thought they had it. I'm afraid he was first to the punch. Still, his choice seems to be everyone else's choice for the first victim of the chapter. Also, sorry to upload so late. It's been a crazy day. Anyway, hope you enjoy! Have a Happy Halloween!**

The scene opens up on Royal Woods Elementary, with the title appearing just over the school: "Nightmare Cafeteria"!

Inside Mrs. Johnson's classroom, the kids were all horsing around when Rusty says, "Hey, guys! Let's all turn our desks backwards before Mrs. Johnson shows up."

His group of friends and the others agree to this. Mrs. Johnson walks into the class, and Lincoln, Clyde, Rusty, Liam, and Zach were laughing at the prank. However, it was shown they were the only ones turned backwards!

Mrs. Johnson tells them, "Alright, Backwards Boys, back your butts down to detention."

The boys all frowned, "Dang it."

Lincoln and his friends walk to the door for detention, only to see a bunch of kids smooshed against the glass on the door! Principal Huggins walks up and says, "Over here, boys. The detention room is overcrowded, so you'll all be serving in the cafeteria."

A boy on the glass said, "Oxygen running out…"

Principal Huggins scolds, "Well, you should've thought of that before you made that paper airplane."

In the cafeteria, Lincoln and his friends sit at a table with Chandler and his friends. The cafeteria was filled with kids, including Lincoln's 4 young sisters and their respective friends and crushes. For Lucy, that meant both Rocky and Silas.

Huggins complains to himself, "This overcrowding in detention is becoming critical. It's a powder keg waiting to go off in an explosion of bad behavior."

A lunch lady walks by holding a giant pot of some kind of sauce, "Don't whine to me, boss man. Thanks to the latest budget cuts, I'm down to using Grade F meat." A box of said meat is shown, which read "Ingredients: Mostly circus animals, some filler."

Huggins asks, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a common solution to both our problems?"

The lunch lady walks off, responding, "That would be great."

Chandler leans over to Lincoln, "Hey, Lincoln, watch this." Chandler sticks out his foot, which trips the poor lunch lady! However, it also caused the green concoction in the pot to spill all over Chandler, "Oh, no! My favorite outfit!"

Huggins marches over and grabs Chandler by his arms, "Chandler, this is by far the worst…" He sniffs something and licks the sauce on his hand. He looks surprised by the flavor, so he uses his index finger to scoop up some more. After tasting it, he smiles, "Mmm." He asks, "Chandler, why don't you… assist… Lunchlady Doris in the kitchen?"

Chandler replies, "Bite me, Huggins."

Huggins says to himself, "Well, might we."

The scene changes to the kitchen door, and Chandler's voice is heard, "It's hard for me to clean this giant pot when you keep spilling meat tenderizer all over me." This is followed by the sound of a lid going onto a pot, "Oh, great! Now I gotta work in the dark."

The scene changes to the next day. In the teacher's lounge, we see Huggins, Agnes Johnson, Coach Pacowski, Ms. DiMartino, Ms. Shrinivas, Nurse Patti, and Cheryl, the secretary, eating what appeared to be sloppy joes.

Mrs. Johnson moans as she takes a bite, "This sandwich tastes so young and impudent. Wilbur, what's with the good grub?"

Huggins responds, "Well, perhaps I ought to let you folks in on a secret. You remember me telling Chandler Jones that I'd make something of him one day?"

Mrs. Johnson gasps and asks, "Are you saying you killed Chandler... processed his carcass, and served him for lunch?" Principal Huggins answers by tapping on his nose. Mrs. Johnson was silent for a second and shrugs, "Oh, well."

They all continue eating, oddly unphased by this realization.

In the cafeteria, Lincoln and his pals are in line for lunch when Zach asks, "Hey. I wonder where Chandler is today?"

Liam responds, "Hey, yeah. He and his pals should've stolen our table by now."

They all shrug, "Oh, well!"

The German boy from a few stories ago returns and cuts the line, "Frau Lunchlady, please to have another Sloppy Chanlder?" As he's handed another sandwich, he looks to the group and asks, "Das ist gut, ja?"

He begins to eat it when Principal Huggins walks up, "That's your third helping, young man." A bird's eye view of Gunter's husky build is shown, "It's making you fat and soft…" Huggins licks his lips, "...and tender." He snaps out of it and asks, "Uh… you just cut in line, didn't you? Report to detention, Gunter."

"For how long?"

"Oh, about seven minutes a pound should do it."

The next day, the cafeteria was celebrating Oktoberfest, with the school staff wearing lederhosen, Oom-pah music playing, and the cafeteria serving up various German foods, such as bratwurst and German chocolate cake.

The lunch lady comes to Lincoln and his friends with platers of said food, "Okay, I got your German grub right here."

As the kids began eating, Lisa approaches her big brother, "Lincoln, does it strike you as odd that Gunter disappeared and suddenly they're serving us this mysterious food called "Gunterbraten"?"

Lincoln swallows his food and goes, "Hey, yeah. That is strange."

Rusty said, "First Chandler, and now Gunter."

Zach said, "And I haven't seen Ronnie Anne lately."

Lincoln reminded him, "Ronnie Anne moved away, Zach."

"Oh, yeah."

Principal Huggins shows up, dressed in lederhosen and says, "Oh, relax, kids. I've got a…" He pats his belly, "Gut feeling Gunter's around here somewhere. After all, isn't there a little Gunter in all of us? In fact, you might even say we just ate Gunter and he's in our stomachs right now!" He laughs for a moment, before abruptly stopping and telling them, "Wait. Scratch that one."

He leaves, and all the kids give a nervous gulp.

Later at the Loud House, Rita and Lynn Sr. were in the kitchen when the non-teen Loud's rush in, shouting, "Mom, Dad!"

Lincoln tells their parents, "You've gotta help! They're cooking kids in the school cafeteria!"

Rita tells him, "Lincoln, you're 11 years old now. You can't expect your father and I to fight all your battles for you."

Lynn Sr. added, "Your mother's right, son. You're the big brother to your little sisters. It's your job to protect them, even from cannibalistic teachers."

They all shouts, "But!"

Rita interrupted, "No buts! You march right back to that school, look them straight in the eye and say, "Don't eat me. ""

The kids sigh and walk away, "Okay."

Some time later, Mrs. Johnson wrote on the chalkboard, "Homework: Eat a stick of butter". Her classroom only has Lincoln, Clyde, Lincoln's sisters, and two unnamed students. Mrs. Johnson, who had grown quite fat, tells them, "Since so many students have been put on permanent detention," She gags a bit, but manages to keep it down, "We've merged everyone into a single class." Crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes, she warns, "I trust there are no objections?"

Just then, one of the unnamed students starts to visibly shake from fear. This made the pencil on his desk fall off and hit the floor! Mrs. Johnson reacts to this, and with a deep breath and a point to the door, she gleefully says, "Detention."

With a fearful whimper, the poor boy gets up and walks out of the room.

Clyde looks over to Mrs. Johnson, who was reading a book entitled The Joys of Cooking Clyde. It shows Clyde's head on a platter, an apple in his mouth! He warns the Loud kids, "Hey, you guys, I was just thinking that any one of us could be next. So, what do you say we make a break for it?"

They nod in agreement. They crawl on the floor while Mrs. Johnson was reading, making their way out of the classroom. They make their way past the detention room, where Lincoln peers inside and gasps, "You guys, look!"

They all look inside and see their fellow classmates in cages! Rusty, Zach, Liam, Haiku, Darcy, Girl Jordan, and Boy Jordan, whom was shaking like a leaf. Mr. Huggins hits his cage with a ruler, scaring the boy, "Easy there, young man. You'll only make yourself tired and stringy. Now to check on the free-range children." He looks out the window to see a bunch of other children running around in a gated area.

A shadowy figure casts itself upon the wall, and the kids turn around and scream. Lunch lady Doris was covered in blood, hissing and spinning an egg beater at them! The kids back away as she approaches them.

Norm rushes in, "Hold on, kids! I'm coming to rescue you! I'll…" He's cut off by Principal Huggins driving an ax into his back. Norm says, "I'm bad at this." He falls to the ground, dead!

The faculty appear and approach the children, who were backing away in a desperate attempt to escape.

Huggins tells Lincoln, "I'm going to enjoy devouring you, Lincoln Loud." He thinks something over and says, "Yes. I think I'll, as one famous trouble maker put it…" He puts on a bib, which had a picture of two sign kids holding hands and crossing a street, "Eat your shorts."

Lincoln corrects, "But I'm wearing pants!"

The kids are pushed towards a platform that was just above a giant Hamilton Beach "Student Chopper" blender. As they reach the end of the platform, Huggins pulled a lever that showed "Off", "Chop", "Pulverize", "Puree", and "Gooify". He puts it on the last setting, and the machine powers up!

The kids panic as it turns on and the school staff surround them!

Lincoln assures, "Don't worry, guys. Something always comes along to save us." Clyde falls back into the machine, screaming before getting gooified! Lincoln adds, "Nevertheless, I remain confident that something will come along and save the Loud children." Then, Lincoln's sisters were all pushed into the machine, screaming all the way down before getting gooified! Lincoln sweats, "Well, surely, they wouldn't kill the main character! Right? RIGHT?!" Lincoln was pushed over the edge, screaming as he approaches the blades of the machine!

Before falling, he wakes up, screaming in his own bed! He sees his family around him, his mother sitting on the bed. Rita comforts her son, "Relax, honey. You were just having a crazy nightmare. You're back with your family now, where there's nothing to be afraid of." Lincoln smiles at this, until she finishes, "Except that fog that turns people inside out."

Lincoln was confused, "Huh?"

Leni gasps, pointing to Lincoln's window, "OMGosh! It's seeping in!"

Lynn Sr frowned, "Dang it! I knew that weather stripping looked cheap!"

The fog surrounded the family, making them scream as their skin sheds off of them line a snake shedding its skin, before going inside, and leaving them inside out! After they finished screaming in terror and pain, they were oddly calm. Lily asks, "Boo Boo?"

Music begins to play and the family stands up, grabbing some hats and dancing canes as the set changes to have enough room for a dance number!

 _One_

 _Chorus line of people_

 _Dancing till they make us stop_

An inside-out Norm joins in, "Two!"

 _Many dancing people_

 _Covered with blood, gore and glop_

 _Just_

 _One_

 _Sniff of that fog, and you're inside out_

 _It's worse than that flesh-eating virus you've read.. a..bout!_

 _Vital organs, they are what we're dressed in_

 _The family dog is eyeing Lincoln's intestine_

 _Ha..ppy Hall..o..ween!_

As they finish up their song and dance, Charles comes in and sniffs at Lincoln. He tries to shoo away the dog, but Charles merely bites at Lincoln's midsection and drags him off! Everyone ignores this and just keep on dancing.


	20. Attack of the 50 Foot Eyesores

**Welcome back, everyone! Sorry to make you guys wait so long for part VI. Between the holidays, video games, and being burned out on writing, I couldn't really get any writing done. I'm back now, however, and without further ado, I present to you part 1 of Loud House of Horror: Part VI!**

The scene opens up to show the Headless Horseman riding through the dark woods. He lifts up his arm to show him holding Luan's head by the ponytail, said head laughing evilly. The Headless Horseman throws the head at the screen, which explodes into a bloody mess to reveal the title: Loud House Halloween Special VI. As the title was shown, the sound of Luan's voice could be heard groaning.

Cut to the couch, Lincoln and his sisters appear from the ceiling, each of them hung by a noose! As the scene cuts to the title card, Lily was shown hanging and says, "Poo poo…"

The first story begins in the city, which was full of garish statues and signs of various different businesses.

We see Lincoln and Ronnie Anne, as well as Lola, walking through this part of the city. Lola was carrying around her toy bear, Mr. Sprinkles.

She takes a deep breath and admires the scenery, "Ah, the Miracle Mile, where value wears a neon sombrero and there's not a single church or library to offend the eye."

Lincoln told Ronnie Anne, "Sorry we have to drag Lola with us today."

Ronnie Anne smiles, "No worries, Link. I like her style."

The 11-year-olds walked pass a store, but Lola stopped and gasped. She looks up and smiles, "There it is! The chain that put the "fat" in fat Southern sheriffs." The store was called "Lard Lad Donuts", which had a statue of a fat boy in overalls holding a giant donut in his hand. There was a banner hanging off the roof that reads "Try Our New Colossal Donut".

Lola's eyes light up, but they soon turned to normal as Lincoln said, "Lola…" He knew exactly what was on her mind, "Lori said to not spoil our appetites."

Lola begged, giving her best sad eyes, "Aaaaaw, please, Linky?" She brought her index finger and thumbs together, "Just one little donut?"

Lincoln thought it over, "Well… OK. Just _one_ donut!"

She cheers, "Yay!" She hugs her big brother, "Thanks, Lincoln!" She rushes inside, Mr. Sprinkles in tow. As she enters, she narrows her eyes and grins, "Sucker." She approaches the counter, which was manned by a greasy male teen, and pulls a bill out of her bear, "One colossal donut, my good sir!" She places it on the counter, but is shocked when the employee placed a regular sized donut on the counter. She screams, "WHAT!?" She snatches the donut, "One little donut!? That's false advertising!"

The employee shrugged and responded in a cracking voice, "Sorry, kid. No refunds."

Lola glares as she crushes the donut in her bare hands, threatening, "I paid for a colossal doughnut and I'm gonna get a colossal doughnut."

As she storms out the store, the employee yells, "You don't scare us!"

Later that day, Lori, Lincoln, and Lola returned home. In Lisa's room, Lola approaches her. She tells her younger sibling, "Lisa, I need you to help me get a colossal donut!"

Lisa explained, "I can't, Lola. Tonight, there's an ionic disturbance in the vicinity of the Van Allen belt. Everyone is advised to take the necessary precautions, so I have to…"

Lola yells, "HELP ME, OR I'LL TELL MOM YOU'VE BEEN EXPERIMENTING ON THE ANIMALS AGAIN!"

After a brief silence, the scene abruptly cuts to nighttime, with Lola and Lisa in Lola's princess car. Lisa says, "I still can't believe your toy car can travel such a great distance."

Lola chuckles, "You can thank Lana for that." They pull up to the donut shop, where Lola puts a pair of pantyhose over her face, "Let's do it!"

Some time later, Lisa managed to unscrew the donut from the statue and hooks it up to a winch. Said winch was connected to the car, which Lola was ready to drive off in. Lisa returns to the car and nods. Lola then pushes on the gas, causing the donut to fall off!

As they drive off with the donut, Lola cheers, "YES!" She shouts, "I've got your donut, Lard Lad!"

The statue stood there as Lola shouted once more, "What are you gonna do about it?!"

In that instance, a flash of lightning hits the statue, causing it to come to life! It looks in the direction Lola and Lisa drove off in, and he becomes angry! He tears himself off of the roof, now walking about the town and giving a Godzilla roar! However, he wasn't the only one! Another flash of lighting, and the other statues around the city came to life, also looking in the direction of the Loud girls!

Back at home, Lola was relaxing in the middle of the donut, which was in the middle of her room! She had set up a tea party and was currently pouring tea into her cup. Rita appears overhead, "Lola, where did you get this thing?!"

Lola looks up and nonchalantly asks, "Get what?"

Rita bluntly responds, "The giant donut."

"Well…" Lola hesitated and then lied, "I acquired it legally! You can be sure of that!"

Just outside of Royal Woods, a large sign with a cowboy animatronic was seen. He appeared to be promoting some sort of beverage, as shown by the bottle in his hand. As he came to life, some people parked just below see this and cheer at he climbs off his billboard! The cowboy sees they're distracted and uses his bottle to crush the poor souls into the ground!

In town, the face on the Burpin' Burger sign came to life, chomping on the giant burger! He then pops off the sign and starts moving forward, chomping as he makes Pac-Man sounds, eating up the citizens of Royal Woods!

The next day, the TV in the Loud House shows Katherine Mulligan reporting from on a rooftop as advertising statues ranging from Paul Bunyan to Aladdin start to tear up the town, "Good morning, everybody." She walks over to show a giant billboard showing an advertising statue of herself, "Panic is gripping Royal Woods as giant advertising mascots rampage through the town. Perhaps it's part of some daring new ad campaign." A giant devil statue stomps behind, "But what new product could justify such carnage?" Suddenly, the Katherine statue starts to come to life, popping out of the billboard and staring at the real one, "A cleanser? A fat-free fudge cake that doesn't let you down in the flavor department like so many others…" The statue appears behind Katherine and grabs her, "Let me go!"

The channel statics before showing a cute puppy with an electrical cord in its mouth, and a wall outlet without any cords in it. In big red letters, it showed "Technical Difficulties Please Stand By" However, one could still her Katherine screaming, "No! Stop! No!"s

In Vanzilla, Lynn Sr. is driving before stomping on the breaks! He shouts, "What the?!" He sees the giant devil, which had "Red Devil Realty" across its torso. The devil picks up the van, looking inside to see the Loud father, "Oh, no! This is just like that nightmare I had last week!"

In town, a giant peanut mascot stops a car and picks it up. He rips the roof off, just like a peanut, and then eats the screaming people inside said car!

Outside a big and tall man shop, we see two familiar cops as what appeared to be a giant man walks out of the shop, dressed in basketball attire! Officer Schoffner panics and guns him down, and then approaches the body. She smugly taunts, "Aw, they're not so tough!"

The male officer explains, "Chief, that wasn't a monster. That was the captain of the high school basketball team."

Schoffner realizes her mistake and quickly lies, "Uh, yeah, well, he was turning into a monster though."

At Royal Woods Middle, we see the giant devil with Lynn on his shoulder. Lynn whispers, "What are you waiting for? Wreck the school. You know you wanna." The devil ponders this idea as Lynn rushes over to his other shoulder. She says in a deeper voice, "I agree. Destroy the school."

The devil nods and does just that, stomping on the school with one foot and then kicking the roof off with the other!

Back at home, the doorbell was ringing nonstop, causing Lola to approach the door, "Alright, alright! Keep your shirt on!" She opens the door and yelps in terror as she sees the Lard Lad.

She nervously hesitates and then lies, "If you're looking for that big doughnut of yours," She points next door, "Mr. Grouse has it! Just smash open his house!"

The statue nods and stomps away, leaving Lola to close the door and wipe the sweat from her brow, "Phew! That was a close one."

As she walked away, we hear what appears to be the sound of a house getting destroyed. However, a few seconds after, the doorbell rings once again. Lola answers it to see Lard Lad again.

Mr. Grouse is shown on the opposite end of the street, running away and screaming, "NICE TRY, LOUD!"

Lola frowns, "Dang it." She then lies, "Oh, wait! It's actually _Flip_ who has your donut! Go kill _him_!"

The family shows up in Vanzilla, which begs the question of how Lynn Sr. got out of _that_ jam, and Rita shouts from the driver seat, "Lola, just give him the doughnut! Once he has it, that'll be the end of all this horror!"

Lola begrudgingly agrees, "Well, okay. If it'll end horror."

Moments later, the Lard Lad gets his donut back, returning to his original state! The Loud family were relieved by this, until the statue came back to life and used the donut to crush a car, and then the roof of a house, and then kick a barking dog into the distance!

As the statue marches off, Rita frowns, "Dang it. I was so sure that'd work."

Lola scoffs, "Great! Now ads are destroying the town AND I don't have a colossal donut! What's next!?"

As Lola ranted, Lori was texting on her phone, until it emitted an electrical current, shocking the eldest Loud sibling, "OUCH!" She drops the phone and it starts to levitate! She asks, "What the?"

Just then, every cell phone and computer in Royal Woods started to fly off, conjoining in one area! Lincoln then realized, "Wait a minute. All these statues are ads, right?"

Lori added, "And the internet is literally full of ads."

Luna added, "And the internet is on everyone's computer and phone!"

Leni interrupts, "Wait! I'm not following any of this! Where did that donut come from again?"

Everyone else was silent a moment and had a look upon their faces that shouted "Really?", but then they all gasped as a giant shadow loomed over their town! It was a giant Transformer-esque robot, covered in little screens, each screen displaying an ad! As the robot begins to rampage and destroy the town, Lincoln says, "Well, that's more than meets the eye."

As the monsters make a mess of Royal Woods, Rita proclaims, "These monsters are destroying everything and everyone we hold dear!" She looks at her children and adds, "And you kids should have jackets on."

Luan jokes, "Looks like our problems are _ad_ -ing up. Hahahahaha! But seriously, this is bad."

Lisa points out Lard Lad's footprint, "Hey, what's that in his footprint?" Lisa steps into the footprint to get a closer look. In the footprint was an indention that read "© 1970 VAN BURNT & CHURCHILL ADVERTISING". This made Lisa cup her chin and hum, "Hmm…"

At a building with that very name, Lisa is sitting with an old man, possibly the man in charge of the agency, and explains, "If your advertising agency created all those giant characters, you must know how to stop them."

The old man explains, "Well, sir, advertising is a funny thing. If people stop paying attention to it, pretty soon it goes away."

Lisa asks, "Like those commercials with the talking babies?"

"Exactly! If you stop paying attention to the monsters, they'll lose their powers.

Lisa explained to him, "But people can't help looking at them. They're wrecking the town." She points out the window, showing all the giants destroying Royal Woods.

"You know," He stands up from his chair and walks over to a conveniently placed piano, "Maybe a jingle would help." He starts playing and improvises a jingle, "Don't watch the mon- Don't watch the monsters-s-s-s…" He stops playing, chuckles nervously and says, "Well, it'll sound a lot better coming out of Paul Anka."

The next day, all the citizens of Royal Woods are gathered in the town square, watching the monsters destroy what little of the town was left. Right behind them was a stage that Lana was finishing building.

Lisa asks, "Is it ready?" Lana gives the thumbs up, and Lisa nods, "Good." She turns to Luna, "Ready, Luna?"

Luna pulls out a microphone, "You know it, dude!"

Lisa grabs a different microphone and says, "Let's do this thing." She turns it on and speaks, a nearby speaker amplifying her voice, "Hey, Royal Woods!" A handful of citizens turn around to see where that voice was coming from, "Are you suffering from the heartbreak of _monsteritis_? Then take a tip from Mr. Paul Anka!"

On the stage, Mr. Paul Anka himself began to play the piano and sing a jingle.

 _To stop those monsters one, two, three  
Here's a fresh new way that's trouble-free  
It's got Paul Anka's guarantee _

Luna chimes in.

 _Guarantee void in Tennessee_

Both Luna and Mr. Anka began to duet the chorus.

 _Just don't look  
Just don't look_

As the song continues, more and more people turn around, getting distracted from the monsters.

 _Just don't look  
Just don't look _

The monsters take notice that no one was looking at them, and in a desperate attempt, tried to destroy faster.

 _Just don't look  
Just don't look_

However, it was futile! As the jingle finishes off, all of the statues and the tech robot start to lose their powers, falling flat onto the ground!

Lisa cheers, "It worked! They're all dead!"

Lynn points to something and says, "Well, except for chubsy-ubsy over there."

Lard Lad was still alive, and was holding a wooden sign that read "NOW WITH SPRINKLES!", which had tricked Lola. Her eyes were lit up, "Oooh. Sprinkles!"

Rita yells, "Lola, stop looking!"

Lisa warns, "Don't make us poke your eyes out, ninth-eldest-sibling.

Lola snaps out of it and whines, "Ohh!" In a huff, she turns around and crosses her arms.

This causes the statue to lose life, falling backwards and causing his giant donut to roll away!

In a desert somewhere, Zim and Gir were shown hitch-hiking, Zim holding a sign that reads "EARTH CAPITAL". He tells Gir, "Here comes something. Remember the story. We're newlyweds on our way to Earth capital."

He holds up the sign and smiles, but all that happens is the donut rolls pass them, "Oh, shazbatt!"

Gir waves, "GOODBYE, MR. DONUT! I LOVE YOU!"

Back in Royal Woods, we see Katherine Mulligan reporting in front of the Loud House. As the Loud family looks through the wreckage, she warns, "Even as I speak, the scourge of advertising could be heading toward your town! Lock your doors! Bar your windows! Turn off all devices linked to the internet! Because the next advertisement you see could destroy your house and eat your family." She changes her tone from sinister to perky, "We'll be right back."

 **Thank you to Mademoiselle-Star2018 for the suggestion to use Lola in place of Homer! See you all next time!**


	21. Nightmare on Franklin Avenue

The scene opens up to the sound of scary music and a street sign that read "Franklin Avenue". However, above the sign was the phrase "Nightmare On". This made up the entire title: "Nightmare on Franklin Avenue".

The scene pans over to the Loud House, with the animation seeming somewhat different. While everything was normal, everything seemed more detailed and movements more fluid. Lincoln was showing a frisbee to the family dog, Charles.

Lincoln tosses the frisbee, "OK, boy. Catch the frisbee!" Lincoln tosses the frisbee, and Charles jumps up to catch it in his mouth! Lincoln praised, "Good catch, boy!"

Suddenly, Charles stood up on his hind legs and began to act like a person! He removes the frisbee from his mouth and replies in a British accent, "Thanks, Lincoln!" Charles tosses the frisbee back to Lincoln, who jumps up to catch it, only for it to hit him in the head!

In a cartoonish pratfall, Lincoln sits up as a cash register sound is made, his eyes saying "No" and "Sale" in them, a giant bump appearing on top of his head, and little birds flying around.

Charles sympathizes, "Oh, hard luck."

Lincoln comically shakes his head, making a funny sound as he did. He reaches for the frisbee, until a shadow is cast over him! The shadow looked suspiciously like that of Freddy Krueger!

As the shadow brandishes its claws, Lincoln's eyes pop out of his head in a comedic fashion. There stood Norm, dressed in a Freddy sweater and hat, but the glove was actually a razor-sharp rake!

Lincoln holds up a picket sign that has "Yipes!" written on it. Norm jokes, "Pleasure to _rake_ your acquittance!" He gives off an evil laugh, the sound echoing before he swipes the rake across Lincoln's torso!

"AAAAAAAH!" Lincoln screams at the top of his lungs as he awakes from his nightmare, everything returning to normal. His torso was covered by his comforter, hiding his chest. He sighs, "It was all a dream." He uncovers himself, showing four huge scratch marks across his torso! He notices it and screams again, "AAAAAAAH!"

Lynn Sr. yells from downstairs, "Lincoln! Is that you?"

"Yes!"

"Take out the garbage."

At school, it was recess, and Lincoln was talking to Clyde, "And then he _raked_ me across the chest; and the weirdest thing was it was that school janitor who mysteriously disappeared: Norm!"

Clyde gasped, "Oh my God! Lincoln, Norm was in _my_ nightmare, too!" He brings up his fist, "But he got me," He opens his fist, showing bits of his hair in his hand, "With hedge clippers!" We see the couple of spots where Clyde's hair got cut.

We see a few more fifth graders gather, obviously victims of Norm, with one having a broken arm and another having cuts where Lincoln did. Chandler showed up and was squeaky clean, "He ran his floor buffer over _me_!"

Principal Huggins interrupts the kids, "I couldn't help but overhear you kids. There's no mystery about Norm. Why, he… suddenly disappeared!" He walks away as he tells them, "Now, let's have no more curiosity about this bizarre cover-up."

This obviously made all the kids uncomfortable and even more suspicious.

Later in class, Mrs. Johnson was passing out tests, "Alright, everyone! You have three hours to finish the standardized tests, so take your time, answer the best you can, and if you come across a problem you can't solve, just skip and return…"

Penelope interrupts, "Finished!"

Mrs. Johnson asks, "Already?" She smiles and tells Penelope, "Very good, Penelope! Why don't you just put your head down and relax while everyone else finishes?"

Penelope sighs as she puts her head down, "A duet of pleasures."

Penelope starts to dream, wearing a cape and wizard hat that were adorned with different letters of the alphabet, "I am the wonderous Wizard of Latin!" She stood in a what appeared to be an open library in the middle of a desert, complete with a flight of stairs that led to a huge chalkboard. This chalkboard was covered in various Latin words. She climbs up the stairs, proclaiming, "I am a dervish of declension and a conjurer of conjugation with a million hit points and maximum charisma!" She stands atop the flight, her back to the chalkboard, "Ah-ha! Morire: To die!" However, as she spoke, a mysterious figure steps out of the chalkboard, as black as the blacktop and covered in the very words that were upon it. "Morit: He, she, or it dies!"

The figure turns into Norm, whom brandishes his rake and glared at the young girl. She turns around and gasps, seeing Norm! He merely responds, "Moris: _You_ die!" Penelope screams and tries to run, only for Norm to laugh evilly, "You've mastered a dead tongue! But can you handle a live one?"

Suddenly, Norm's tongue started to slither out of his mouth, just like a serpent, and wraps itself around Penelope! He drags the poor girl back to him and begins to tighten his grip, cutting off her oxygen!

In the real world, Penelope was gagging and gasping for air, which attracted the attention of the other students!

Clyde asks, "Penelope!? What's wrong?!"

All she could let out was one last bloodcurdling scream before falling to the ground, frozen in fear! All was silent, until Chandler laughed, "Ha Ha!"

Later in class, Nurse Patti and Principal Huggins appeared to have put Penelope's dead body on a cart and covered her with a sheet. Principal Huggins whispers to the nurse, "Wheel her out quietly." As she begins to leave slowly, he adds, "It's best the children don't see her."

However, the sheet caught onto his foot, causing it to be pulled off and show Penelope's dead body, a look of fear still frozen upon her face! The students all scream, to which Huggins ordered, "Oh, just get it out of here!" She rushes out, but not before he warned, "Not into the Kindergarten!"

As many screams of younger children are heard, Lisa's voice called out, "Oh, relax! It's only a dead body!"

At home, Lincoln approached his mother and father in the kitchen, "Mom, Dad! Penelope died at school today!"

Rita was obviously nervous about this and tells her son, "I don't see what that has to do with Norm the janitor."

Lincoln was silent for a second, "Um… I didn't mention Norm, Mom."

Before Rita could respond, Lynn Sr. told her, "Cut the act, Rita. We've been caught."

Rita sighs and tells Lincoln, "Lincoln, it's time to tell you the real story and put your fears to rest. It's a story of murder and revenge from beyond the grave."

Lucy showed up, scaring everyone, "You had me at murder."

Rita sighs and tells her children, "It all started on the 13th hour of the 13th day of the 13th month."

The scene changes to the elementary school at night, where snow was falling from the sky. The sign on the school mentioned a P.T.A. meeting that night.

As the parents walk into the building, they walk pass a calendar which had "Smarch" as the current month. Rita's voice continued, "We were there to discuss the misprinted calendars the school had purchased."

Lynn Sr. shivered, "Lousy "Smarch" weather." He sees a thermostat which had a note above it. Lynn Sr. reads it allowed, "Do not touch. -Norm." He shrugs, "Eh, what's a few more degrees?" He flips the switch, but it breaks off and goes all the way to the red zone! Lynn Sr. gulps, but the throws away the switch and walks away, whistling nonchalantly.

Norm was in the boiler room, playing on a harmonica as the furnace beside him started to burn with more fire. He looks at it, but before he could react, the flames burst forth and cover him in fire! He goes to open the door, grabbing the door knob.

In the meeting, Principal Huggins says, "Our next budget item, $12 for doorknob repair."

All of the parents replied, "Nay!"

Norm couldn't turn the knob and escape, so he goes for the fire extinguisher.

Back in the meeting, "Recharge fire extinguishers. This is a free service of the fire department."

"Nay!"

He tries to use the extinguisher, but nothing came out! He finally breaks down the door and rushes out towards the room.

Back to the meeting, Huggins says, "Alright, the McBride's have the floor."

Both Howard and Harold stood up as Harold announced, "I, for one, would like to see the cafeteria menus in advance so parents can adjust their dinner menus accordingly.

Howard nods, "I agree. I don't like the idea of Clyde having two spaghetti meals in one day."

Lynn Sr. stood up and added, "I second that notion. We…"

Before he could finish, Norm busted into the room, screaming in agonizing pain, scaring the parents!

"HELP! PLEASE HELP ME!"

Lynn Sr. gasped, "Oh, no! This is because I touched the thermostat, isn't it!?"

As Norm continued to burn, the parents tried using their coats to put him out, but to no avail! The flames only raged harder than before, turning Norm into a flaming skeleton! He points to Lynn Sr., "You'll pay for this… with your children's blood!"

Officer Schoffner scoffs, "Oh, right. How you gonna get 'em? Skeleton power?"

Norm quickly responds, "Just for that comment, I'm going to kill _all_ of your children!" Everyone gasps at this as he warns, "I'll strike where you cannot protect them… In their dreams!"

He suddenly turns into ash, which was then picked up by a floating dustpan and dumped into a wastebasket.

After the story, Lucy warns, "Lincoln, don't you realize what this means? The next time we fall asleep, we could die."

Lincoln asks, "You've seen him, too, Lucy?"

"Not yet, but he said he'd get _all_ the children." Lucy deduces, "Since you were the first to see him, he's probably not going after our big sisters, which just leaves me, Lana, Lola, and Lisa."

Lincoln says, "Thank goodness Lily's only a baby, so Norm won't go after her."

Lucy remarks, "We can only hope."

Later that evening, Lincoln and his younger sisters, including Lily, were awake in front of the television. They all looked incredibly groggy, like they'd fall asleep any second now. Lucy takes a bottle nipple and places it on top of a can of cola, which she then gives to Lily. The baby begins to suck on it like a bottle as Lucy pulls out a can for herself.

The living room was littered with soda cans, all empty and crushed, sans the ones held by Lincoln and his younger siblings. As the TV kept droning on about something in the news, Lincoln starts to nod off, only to wake back up immediately.

Lucy says, "Gasp. It's no use, Lincoln."

Lana adds, "She's right, Link! We can't stay up forever!"

Lola adds, "I know _I_ can't! I need my beauty rest, but I want to live!" She pulls her hair, "I'm going _crazy_ over here!"

Lisa retorted, "And _I'm_ slowing losing brain cells! I can feel my knowledge of astrophysics and chemistry drifting away!"

Lincoln nods, "All of you are right. The only thing left to do is go into my dream and force Norm into a final showdown. All of you stay awake, and if it looks like I'm in trouble, wake me up.

Lucy nods, "Okay."

Lana adds, "But promise you won't be grouchy."

Lincoln yawns and lies his head on the arm of the couch, slipping into the twisted dream world. He wakes up to find himself wandering outside of the school, only it appeared to be run down and possibly haunted.

He stands beside a huge hedge, "Come on, Norm. I know you're out there."

He takes a step, narrowly avoiding a giant lawnmower mowing down part of the hedges! However, this mower had Norm's face on the front of it, which glared at the male Loud! As Norm gives chase, Lincoln hides behind a tree and looks for a way to fight back.

He looks over to the sandbox, "The sandbox!" He then sees a smaller mower and a bag of lawn clippings. He takes the bag and covers the sandbox with the grass, then uses a nearby water hose to spray it down. As Norm keeps looking around for Lincoln, he hears a voice call out, "Hey, Lawn Boy!"

Lincoln pointed to what appeared to be a large patch of uncut grass, which he was conveniently standing in front of, "You missed a spot!"

As Norm prepares himself, he threatens, "When I'm through with you, they'll have to do a "compost-mortem"!

Norm races towards Lincoln, who braced himself for whatever happened next. However, Norm stopped as he found himself stuck in the wet sandbox! As Norm sinks into the sand, he panics and tries to transform into a mammoth, then a tank, then a rocket, and finally into his original form before finally sinking into the sand trap. He screamed and called for help, which turned into bubbles in the wet sand.

Lincoln sighs in relief and sits on the sandbox, "Norm's gone for good. Now I can return to my normal dreams: Me and Hunter Spector winning the Super Bowl!"

Hunter shows up in a football uniform and hands the ball to Lincoln, "Lincoln, there's two seconds left. Now listen up. It's your basic Statue of Liberty play with one twist." As Hunter explains, 8 long appendages made of metal start to rise out of the sandbox! "You throw it to _me_. Knute Rockne called it "the forward pass"." Still oblivious, Norm takes on the form of a giant metal spider and glares at Lincoln and Hunter, "Now, the clock's still running, so it's important we start this play as quickly as possible."

However, this was interrupted by one of Norm's metal spider legs wrapping around Lincoln!

Hunter sees the poor boy in peril and says, "Oh-ho, boy!" Norm had turned into a spider that resembled a boiler, like the one that caused his demise! Hunter tells Lincoln, "Don't dream about me no more, kid."

Hunter rushes off as Lincoln calls, "Help! Somebody help me!"

Suddenly, Lucy, Lana, Lola, and Lisa appeared, with Lana saying, "Lincoln, you're in trouble! Wake up!"

Lincoln realized, "Wait a minute. If you guys are here, then you've all fallen asleep, too!"

Lucy shakes her head, "We're not asleep."

Lola adds, "We're just resting our eyes…"

Once they've realized they were asleep, the four of them say in unison, "Dang it!"

Norm uses another of his legs to grab the girls, and he breathes heavily, steam coming out of a small exhaust pipe in his metal thorax.

Lucy says, "Goodbye, Lincoln."

Lincoln says, "Goodbye, girls. I'm just glad Lily isn't here to suffer with us."

Suddenly, Lily appeared on Norm's thorax, right next to the exhaust pipe! She takes the pacifier from her mouth and she eyes the pipe. Norm suddenly stopped breathing and looks back, seeing Lily's pacifier in his pipe! Lily smugly smiles, "Boo boo!"

Norm lets go of the kids and desperately tries to reach back to remove the pacifier! However, it was too late. The fire in the boiler built up, causing Norm to expand and his metal body to turn red, and he finally blow up!

After that, the kids were shot into space and circle a moon in the shape of their couch! Finally, they sit on the couch and wake up in their home! Lucy hugs her baby sister, "You saved us, Lily!"

Lily pulls out another pacifier and twirls it in her finger like a gun, before blowing on the rubber tip and placing it into her mouth.

Lincoln and his younger sisters walk outside and see the bright sunny day, but Lucy warns, "I don't know, Lincoln. Something tells me Norm's still out there, and that he could come back any time, in any form, and kill us in ways we can't even imagine!"

Almost on cue, a bus appears and Norm walks off of it! He says, "Boo!" He then starts to taunt them with poses and faces, but he soon gasps as the bus takes off! He yells, "No! Stop! I left my gun on the seat! Hey!" He starts to run for the bus, but then tells the kids, "Wait here, please."

As goofy music plays, Norm loses his shoe, but still gives chase for the bus.

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 **20K views, son! Thank you all for sticking around this long, and another thank you to Mademoiselle-Star2018 for helping me figure out how to change the bagpipe-spider scene. Since there wasn't a new chapter last month, expect "Homer3" later this month! If you have any suggestions on who should play Homer in this one, just let me know!**


	22. Lynn3

**So… how long were you guys going to wait before telling me I mistook Homer3 for Homega Man? I kid, but seriously. Never be afraid to tell me when I messed something up! Just make sure you point it out in a message rather than a review. No reason. I just prefer it that way.**

 **That said, on to Homer³!**

* * *

On a dark and stormy night at the Loud House, one could hear Rita calling out, "Lynn, get ready! Ruth and your sister, Shirley, will be here any minute!"

Lynn Sr. was rushing around the bedroom, looking quite panicked. He goes for the closet, "Better ride this one out in the closet!" He swings open the door, only to find all the kids hiding there!

Lola smugly remarks, "Sorry, daddy! This is _our_ spot!"

Lynn Sr. firmly retorts, "Oh, yeah? Well it's _my_ house, so it's _my_ spot!"

Leni argued, "Nuh-uh, because we called it!"

Lynn Sr. replied, "No you didn't!"

Lincoln replies, "Well, we are now!"

Lynn Sr. frowns, "You are?"

Luna grins, "'Fraid so, dude."

Lynn Sr. slams the closet shut, "Dang it! They got me with their legal mumbo jumbo!"

He rushes out into the living room, desperate for a wait out of the impending visit. He smiles as he sees the couch! He lifts up a cushion, only to see Charles, Cliff, Walt, and Geo underneath it. Charles and Cliff growl at him, prompting the Loud father to cover them back up.

The doorbell rings, to which Rita yells, "Just a second!"

Lynn Sr. goes into the dining room and looks at the trophy case, "The trophy case! Of course!" He pushes away the part of the case that faces away from the front door, wedging himself into the area between the case and wall.

He laughs victoriously and puts his back onto the wall. However, his back goes right through the wall! He almost falls in, but keeps himself steady. He puts his hand upon the wall, which phases right through it as mysterious sparks surround his wrist, "That's weird." He keeps moving his hand about the wall, commenting, "It's like something out of that falls-y show about gravity."

Rita, who was holding Lily, opens the door to let Great Aunt Ruth and Aunt Shirley in. Both had on heavy coats and Shirley was carrying a bag that seemed to be filled with something wet.

Shirley says, "Hi, Rita. How're the kids?"

Ruth removes her coats, "Yuck! I'm baking like a meatloaf under this wet wool."

Rita said, "Hi, Aunt Ruth. Hi, Shirley." She tells them, "You can put your coats in mine and Lynn's closet."

As they go to the closet, they open the door and look surprised to see the Loud siblings in it! Lincoln fakes a grin and asks, "Uh, may I take your coats, Aunts Ruth and Shirley?"

Lori also faked a grin, "Um, _we_ would also like to take your coats!"

As the kids begrudgingly followed Ruth and Shirley into the living room, where Ruth announced, "Have we got a family activity for you!"

Shirley holds up the bag, "A pillow case full of seashells from our trip to Sulfur Bay."

Ruth explains, "You're gonna help us clean and organize them."

Shirley adds, "And pry out all the dead hermit crabs."

The kids seemed uninterested, but Lana happily exclaims, "I'll go grab my screwdriver!"

As she rushes off, Shirley hands the bag to Ruth, "And I'll go grab my brother." She asks Rita, "Where is Lynn, anyway?"

Rita shrugs, "Don't know. Haven't seen him in the last hour."

Shirley thinks, "He's probably in the kitchen, as usual."

As Shirley makes her way into the dining room and towards the kitchen, Lynn Sr. panics at the sight and says, "I'll take my chances in the mystery wall!" He rushes inside, and finds himself in a black void

However, he soon passes through an invisible wall, which turned him into a 3D character! He was in a Matrix-esque landscape filled with patterns one would familiarize with old 90's screensavers.

Marveled by what was happening, Lynn Sr. thinks to himself, " _Oh, glory of glories! Oh, heavenly testament to the eternal majesty of God's creation!_ " Then he just blurts out like an idiot, "HOLY MACARONI!"

Back in the living room, everyone was sitting around, cleaning and de-crabbing the shells. There were many paper towels scattered on the floor for easier clean up.

At one point, Ruth couldn't dig one hermit out, so she got an idea. She placed the shell in her mouth, sucked the hermit out, and then spat it out of her mouth, "Hey! You can just _suck_ them out!"

Suddenly, everyone could hear Lynn Sr.'s voice echoing, "Hello? Can anybody hear me?"

Rita calls out, "Lynn, where are you?"

"Uh, I'm somewhere where I don't know I am."

"Do you see my box of old romance novels? If you do, you're probably in the attic!"

"Trust me, honey, I'm _not_ in the attic! It's a place I've never been before."

Shirley jokes, "Ah. Close to our father."

As she laughs, Lynn Sr. yells in an offended tone, "Hey!"

Back in the strange world, Lynn Sr. looks around and tells everyone, "I don't want to alarm you, Rita, but I seem to be trapped in here."

Rita stands up, "Lana, you better get the ladder."

Lynn Sr. looks over his 3D body, "What's going on here? I'm so bulgy." He lifts up his shirts to show his dad belly, which he pats, causing it to ripple. He covers it back up and says, "My stomach sticks way out in front and my…" He looks over his shoulder to his backside, which looks flat, causing him to scream.

In the living room, Lana was on top of the ladder and looking around, "Well, as the tree said to the lumberjack, I'm stumped."

Luan giggled, "Good one!" Then she frowns, "But seriously, this is weird."

Ruth jokes, "It's like he just disappeared into _fat_ air."

As Lynn Sr. heard Ruth, he yells back, "Hey, shut up you two!"

Rita's voice told him, "Lynn, only Ruth said that."

He snaps, "She's big enough to be two people!"

As he keeps walking, he passes by a cone that was skipping along, a Parthenon, and comes upon a small pool full a fish. He then walks over to a street sign, which have one sign labeled "X", one labeled "Z", and one pointing upward that was labeled "Y".

As the chrome on the signs shine, he says, "Man, this place looks expensive." In the background, the cone keeps on bouncing as he finishes, "I feel like I'm wasting a fortune just standing here." He scratches his rear and says, "Better make the most of it."

A few seconds later, he burps, only for the cone to bounce towards him and the pointy end hit him in the butt!

"OW!" He pulls the cone out of his rear, "Watch it, coney!" He chucks the cone away, which causes the pointed end to jab into the ground! However, this caused the cone to fall further in, making a hole, which then proceeded to get bigger! Lynn Sr. could only respond, "Whoops."

Back in the living room, Lucy asks, "Do you see a light, dad?"

"Yes."

"Move into the light, father."

There was an electrical sound, followed by, "OW!"

Lisa asks, "Father, this is Lisa speaking! Can you describe to us what it's like in there?"

Lynn Sr. was unsure how to respond, so he asked, "Did anyone see the movie _Tron_?"

Rita replied, "No."

Lori replied, "No."

Leni replied, "No."

Luna replied, "No."

Luan replied, "No."

Lynn replied, "No."

Leni repeated, "No."

Lincoln replied, "No."

Lucy replied, "No."

Lana and Lola replied, "No."

Leni repeated, "No."

Lisa replied, "No."

Ruth replied, "No."

Shirley replied, "No."

Leni shouted with a smile, "Yes!" She frowns, "Er, um, I mean no. No."

A bit later, the trophy case was moved and Lisa had drawn a shape that seemed like a door around the area where Lynn Sr. disappeared into the wall. Lincoln asked, "So, where's dad?"

Lisa replied, "Well, it should be obvious to even the most dim-witted individual," She adds, "Who holds an advanced degree in hyperbolic topology," She finishes, "That our father has stumbled into… _the third dimension_."

The lights went dim as she said her last words, only to show that Lincoln had accidently bumped the light switch, turning it off. He promptly turns the lights back on, "Sorry."

Lisa pulls out a chalkboard and draws a square in chalk, "Here is an ordinary square."

Lynn interrupted, "Whoa, whoa! Slow down, egghead!"

Lisa continues, "But suppose we extend the square beyond the two dimensions of our universe along the hypothetical "Z" axis there."

Lisa drew another square and then connected the two creating a 3D cube, making the others gasp in shock.

"This forms a three-dimensional object known as a cube."

Lynn Sr. calls out, "Help me! Are you helping me? Or are you going on and on?"

Lisa remembers, "Oh, right." She draws Lynn Sr.'s face in the cube, "And, of course, within we find the doomed individual."

Lynn stood up and shouted, "Enough of your borax, Poindexter! A man's life is at stake! We need action!"

Out of nowhere, Lynn pulls out a bow and a quiver full of arrows! Rita asks, "Lynn, were did you get those arrows?"

"No time!" She starts to fire a barrage of arrows into the dimension, "Take _that_ , you lousy dimension!"

Lynn Sr. sees the now 3D arrows firing towards him and cowers, but watches the arrows dodge him at the last second! They fly towards the hole from earlier, swirling around it before getting sucked inside!

He looks inside the hole and worries, "Oh, there's so much I don't know about astrophysics. I wish I read that book by Stephen HawKIIIIIIIIING!"

He shouts as his very head was being sucked into the hole, stretching out like a ball of putty! He pulls his head out in time, returning to normal. However, the hole was now getting bigger by the second! As Lynn Sr. ran, the hole chased after him, swallowing up everything in the dimension!

Back in the living room, Albert showed up in a diving suit, "Don't worry, Rita, kids! _I'll_ save Lynn!" Behind him was an old-timey bellows that was being wheeled in by Bernie, "All I need is four stout men to work the bellows!"

Albert closes the faceplate to the helmet and heads for the wall, only for Lisa to warn, "No, Pop Pop, it's too risky! For all we know, there could be cubes in there the size of gorillas and other large-"

Lynn Sr.'s yells cut her off, "Help! I don't have much time."

Lincoln glared in determination, "That's it!" He ties a long rope to his waist, "I'm going in!"

He rushes for the wall, his mother trying to stop him, "Lincoln, no!"

It was too late, however. Lincoln rushes in, and steps through the barrier, turning 3D himself. He looks around, "Woooooow."

Lincoln was standing on the very edge of the world, which was slowly being sucked in by the giant hole in the middle of it.

On the other side of the hole, Lynn Sr. was cowering on the edge as the hole got closer, saying in a rushed tone of fear, "I'm gonna be sucked into a black hole! I'm gonna be sucked into oblivion! And what's gonna become of me on the other side? I don't know!"

Lincoln calls out, "I'll save you, dad!" He looks over to the street sign, which was bending inward towards the hole. Lincoln climbs the sign, just barely hanging on at the top, "I can't get any closer. You'll have to jump!"

Lynn Sr. smiles, "Piece of cake, son!" He gets a running start, but missteps and goes right into the hole! As his body discombobulates, he shouts with a decreasing echo, "Dang it! Dang it! Dang it! Dang it! Dang it! Dang it! Dang it! Dang it! Dang it! Dang it!" As he shouts, his body parts disappear, with his mouth going last.

Finally, the hole had sucked in the last of the world, leaving Lincoln to barely escape and float in the endless black void. However, he was quickly pulled back in, thanks to all of his sisters pulling the rope from the other side.

As he bursts through, Rita rushes over and asks, "Lincoln, what happened?"

Lincoln frowned, "Well, we hit a little snag when the universe sort of collapsed on itself." He smiles and lies to comfort everyone, "But Dad seemed cautiously optimistic."

However, everyone could hear Lynn Sr.'s voice one more time, "DAAAAAAAANG IIIIIIIIIIIT!"

Rita groans, "Lynn…"

Lucy told Rita, "Be strong, mom. I'm sure he's gone to a better place."

Suddenly, the real world was shown as Lynn Sr. appears, falling from the sky into a dumpster!

"Ow!" He climbs out, taking in the real world around him, "Oh. This is the worst place yet!"

He walks out of the alleyway, walking through what appeared to be the business area of a town. As he walks, the real people around look at Lynn Sr. with confusion and bewilderment, while Lynn Sr. walked around looking fearful.

However, this stopped when he walked in front of a store that had several cowbells in the window, "Oooooh. Cowbells."

Lynn Sr. walks into the shop, which is where the story ends.

* * *

 **A big thank you to Mademoiselle-Star2018 for suggesting to use Ruth and Shirley in place of Patty and Selma, and for the changes to the "fat air" joke.**


	23. Author's Note: Hiatus, New Horror Parody

**I'm sorry I haven't written a new chapter in the longest time, and I'm sorry that this isn't a new chapter of Loud House of Horror. However, I would like to let you all know a few things.**

 **First, the hiatus will continue until Halloween next year. I know you all probably don't want to hear that, but since THOH VII deals with a presidential election, I'll save it for when we finally have two candidates, for authenticity. Until then, it'll continue to be on a hiatus.**

 **Second, I'll be starting many new projects (a rewrite of one of my stories, a sequel for it next summer, my own original fic where Lincoln goes missing, and a parody of Toy Story), so most of my time will be spent on those. I'm even considering deleting my parody for Hey Arnold, unless there's anyone who'd like to take over that one.**

 **And last, but certainly not least; In the meantime, I've decided to do a new parody series based on another scary/supernatural/horror series from back in the day! Which one? That's for you guys to decide! After this is posted, I will be putting up a poll for what you guys would like me to parody next! To keep them short, and to go with my initial plans for wanting to stop after THOH XIII, I will be doing the top 13 episodes from whichever series you all choose. Here's a short list of ones I'd like to do.**

 **Scooby-Doo, Where are You? (Original 69-70 series)  
Goosebumps  
Courage the Cowardly Dog (Either with Lincoln, Charles, or Lalo in place of Courage. Still trying to decide.)  
The Twilight Zone  
Are You Afraid of the Dark  
So Weird  
X-Files  
Riverdale  
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark**

 **Before October, the winner will be decided, and the first chapter of will be written in time for Halloween night!**

 **Again, sorry to make you guys wait for more "Loud House of Horror", but I really do appreciate your continued support through all of this. I hope to see you all for the next parody series, and hope you're all looking forward to Halloween as much as I am!**

 **Have a scary evening.**


	24. Author's Note: Poll Winner New Poll

**Thank you to everyone who voted! It was a close one, with Scooby-Doo and Goosebumps getting all the votes (Not to mention Riverdale getting some, which actually surprised me. Maybe I'll make that one someday.), but Scooby-Doo just barely edged out for the win! Sorry, Goosebumps, but not to worry. Next year, we'll beware.**

 **However, before we do the parody, I need your votes one last time! Sorry Scooby-Doo, I have two ideas for how I wish to do that.**

 **Lincoln goes missing, and the town of Royal Woods try to solve the mystery of his disappearance! Basically, each mystery will be inspired from the series in some way, with one overlapping mystery throughout. The monsters will not be the classics, but rather new monsters inspired by the "monsters" of the modern world. Played for laughs, of course. Also, the chase sequences will include Loud House music in place of the original songs.**

 **Same as option one, but with the original songs for the chases.**

 **Just have it be the Loud's and/or other characters in the original mysteries with the original songs.**

 **And there you have it. The poll will be up for a few days, so I can make my decision and start writing sooner. That said, hope you all enjoy it when it comes out, and thanks for all your continued support!**


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